Review for Tom Clancy Act Of Defiance by Andrews and Wilson

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I read Red October years after it came out. It’s the only one of Tom Clancy’s books I didn’t read in the 80s. I read Red Storm Rising in paperback and Patriot Games in Hardcover. I did the same with Clear & Present Danger and Cardinal Of The Kremlin, my favorite of Tom’s novels. I always read ahead of my grade. I read Red Storm in 6th grade.

I saw The Hunt For Red October in the theaters the weekend it came out. It’s still one of my favorite 80s movies.

Let’s get into Act of Defiance. I will limit my spoilers as much as possible. If you’ve read Red October, that’s good. It will help you with Act Of Defiance. There are many callbacks to it throughout the book. There are also callbacks to Patriot Games and Clear & Present Danger, but Red October is front and center throughout the novel since this is about another Russian submarine.

It begins with how many of Tom’s books start. They set you up with an idea and chase that idea throughout.

While Red October was our introduction to Jack Ryan, Act Of Defiance begins with an idea but also tells us something about Red October that we didn’t know. This pushes the story in a vastly different direction.

Marko Ramius knew what he had and the possibilities of his boat, The Red October; this novel starts before the Red October. The Captain of the Belgorod knows what he has as well. He’s determined to make Jack Ryan pay. A theme and story that I will let the reader discover.

While Red October is mainly about Jack Ryan finding his way, Act Of Defiance is about his daughter, Katie Ryan. She does most of the same things her father did in Red October. The callbacks to the book and the movie are fantastic. I enjoyed them.

The cat-and-mouse game starts as the hunt is underway for Belgorod. It’s a different game with the same consequences as Red October but with far worse intentions.

Russia is not the power it was with Marko Ramius and the Red October. A group decides they want to change this. We’ve seen this scenario play out since the fall of the Soviet Union. It’s been in books, movies, and video games.

It is done very well in Act of Defiance. It’s one of the better tales with the trope. I think this is a trope now.

While the novel played out, I enjoyed Katie Ryan’s character. I hope more story ideas come from Red Storm with her in it.

I blew through most of this book in a day. But I read quickly. I always have. I give this a five. It’s well written, the story is good, and the placement of Katie Ryan reminds me of her dad, Jack.

Review for The Atrocity Engine By Tim Waggoner

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I have read a couple of Tim’s books. I loved them. He takes an idea and turns it into a fever dream. I don’t know where the idea for the Atrocity Engine came from, but it’s wonderful.

We start with the main character, Neal. He works for an organization trying to keep the universe from being consumed. The story has a lot of detail about what is consuming the universe and its eventual end. I’ll leave that to Tim.

The world-building in this one blows me away. It feels like an urban fantasy with incredible horror gore. If you’ve read Tim before, you know what I’m talking about.

I’ve seen the comparisons to the Cenobites, but I feel it leans more toward Dark City and the creatures within that universe. The description of one of the creatures, Brother Nothing, gives me Cenobite feelings, but the entirety of the story gives me Dark City feelings—at least in the descriptions of the Multitude.

I know the book is listed as book one. I’m more excited to see what happens with Neal in book two.

I don’t write long reviews, and this is no different.

I enjoyed the hell out of this novel. It’s fun and disturbing. It gives us a glimpse into a world dissimilar from our own.

Who knows, maybe that white van driving around town works for Maintenance. I see it all the time.

Review for I Excess Of Dark by Red Lagoe

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’m not sure what’s been happening with horror lately, but I’ve read a lot of books with grief themes.

I’ve read a few books by Red and loved them. This book hit a little differently.

I attempt to find myself in the character while doing a review. This book is close to home.

My brother passed away a few years ago. It was sudden. It took us by surprise. I think about him often. He popped up a lot while reading this one, as did my father-in-law, who passed a few years before my brother.

This story opens with the main character and her family going on a trip. She thinks about their trip but has the idea that they’re going to die. This is a thing with her, something she and her mom fought about.

The grief and thoughts of grief. The pain of being left and thinking she did something to cause it fills this story.

I thought about my brother and wished I could have been there more for him. I never thought I caused his death. It was a fluke thing, but we all dive into the deaths of our loved ones in different ways.

I wanted to bring them back and solve the problems we had with them while they were alive. Those thoughts permeated my mind while reading this. I think about my brother once a week anyway, but this book brought it out more.

I enjoyed this book, even with the emotions I felt while reading it. A good book will always bring out emotions. I loved how Red dove into the underlying issues with her mom. How she found a way to bring things back. How she was able to confront her mother. All of these things made the character believable. It gave the story a richness that made me blow through it.

I can’t wait to reread this one.

I have been sick off and on for the last month.

Featured

Posted on by
1

Fun title, eh?

Since the middle of December my wife and I have been fighting off colds of one form or another. Luckily none of them have turned out to be Covid. This is by sheer luck.

My wife broke her ankle just before Thanksgiving, she got sick around then but fought it off. My sister stayed with us and none of us were sick at the time.

It’s been snotball rolling down a greasy hill since. She got sick with what we think was bronchitis, but the doctor said it was just a cold. I’m calling bullshit on that.

I got bronchitis after my wife recovered. She got sick, then after my recovery from bronchitis, I got sick again. We’ve passed this back and forth a few times.

We were almost out of the woods, then last week, I had a cough. Possible bronchitis. Doctor gave me prednisone and an inhaler for asthma, which I don’t have. Th inhaler had steroids in it already. This exasperated everything. I got sicker and started coughing up rainbow colored crap. Ya know, if rainbows were all green, yellow, and red. I may have whooping cough. Which is apparently going around.

I have read a lot this year, and recently finished Red Lagoe’s book, “In Excess Of Dark”, which I’ll be writing a review of in the next week.

I’m also moving along with a mentorship I’m a part of. It’s been amazing to have someone go over my writing like this. I’ve never had someone who truly knew how to edit go over my work. It’s been an incredible process.

I’m going to rest now. I’m on powerful cough medicine that makes my head swim and it’s taking effect.

My Political Thriller novel experience.

Featured

Posted on by
1

I wrote a political thriller during lockdown in 2020. I published it on Election Day 2022.

It’s the book that keeps trying.

A guest at the bar recently bought it for his father, who read it in a weekend and loved it.

I’ve only heard from family and friends that they enjoyed the book. It’s never been someone I don’t know.

The book, like my other published work, sold well overseas. It’s never taken hold of anything but it’s been interesting watching it go up and down in sales.

I think it’s time to go back and write the second book, and finish another book in that world.

I know everyone knows me for my horror stuff, but this book meant a lot to me. The guest at the bar’s father’s words of encouragement meant a ton to me.

I’ve never had anyone who regularly reads those types of books tell me how much they enjoyed it. It’s a different feeling to have that.

I always wondered what it would feel like to have someone enjoy my books and want to talk to me about them. It’s invigorating.

I’ll leave you today with this. Keep writing. You may find your readers in the unlikeliest of places.

Shifting

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I did a few things in the last year I wasn’t expecting.

I got books from NetGalley to review, I published a novella, and I put myself out there for something that I can’t talk about.

All of this scared me, but especially that last one. It’s something I wanted to do the last few years and finally did it. My wife said I should, and that’s all I needed.

The NetGalley reviews came about because I like doing reviews. I like to read, always have. I’d rather sit with a book for hours than do anything else. This has not always made married life serene. My wife reads, but for me it’s always been a way to escape my life.

My childhood had issues, as does everyone’s. I always dove into books when I had them.

I did not use a discerning view while selecting my books from NetGalley. I should have selected my reads more carefully. I did not and by doing this I had to return more books to NetGalley than I like.

I reviewed some great books this year. Some of which have yet to be released. One of them, This Wretched Valley, gave me a book hangover for a few weeks. I preordered it so I could read it again, and so my wife could read it. It’s a fabulous book that I hope everyone will be talking about. There are other books that I did not like. You can search through my reviews and find them. I’m not the kind of person to mention them here.

For the novella, which has gained more readers overseas than stateside, I wanted to publish it but felt it needed work. I spent most of the year getting it ready for that. I selected the publishing date in June. I hoped for more readers as it’s a personal book. Dealing with mental issues is always one of those things that I tend to write about. It’s a thing for me.

I feel this is enough for today. I’ll post something later.

Shifting

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I did a few things in the last year I wasn’t expecting.

I got books from NetGalley to review, published a novella, and put myself out there for something I can’t talk about.

All of this scared me, but especially that last one. It’s something I wanted to do for the last few years, and I finally did it. My wife said I should, and that’s all I needed.

The NetGalley reviews came about because I like doing reviews. I like to read and always have. I’d rather sit with a book for hours than do anything else. This has not always made married life serene. My wife reads, but for me, it’s always been a way to escape my life.

My childhood had issues, as does everyone’s. I always dove into books when I had them.

I did not use discernment while selecting my books from NetGalley. I should have selected my reads more carefully. I did not; by doing this, I had to return more books to NetGalley than I liked.

I reviewed some great books this year. Some of which have yet to be released. One of them, This Wretched Valley, gave me a book hangover for a few weeks. I preordered it to reread it so my wife could read it. It’s a fabulous book that I hope everyone will be talking about. There are other books that I did not like. You can search through my reviews and find them. I’m not the kind of person to mention them here.

For the novella, which has gained more readers overseas than stateside, I wanted to publish it but felt it needed work. I spent most of the year getting it ready for that. I selected the publishing date in June. I hoped for more readers as it’s a personal book. Dealing with mental issues is always one of those things that I tend to write about. It’s a thing for me.

I feel this is enough for today. I’ll post something later.

Hello, it’s been a while.

Featured

Posted on by
2

I’ve escaped into a place. I don’t have social media on my phone, this is the closest thing I have.

I had planned on a break until January, but here’s January and yet, I’m still unwilling to break this sabbatical. It’s been enlightening.

On the writing front: I attained something that I wanted to do last year. I won’t speak of what it is, but I’m very excited about its prospects.

I’ve considered quitting writing often over the last month. It’s been a genuinely thoughtful process. At the end of it, I’ve come to realize I would be very sad to quit something I enjoy.

My book came out at the end of October and it’s faltered, which is another reason I considered quitting. We strive on.

Now I must go. I have things to do. You mustn’t worry and I’ll be okay. This year is going to be good.

Review for This Wretched Valley By Jenny Kiefer

Featured

Posted on by
1

I read this based on Cynthia Pelayo’s comments about it. She was Jenny’s mentor. It did not disappoint.

It’s been a long time since a book truly freaked me out. Last Days by Adam Nevill is the last one I can remember wanting to stop because I was freaked out. This was like that.

I’m getting ahead of myself, so I’ll backtrack.

The opening of this book reminds me of At The Mountains of Madness. They stumbled upon something amazing, a rockface that appeared out of the blue and where it shouldn’t be. Much the way it happened in Madness.

I’d been around climbing as a kid. My biological father did technical climbing. He climbed Mt. Rainer and a few others. I never learned this, though I would like to.

This book starts with how many of the lost in the woods books do, but when it takes a turn, it’s a hard turn. There are elements of Jack Ketchum in the darker parts of this book, as well as The Woods Are Dark by Richard Laymon.

I nearly stopped this book at 65%. I was completely freaked out by what was happening. My brain needed a break. I chalk this up to the prose and how well Jenny writes. Luckily, my Kindle, which I use to read books from NetGalley, needed to be charged. It gave me a few hours of respite. I dove in as soon as it was ready.

There are so many things to say about this book. It does not come out until January, but I would order it now. It’s going to be one of my favorite books going forward. Jenny’s description, her knowledge of climbing, and her sense of knowing what to put that will scare you all coalesce into a story about survival. About wanting something bad enough to risk your life to attain it.

This underlying theme in the story, whether one character or another, stayed with me when I closed the book. I’ll be thinking about this one for a while. This will be my last review for a while unless something piques my interest. I do have other books to review through NetGalley, but I’ll be watching cartoons or reading comics for a while after this book. I need to wash my brain out for a bit.

Review for Never Dead by Joe Scipione.

Featured

Posted on by
2

What is it about Chicago stories landing in my lap recently?

I reviewed Cynthia Pelayo’s Forgotten Sisters last week. You can read the review here. Like all of Cynthia’s books, it’s set in Chicago. I haven’t read any of Joe’s stories before. I came into this fresh, but the beginning drew me in.

The opening, and so much of this book, reminds me of Frankenstein. The gothic feel, the trips to the graveyard, and other things about the story. There’s a darkness to this story that’s unsettling. It’s a deep yearning in humanity to continue. So many of us fear death. The older I get, the more it comes to the forefront.

Joe brings this out. He doesn’t talk about it, except in small moments between characters as they’re being “fitted” with the devices that would change humanity. Joe could have taken a more graphic tone with the fittings and all it entails. He took a more tame path. It fits better with the story.

Behind the story of Creighton, the Doctor(who we never know his name), and Clyde, there’s the story of the reporter, Michael. I liked this part of the story almost more than the other three.

I care about Michael. I care about his family and what he’s trying to do in Chicago. I also understand his fear. He wants to dive into the mob stories in Chicago, but the fear of doing that and/or losing his family holds him to change what he does.

His journey and the journey of the other three collide. Michael’s investigation throws him into the crosshairs of the other three, unwittingly so. It’s in Michael, not Clyde, whom I grew to feel sorry for, that I wanted to see become triumphant. Clyde is the man who hides his intelligence, while Michael puts it on display, to his detriment.

In the end, Michael falls prey to the other three. It’s when the story recommenced after years pass that we see Michael become the hero he wanted to be. He does it to save someone from his fate. He chooses to become the hero. Clyde does the same by Michael’s side.

When we recommence with the story, it feels more like a vampire or zombie story. This turn of story lands perfectly, in my opinion. Joe does a great job of imagery throughout the novel. From the lightning, the graveyard, the catacombs under the house, there’s the monolith of the house itself.

I grew up in a town with great old houses. They felt intimidating, though their beauty was majestic. Creighton’s house is no different. If you’ve toured an old house, you know the feeling. The smell of the wood, the way the light pours through the front windows at certain times of the day. It has that reverent feeling, much the way the house in Forgotten Sisters does the same thing.

Both houses in the last two stories I’ve reviewed are characters of their own. Each of them holds secrets. And each plays a part in the greater story within the house itself.

I loved the feeling of this novel. I’ll be looking for Joe’s other books at my local library. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for letting me read this one. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Review For Forgotten Sisters by Cynthia (Cina) Pelayo

Featured

Posted on by
1

My oldest and I went to Chicago when they were six. It was Father’s Day weekend. I’ve wanted to go to Chicago since I was a kid. I’ve been a Blackhawks fan since I was in Mites. If you don’t know, I was seven or eight. I’ve been fascinated by it. By the lake, the river, and the sports teams.

We went to the Adler Planetarium. We stayed at the Hotel Lincoln, where I had a ghost experience and attended a Cubs game at Wrigley.

Cina knows Chicago. She knows what the air tastes like in the winter. How the river freezes, leaving chunks of ice floating through it in the winter. She brings this knowledge to every story about Chicago. Its presence drips from the prose in her books and stories.

She takes you into her stories and their fairy tales the way no one can. She knows the city, the fairy tales she reconstructs and places them into the city’s history.

We should all know the story of the Little Mermaid, either from Disney or Hans Christian Andersen, but it’s Andersen’s version she takes hold of in Forgotten Sisters.

It opens with two sisters. They’ve suffered a tragedy, but we don’t know what it is early on.

The sister’s link to a series of deaths in Chicago opens many things about the story. Cynthia takes hold of the narrative of death, intricately weaving a tale about grief, loss, and death. The death from long ago and the death of the sister’s parents weave a tapestry rich with the history of Chicago, the ghosts who haunt the city, of which there are many, and take us on a journey of discovery with the main character.

Anyone whose lost a loved one knows this journey. We’re angry about what happened. We wish we could have fixed it, but in the end, we find our way to dealing with it the best way we can.

We think about that person often. We remember the good times we had. We consider what we lost when they left, and we sit in these memories.

We are born in a world where loss is inevitable. Sometimes we see it coming. Other times, it strikes when we least expect it.

Cina is one of my favorite writers. She carries a story through to the end. She makes the connections. I found tears in my eyes when I finished this book.

I try not to give spoilers in my reviews. You should come into Forgotten Sisters blind. I didn’t give much away. This has jumped to one of my favorite reads of the year. I can’t wait for its release.

The days grow

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

There are moments in my writing where the days grow wider. The wind blows outside. There are times when I see things more clearly than others, and then, there are times like now.

It’s been a couple of months since I’ve written anything decent. Reading Tim Waggoner’s book lit some sort of fire, though it may have been a combination of several things.

I did a ghost hunt at Mercur Cemetery with the Utah Chapter of the HWA this past Friday. I got some great pictures of a sunset. That night has been with me since. I think about how old it is. The Town of Mercur went away in the early 1900s. After two fires and the closure of a mine, it fell apart. This happened to many towns around the same time.

The cemetery sits on a hill overlooking the valley below, but there was something about that night. Something about the sounds. The feelings, and then there was how I felt and my youngest felt. I’ve always been sensitive to places like that. It was their first time at a place like that. They did not enjoy it. It was overwhelming to them.

I’ve talked to them about it since. They’re getting better. But the atmosphere of that place is different. The air shifts when you walk up the hill to it. It’s subtle, but they and I noticed it.

I’ll be using that trip to work. It’s the least I can do. I may post pictures from it. I got some great ones. It was the uncomfortableness of it. It wasn’t the dark, but the sounds. The chittering in the dark. It has stuck with me.

Review for Let Me Tell You A Story, by Tim Waggoner

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’ll start this with a few comments. I’ve read the other two books in this series. They’re two of the best “How To Write” books. The other books on that list are Stephen King’s On Writing, On Writing Horror By the HWA, and John Gardner’s On Becoming A Novelist. Some of these are not true “How To” books. King’s is more of a memoir, plainly stated on the cover. The others are How To Write books. Yes, King’s book has a section on “How To,” but the majority of the book is a memoir and a damn good one.

Tim’s books stick with horror, and while the first two, especially the first book, are great for beginners, the third book feels like it’s for those further along in their writing.

I loved this one as someone who has moved in a different direction with their writing. The first two helped me get started. This one is helping me move along in a number of ways.

I stopped writing for the last couple of months. But this is bringing me back.

This book is about Tim analyzing his own stories. Some of which were written a number of years ago. This feels like Tim talking to his younger self. Telling stories about the writer he was. Going through the stories is an analysis of the stories, but also a trip and memoir about the writer he was and is.

I’ve read my older stuff and see the progression from that writer to the one I am now. I see the elements repeating themselves, as they have for Tim.

Now, the part I can’t talk about. I did not do the exercises in this book. Doing them and reading the book for a review would take a bit longer. I will do them when the book comes out and share them here. I spent a few weeks doing the exercises in the other two books. I intend to do that with this book as well.

I’ll say that Tim gets better with each one of these. I’m sure he’ll be up for another Stoker for this one and probably win.

This series of books has helped me find my voice, fix writing issues, and improve my grasp of the craft. His idea in the first book of creating bags and pulling things from them gave me the idea for the novella I have coming out next month. It was woods, mental health, and cults. I ran with it from there. I got my copy through NetGalley, but as with the others in this series, I’ll purchase the physical copy. I need to get through each of the exercises. You all will be the first to know when I do.

Here is a link to Amazon for the Paperback, the Kindle, and Barnes & Noble for this book.

Moving ahead and through

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve had this problem with who I am for a long time. Am I the kid whose parents divorced when he was eight and threw his world into shambles? Am I the 18 year old who was sent home from Marine boot camp?

I used to be really angry with my parents about their divorce. My mom left when I wasn’t home and nothing was explained to me. Her and two of my sisters just weren’t at our house anymore. We all went to therapy together, but it was a ruse, or at least felt like it to me. I knew something else was going one. I was eight. I had no idea the minds of adults.

Over time, I’ve grown to understand what they went through. That eight-year-old boy may not understand, but this 47 year old man does, and that’s good enough for me to move forward.

That 18 year old boy didn’t know what the hell was happening. He said something about his lungs. He didn’t have any lung issues, but had a reaction when he was working one night. He took that as something worse. It’s something he, and I, have had to deal with for almost 30 years. Sometimes the consequences of honesty are not what you expect. Sometimes they change your life. I’ve been angry with what I said that day. It’s taken a long time to forgive that boy. He’d barely experienced anything in his life. He’d barely lost his virginity(Something that was a big deal then, but not as much now). I think that boy needs to be forgiven. He wanted that title worse than anything. He didn’t know the consequences of his actions. He was just a kid who wanted to get away from his family.

I never planned to come home after boot camp, except to see my grandmother. She passed away while I would have been at boot camp. It’s a nice thing to say that if I’d have made it through boot I’d never have talked to her again. She visits me often. I don’t believe in things happening for a reason. It’s bullshit.

I see where my life is. I see that boy I was, both at eight and 18. He would be amazed we’re married, have kids, and writes books. Neither of them would have believed it.

It’s time to do something now that I’ve let them go. There’s a force in me that rears its head on occasion. I call it the monster. It’s been leashed for too long.

Let’s take it for a ride.

Getting back to normal

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I found myself straying away from the point of this blog. It was meant to help me deal with the world around me. I know why it went sideways. I was chasing my writing. I should have let it develop on its own.

I used to talk about depression, dealing with it, and trying to escape it.

I have a book coming out in October. It was challenging to write. Here’s where I get a bit personal. With the healthcare system in the United States, I should have seen someone about a specific situation. I had a severe mental break ten years ago. During and after that break, I dealt with delusions. I would hear things, see things, and for most of those years, believe untrue things. I used what I dealt with to write the book coming out in October.

I didn’t seek professional help because I worried it would impact my wife’s and my health insurance. We had great health insurance in Las Vegas, but sadly, we’re using my wife’s now. It’s not as good as what he had in Las Vegas. But no health insurance is decent when it comes to mental health.

Gerald’s journey in ‘The End Is All I Can See’ is similar to mine. He has dealt with other issues, but writing the book was cathartic. I found myself diving into my head, seeing the world through those lenses. I haven’t been diagnosed with what Gerald deals with, but the signs point to it. My delusion was something like the Truman Show. I completely believed the delusion. It wasn’t until I said something to my wife that we sat down and discussed it. It continues to raise its head. It’s usually when I’m stressed or worried about how I’m perceived. This perception led me to believe in the delusion. There are times I’ve wished for it to be real. This plays into the delusion. With my writing, it’s an ever-present thought. If the delusion were absolute, someone would care about what I do. Someone would care about my writing. It’s all any of us want. For someone to care about us. This makes my depression worse. I constantly worry I’ll head down the road on this delusion and have a psychotic break. This is my greatest fear with the delusion.

I would like the delusion to stop. I have weeks where it’s not there. Then it pops up again.

I think it started a few weeks before my mental break. I’d taken a pill for something. A few hours later, I heard a woman screaming for help. I ran around our house and outside, looking for her. My wife was worried as hell. A woman, completely naked, her skin all bloody as if she were pulled from a Clive Barker story, stood outside our closet. I didn’t say anything to my wife about the woman. I knew how mad it sounded. I knew how absolutely ridiculous the idea of the woman being there was, but I saw her.

I haven’t seen her since, but it’s something that has stayed in my head.

I had to get that out. I hope you’ll read the book when it comes out.

Review for Looking Glass Sound By Catriona Ward

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I read this in about a week. Honestly, I’ve had trouble reading Catriona’s work before this one. I couldn’t get into Needless Street. It’s one of my wife’s favorite books, but I struggled and DNF’d it because of those struggles.

I try to find a connection to books while reading them—something from my past or, with this one, something from my childhood. My parents divorced when I was in third grade. They fought constantly over everything. I understood Wilder Harlow.

We start with Wilder in his youth. Something messed up happens one summer that changes everything for him and the friends he’s gained during the summers his family vacationed on the Maine coast. I don’t want to spoil this book, but I’m Warning You there may be some within this review.

The incident in question haunts Wilder throughout his life, eventually leading him to write a book about it.

He returns to the scene many years later, but this is where it got weird for me. The book took a turn into the abstract. It made me question what I’d read up to the ending. It almost felt like I was duped. The ending felt like a dream ending in books or movies. I loved the book up until the end. I wanted it to stick the ending. It came out of left field for me.

There is so much I want to say about this book. I want to talk with others about it. The ending was off for me. Maybe I missed something and need to read it again, but the ending with the book (you’ll understand when you read it) came across as forced and convoluted. I ended up not entirely sure what happened and what was a story within the story, but not in a good way.

My wife and I talked about Needless Street. She told me the ending, and maybe having known it, I should have been prepared for it to do what it did, but I didn’t care for it.

I want to discuss this book with whoever wishes.

Taking the Time

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

This post popped up on Instagram and several other sites over the last few days. It’s the “Take The Next Six Months” post. I saw it six times in the last couple of days. I’m taking that and other things as a hint to disappear for a while.

I’ve thought about doing this and posted here about it a few times. I no longer need to post, write, take pictures, or do anything else on the social media trash fire.

I will continue to write, and I have a book coming out in October and another in December. They’ll come out, and I’ll promote them, but I won’t kill myself over this anymore. I’m done trying to play the game.

I have too much to do and don’t want to worry about clicks or how well my books are doing. I’ll write in whatever genre I feel like at that moment. Get it as good as I can and publish it.

I hope you’ll read my books. They’re wherever you can find your books.

Down to the last thing

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

Last week I wrote a couple of reviews here. I’m going to be only on here.

I tried the Substack thing. It’s just like being on here, but there are fewer readers. I had almost zero engagement on there. Twitter is the same way. I’ll probably leave there soon.

I’m considering leaving every social media I have except for this one. Substack is a blog. You can dress it up and add fancy things, but it’s still a blog. It’s why I deleted my account yesterday.

I can devote time to writing or social media, not both. I know SM is supposed to help me gain readers. I understand that, but I’m at the point where I’d rather write and publish what I want. It could be the next Jax Reed novel, a horror collection/novella/novel, or something else.

Jax’s book came out almost a year ago, and I haven’t written his next book. I know what it’s about. I have an outline. I’ve been worrying so much about finding connections on SM that I didn’t write it. I’ve written a lot of horror stories. Those will be coming out later this year and early 2024. I’ve created the covers for them. This is for the novella coming in October/November.

It’s been through a bunch of rewrites and revisions. I’ll be inputting those this week. I should have it up for preorder in early August. I’ll post here when that happens. I’ll have the other covers up soon, but the edits aren’t done for those yet.

You’ll be seeing more of me in the future. This is the only place I’ll write.

Brian

Review For Spin A Black Yarn by Josh Malerman

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I have read two of Josh’s books, Bird Box and Daphne. My wife has read almost all of his books, but I’ve had trouble with them. At least, I used to. I intend to revisit his books after reading this collection of novellas.

Spoilers Ahead

Let’s start out with the first story. This one felt chaotic at first. As I settled in, making my way around the story as the characters makes their way around the house. It made me uncomfortable in a way I’ve tried to put into words. This has become difficult, at least with this story. The presences within Half The House Is Haunted made me think about my childhood.

There are numerous throughlines in this story. It’s longer than some of the others. I wonder if Josh thought of expanding it into something longer. It feels like it could have been longer.

My uncomfortableness with this story lies with the telling of it. The first sequence is about childhood and what we find in our house. It’s about discovering the parts of your house your parents forbid you from, siblings, and how we don’t get along with some of ours.

It reminds me of one of the houses I grew up in. We were forbidden from going into our parent’s room. Which is normal. But discovering the house between the siblings and their interactions scared me more than the story itself.

I’ll move forward to the next story, Argyle.

Have you ever had those thoughts? The ones you shouldn’t speak about? What if you decided to come clean on your deathbed. How would that go?

Luckily, Josh has done that for us, but if you want to spill your secrets, go for it. I won’t hold you back.

I enjoyed the hell out of this story. We’ve all had those uncomfortable thoughts. Or maybe it’s me. I love Shawn in this story. He was honest about letting go of who he wanted to be and not letting anyone know until the end of his life. The struggle of keeping those secrets is similar to the first story. It’s about secrets.

Doug and Judy Buy the House Washer

Doug and Judy worked their whole lives to have the best of everything, but they’ve sacrificed themselves to get there.

The house washer cleans everything up. It doesn’t hold back from those little things you’ve kept in drawers, literally and figuratively. As the cleaner makes its way through the house, we see the darkness within Doug and Judy. We see what they’ve done. Who they’ve done it to, and how far they’ve gone to get where they are. It was a fantastic exploration of what people will do to get ahead in life and business and to be better than those around them.

The scenes in the bubble gave me that claustrophobic feeling. It’s as much of us, the reader, watching them, and them watching their lives.

Jupiter Drop

I’d like to see Josh do more science fiction like this. The claustrophobic feeling of the box. I was fascinated by Steve and what happened to him and all the little details. This was a great exploration of doing anything to escape your problems, only to find them waiting for you.

Egorov

This was my favorite story in the collection. I recently finished The Brothers Karamazov and found the writing in this story similar, but one particular scene stood out. When one brother returns to a house to find a woman living in it, there is a scene in Egorov similar, or at least gave the same vibes.

The story of revenge is an almost Dickensian tale of scaring someone to get revenge for what they’ve done. It reminded me of many classic mystery and revenge books I’ve read.

I would like to see Josh write a novel-length book like this one. A revenge/mystery book.

I read this through NetGalley, but I will buy it when it comes out. I want to reread this last story.

Josh is a great writer, and I’ll go to Goblin soon.

Review for Mister Magic By Kiersten White

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

“Adults are children with both more and less autonomy.”

The above quote was early in the book and stuck with me.

We meet our main character, Val, at a ranch owned by her father. It’s unclear why she’s there. There is a lot of mystery around her childhood and her father. Her father was the controlling type, but we discover something else as we delve deeper into the story.

I grew up where most of the book is set. I was an outsider looking at the LDS(Mormon) faith. I picked up on her innuendos that maybe others may not have seen.

But I’m getting sidetracked.

Val meets her friends Isaac, Marcus, and Javi early in the story. They inform her she was once a part of a TV show.

She leaves the only life she’s known to discover what she may have lost. There is a stream throughout the book about losing things and about trauma. It’s on how they talk about the show and won’t say Mister Magic’s name. This thread runs throughout the book.

This book has a lot to say about faith, religion, cults, and trauma. It may have been me reading into it, but I found the descriptions of how religion wants their kids to be a certain way. How they will do anything to make sure their kids behave, don’t talk back, and don’t use profanity. It felt like the life I watched friends grow up with while I stood outside the LDS faith.

I don’t like to give a book report or go chapter by chapter. I’ve done that. It doesn’t feel right to me as a reviewer. I’d rather put my personal touch on reviews. Which is why I stated the above.

The author knows her way around the subject without bludgeoning the reader.

Sometimes I read a sentence or paragraph and was like, yep, I remember that. The way people talk about how when a woman isn’t married by a certain age, there might be something wrong with her. My wife dealt with that. I watched family members marry early only to divorce later. It’s prevalent in Utah culture to marry out of high school, especially for women. If you don’t, something is wrong with you, or so they say.

The idea of a secret. Of something being held back from one another, a certain trauma coalesces at the end of the book. We never remember our childhood perfectly. There are bumps.

In the end, we want what’s best for our own kids. The hope that our kids have better childhoods than our own. That we give them something better than we had. That’s the hope of every decent parent.

I hope you enjoyed this review. If you have any questions, leave them in the comments. I’ll be posting this on my substack as well. Happy reading.

Book Review for Cold, Black, & Infinite By Todd Keisling

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve attempted this review three times. I get distracted by what I read in this collection. I’ve thought about it for the last week.

First, I’ve read Todd’s book, Devil’s Creek and Scanlines, and loved them. I was happy to see one story tied into Devil’s and another with the same theme. As someone who dealt with suicidal ideation, Scanlines was difficult, but I was better for reading it.

So, let’s get into it.

Midnight in the Southland is one of my favorite stories in this collection. I listened to Art Bell driving home from work when I lived in Las Vegas. It was late at night, and I worked graveyards and swings. I loved Art Bell. The people who came on that show were off the wall sometimes, but they believed their stories, and Art believed them.

This story reminded me of those nights. I would have known who it was for if Todd hadn’t put that dedication to Art Bell at the beginning. All those late nights driving home from work made me and my girlfriend(now wife) go out to Rachel, NV. We have our own stories about those trips.

2:45 to Mexico had Outer Limits, Twilight Zone, and Tales from the Darkside feels, and it was a fantastic story. I’ve traveled by bus a couple of times. There are those people in stops that you’re not sure about. You keep your distance from them. There’s something off, even if you can’t grasp it.

HappyTown, man, this story was a lot of fun to read. It was a change from the other stories but fit into the collection.

Y2K: I remember the stress of working the night of Y2K. I was bartending on the Las Vegas strip. We were told to prepare for our computers to go down. For hysteria to eclipse the festivities of New Year’s Eve, but none of that happened. I’ve come up with a story idea after reading this one. I’ll have to spend some time with it, but this could have happened anywhere.

Black Friday: What’s better than zombies? A black Friday with zombies. I’ve worked retail a lot in my life. I worked at Blockbuster in the late 90s. We had some crazy nights, but our store had haunting issues, not zombies. I think about that store a lot. It’s where I met my future wife.

Tommy: This was one of those stories that felt out of place from the others. It feels that way with some collections. I’m sure it was added for levity. Who hasn’t wanted to get rid of their bullies? I had a couple in junior high that I would have done anything to eliminate.

Afterbirth: This was a story that struck a nerve with me. Having fertility issues early on, my wife and I considered many things, but this was not one of them. I liked this story and the tragedy of the MC, who only wants to have a child, but goes about it in a way that no one should ever do.

Annie’s Heart Is A Haunted House: Feels of Poe, Beast House By Richard Laymon, Sleeping Beauty, and Urban Gothic by Brian Keene. I liked this story a lot. The way the house takes its victims and moves them into the house was genius, and I loved watching them fall. Brian Keene’s Urban Gothic was my introduction to Extreme Horror and holds a special place. I saw instances of that book in this story.

The Gods Of Ours Fathers: Todd says this story was challenging to write. I understand the reasons. The brutality of the father and Mary’s brother overtakes my stomach. The writing brings it together in a way that could have faltered had it not been for Todd’s writing. The imagery within the story of Mary at the stones, of her asking for help from the Gods of her grandfather, of the blood on the rocks, and Mary’s blood from what her brother did, gave the story a resolution I hadn’t expected.

Solve For X: The black-eyed children have come for your kids. The imagery of this story and the ending with the eyeless child was great. While this is the shortest in the collection, it hangs in the air, and I would have liked it to be longer.

We’ve All Gone to Crooked Town: If you’ve ever been to a town on life support or lived in one of them, this story will hit home. I’ve done both. The little town of Granger, WY, where I lived during my Junior and Senior year of high school, is only a dot on the map, but I always wondered if the Green River that flowed through it would take the town one day, or the winter storms would. Neither happened, and the town is still there.

Granger was smaller than that town. Full of oil riggers and people working during the summer months, then returning to their families. I know what it feels like to wake up and hope the town you were in would vanish. I liked this story for those reasons.

Smile Factory: The Eldritch have you. They’re making you smile for what they want. This was an exciting story that left me guessing what was happening. It felt like a descent into madness at times. Having dealt with depression and those conditions myself, having to put on a smile to make my way through life is constant. This is what that felt like. Wearing a smile so no one thinks something is wrong is what you do when you’re depressed. It keeps the questions away.

Holes in the Fabric: Devil’s Creek is a favorite novel of mine. Seeing into the past of one of that novel’s characters was a great escape. I wondered about how she got where she was in Devil’s Creek. It was a fleshing-out of the character’s story that I enjoyed.

Happy Pills: We’ve all wanted that pill to make us feel normal. If you’ve dealt with depression, you have. I wouldn’t want to go as far as this story, though it does have its rewards.

Gethsemane: I read the title for this story and wondered how that could be turned into a horror story. It’s done well. I won’t give anything away with this one. You have to read it with an open mind. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

We’ve All Gone To The Magic House: It felt like a Twilight Zone episode or an episode of Doctor Who. I wasn’t sure where it would end, but it tied everything together. I remember a place like the Magic House in my hometown. People remembered it being open, but no one could say what lay inside. Even now, I forget what the place was called.

I hope you enjoyed this review. I enjoyed reading the collection. It comes out on September 1, 2023. I will buy a copy of it and put it next to Scanlines.

On a side note, the choice of title and how each section was broken up was great. I am a huge Nine Inch Nails fan and have seen them 10 times. I knew I’d like this collection from the title.

Finding me.

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

After 13 novels and novellas, you’d think I’d found what I wanted to write. What I was good at or at least what I was interested in.

I did a writing class about finding an agent the other day. It was a good class, but what the writer said about finding their voice stuck with me. They limited what they wrote because, for some reason, they didn’t say. But it came out that those restricted things that they were doing dialed it back for publishing reasons. It limited who they were and what they wrote. It killed their voice.

I have written a vampire novel, a post-apocalyptic novel, a YA novel, an urban fantasy, two fantasy novels, a haunted house novel, a military/political thriller, and others I’ve forgotten.

You’d think I’d understand my voice by now. That I’d know what I should sound like on the page. I don’t know that I do. This is the hardest part of it. I loved writing all of those books. I enjoyed every page, and each character holds a special place. I’m not sure any of them are my voice. The urban fantasy or the military/political thriller comes the closest.

I love writing horror, but most of all, I love writing. I’m unsure what the future holds, but I’ll keep writing.

I’ll publish three books this year: two novellas and a collection. I have the covers and am dialing in the edits for all of them. I’ll post more when I have more to say.

Fixing…loading….

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I hate to leave anyone hanging. I didn’t write the post that was supposed to go out today. I lost my train of thought on a few things. I’m sure you recognize that from Friday’s post.

I’m working on fixing all of this. I’ll keep you posted.

There are days…

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I have a lot of projects going on. Let’s get that out of the way. I’m trying to build an audience for my work. Recent issues with the owner of Twitter don’t help with the latter of these. I joined Substack to get a bit more followers for my writing. It hasn’t helped, at least not yet.

The other day, I saw a post on Instagram about going dark for six months. I’ve thought of doing this a lot. Just shutter my blog and all of my socials and work. It’s what I’m leaning towards.

I enjoy the interaction on this blog. I enjoy Twitter, but that place is not what it once was. I know it’s on its last legs. We all see through the fire and smoke. We saw it when MySpace crashed.

Anywho, I will be going on a sabbatical.

Back to work…

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

My wife and I finished spreading the rock on our yard this last weekend. We’re still recovering.

I am working on a new project. It’s moving swiftly. I hit 13k today and wrote 2100 words each of the last two days. It’s been a while since I wrote this quickly.

Sorry, this one is later than usual. I was busy getting my word count. I’ll leave you with this, get it done.

A hectic few days.

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’m attempting to get my body in better shape. These means I’m working out 3 days a week. I will progress to a daily workout when my body is comfortable with the workouts I’m doing.

This led me to workout on Wednesday. I have to back up a bit.

Our front lawn does every year. It’s a menace that my wife and I no longer want to put effort into fixing. We ordered rock a few weeks ago. It happened to arrive Wednesday. I did a full workout Wednesday morning and threw rock for four hours Wednesday night. I woke up sore as hell Thursday.

On the writing front, I’m continuing to work on this new/old project. It’s coming along and I’m taking my time with it. I’m easily distracted. The medication I’m on seems to do that. I went off of it and it didn’t work. I’m back on and feeling better.

I started using Notes on Substack this week. I can’t stand Twitter lately. The algorithm is all over the place and the leadership sucks. I’m trying out Notes for now.

It’s hard to get a following on these newer social media places. Especially as someone without a publisher backing them. I’m still writing and while I’ve considered quitting, I’ve worked too hard to get where I am. My writing improves every day. I won’t back away from that.

Anyway, I’ll see you my Substack if you’re a subscriber over there on Sunday. If not, I’ll see you here on Monday. Have a good weekend.

What I’m Afraid Of.

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve had this topic on my mind for the last couple of weeks. I think about it while I’m alone in my car, in the shower, and when I’m playing video games.

My parents divorced when I was in third grade. I’ve worried about this since the birth of my son. While we’ve had our ups and downs, our ups are strong right now.

I entered boot camp almost thirty years ago and when it got to it, I was scared. I was afraid of starting my life and doing all of the details of it. I got an honorable discharge for my bad eyes a few days after arriving at boot. I was thankful at the time, but also worried what my family would say. That is one thing in my life I would change. I’ve worked to overcome it but it’s always there.

The others are a relationship with my son and daughter. I don’t have one with my biological father and I don’t want that for my kids. I work hard to make amends with them for my past failings.

My other fear is that I’m wasting my time with my writing and that I should spend more time helping my wife financially. This is a bigger one since I haven’t worked an event in almost three months. If you know of a bar in Utah that’s hiring bartenders I have 24 years experience.

There is also the fear of spending too much time doing other things, gaming, reading…etc, and that is impacting my writing career. This is the one at forefront lately. I enjoy playing video games with my wife but I wonder if I spend more time doing that than I should.

The fear of falling off the wagon is big one too. I’ve worked hard for my sobriety. It’s one of my biggest accomplishments. I know it’s there waiting to take control. That’s the way it is as an alcoholic.

I’m sure other fears escape me, but these are on my mind daily. It’s one of the reasons I’m on antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication.

I come to this blog three days a week to talk about my issues. I’m sure it’s hard to read for some people but honesty has been at the forefront of my life for years. I attribute this to the reasons I no longer have a relationship with my biological father.

But enough of me. Have a good couple of days and I’ll see you back here on Friday, same bat time, same bat channel.

Starting over

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I started work on something last week. It didn’t fall apart, it’s on my computer, but I had a story idea in my head since we moved back to Utah.

The damn thing plagued me like no other. I’ve sat down to write it numerous times with no results.

Last night while I attempted to sleep, the solution came. I didn’t write it down but it stayed with me through the night.

I’m working on that story. Sometimes things click and this one definitely has. I’ll go back to the other story after this one is done.

I have a lot to get done in the next few months. I have two novellas to edit and another collection as well. I’m working on things for Horror-Zero Books and I’ll announce that when I’m able.

I hope you’ll stick around as returning to this blog has been wonderful.

Have a good start to your week and I’ll see you here Wednesday.

My head is back in it

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

This week has been interesting, to say the least. I dove into a story I’d shelved years ago. I wrote the whole book, edited it, and haven’t touched it since. There are many reasons for this but the biggest is, it was the first book I wrote. I spent months on it.

I’m heading back into that world and while I won’t talk about it here, I will say that it’s a lot of fun to revisit these characters.

On other fronts, I will be publishing two novellas this summer under my Horror-Zero Books label. I may publish a collection. It depends on when I get the edits back.

But I wrote 3k in the last few days. That’s progress.

In it

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

Today started with me not getting my workout. I was tired from yesterday and while I’m not sure why, I wrote this morning and finished a first draft of a story yesterday.

What I wrote today is something I wrote a while ago. It’s been years since I sat down a wrote a story like it and I enjoyed it quite a bit.

We’ve had more snow this week and I’m sick of looking at and shoveling the stuff. I know we’re in a drought but god I’m tired of snow.

I’ll be spending the rest of the day with my youngest while my oldest stream Overwatch 2 on Twitch. They’re very good at the game and are starting to get a following on the platform. I’m glad as they’ve had trouble finding work since graduating last June. I hope this gives them a job. I know it’s what they want.

My youngest is on spring break and I’m taking them to our local mall to look at clothes and doing a few other things.

I’ve enjoyed coming back to this blog quite a bit. Monday’s power outage last a little over 90 minutes but it through my day off and I only wrote a little later in the day.

My wife and I are playing Alliance characters in Warcraft again. I know she prefers the way the look to Horde and I’m good with either faction.

I have a few writing plans for this summer and I’ll talk about them Friday or Monday, and possibly on my Substack as well.

Have a good Wednesday. I’ll see you all Friday.

Coming Together…

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

My goals become more clear with each day.

There’s a point of things coming together. Stories forming, dreams coalescing, and my mind revealing where we’re headed.

It’s a constant flux of frustrations, indecision, and knowing that I’m heading in the correct direction.

This week has been one of finding all of those things circling me and my mind understanding it all.

I know the path. I understand the way. It’s all coming to a point of reflection. A place of joy. A place of persistence and within it all I find my mind going in various ways. Some of these are where I want to be. The visions in my mind of where I will be. The place of everything and it’s all coming.

I see the rhythm and know where the writing is going. I see the path and keep going. I know it’s where I’m supposed to be.

Come along for the ride. We’re going places.

Keep Going

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

This past weekend was an interesting one. I wrote my third or fourth article on Substack. I spent yesterday and this morning shoveling snow.

I started work on the new project. I may not have a lot of words down on it but I know where I want to go. I said in Friday’s post that I’ve never seen it so clearly when writing, and that’s true. This one has me.

I’m enjoying posting here again. I’ve worked out a few kinks and I’m working on getting an LLC created for my work. I have a ton of books on the backlog or in the trunk and I’d like to get them up to reading order.

I’ll be back here on Wednesday with another discussion, but I will probably talk about where my mental health has been. Wednesday, Odin’s Day, sounds like a good time as any.

Have a pleasant start to your week

Fear creeping in…

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I have this story, I believe I mentioned it on Wednesday. I haven’t written a novel-length story in a while. It’s freaking me out to have a story developing in my head this quickly. It usually takes a while, or at least until I’ve started for the story to lead me to places. This story hasn’t done that. It’s making me reevaluate how I write.

I’ve always written horror as a pantser. Well, mostly a pantser. I may write down scenes or sections that I know are coming later. This story is coming to me all at once. I’ve taken notes in my head. I know they haven’t gone anywhere. They’re there as I write this. I know the start, and parts of the middle, but it’s the other parts. The parts that are fully formed that I’m tripping over. I mean tripping as one does on LSD. It’s freaking me out.

I have moments of this story in my head. They won’t be quiet and I’ve lost sleep the last couple of nights over it. I wanted to do an outline for this one. I had intended to do that. As I write these words, this story is pushing me to get it down. I feel how I felt three years ago when I wrote Disunion, in which I wrote all 100k in a little over a month.

This story feels like that. I will probably start on it Monday. It’s taken me a week to get to this point. I know where the story goes it’s about getting to the end now.

I hope you’ll follow my blog. I feel better about it now. I feel better now.

Something new…a storms coming.

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

Today started with my watch getting me up at 5:30 to get my meditation, which led to me getting my workout before I took my youngest and their friend to school. It actually started last night during my afternoon meditation.

I had a story idea and the images of it came quickly. I’ve thought about nothing else since. The visuals of the images. How my mind made connections and the thoughts of the freaky shit kept me from sleeping decent.

It’s been a while since I was able to see a story as clearly as this one. I will be taking my time with it. I have a lot of stories to submit on Submission Grinder and I’ll be doing that. The collection I planned to release this year will be cannibalized into story submissions. It’s the best use of those stories.

On another note, I haven’t had much work in the way of bartending lately. This sucks but I’ll be writing my ass off. Have a pleasant Wednesday.

Disconnected

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

The most difficult part of figuring out what I’m going to write is considering where I’d like to go. Do I want to be challenged? Do I need something else?

I found writing Disunion easy. Writing horror and getting it correct, that feels difficult. I’d rather challenge myself than not.

I’m working on a collection with a theme but and idea that came to me last night may change that.

I’m going back to horror knowing that I have a lot of work to do. This is not going to be easy but I’ll keep my head down and keep going.

Have a pleasant Monday.

Back to work…

Featured

Posted on by
1

I’ve had a lot of thoughts this week. All of them about my writing and which direction it’s headed.

As I said in a previous post, I’ll only be writing horror for publication from now on. Anything not horror will be for me. I have a list of places I’ll be submitting short stories and the novellas I’ve written. Those will be going out in the next few months.

I can’t not write. I’ve created stories since I was a little kid. It’s as much a part of me as anything else. I will narrow my focus on horror.

I love to watch and read horror and while I enjoyed writing books like Disunion, those will be trunk books or books that will never see the light of day.

I hope you’ll continue to follow me on here as well as Substack. I also recently pulled Disunion and my collection. I’m figuring out what to do with the collection. Disunion and Jax Reed are going to be done. While I love the world I created with him and Griggs and the research I did was a lot of fun, I feel those stories are not what was expected of me.

I’m going back to horror unless something pulls me another way. I don’t see that happening. Disunion’s reception hurt and it’s the main reason those stories are shelved.

Have a good weekend,

Brian

Renewed focus

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’m sitting in my favorite reading chair, staring at bits from Twitter, and waiting for my mind to adjust from the pills I can’t take anymore.

It’s not the writing. It’s the constant nightmares. Every night, more than a couple of times I’ll wake up breathless. I don’t remember them or I’d write them down. I only know I’m scared. I’m tired of being scared.

I pulled my collection from Amazon yesterday. I’m working on getting Disunion off of Ingramspark, and I’m reevaluating where to go from here.

Today, as I read, log into World of Warcraft, and figure out the next steps I’ll keep you updated here as well as on my Substack.

Know that I’ll continue to write though I may go absent for a while on social media but this is where you can find me.

Have a pleasant, whatever…B

Changing a few things…

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve debated over the last few weeks about my novel, Disunion By Force. I enjoyed writing it, editing it, and working on the cover, but I think it’s ran its course.

I hoped it would do well but I hasn’t. I’ll be pulling it from publication soon. I have copies of it so I can sell those. When they’re gone it will exist only for me and those who’ve read it.

I could have done things differently with the book. I should have left the original ending, shouldn’t have changed other things, but it’s done. I’m a better writer for growing through it.

Here’s where the change begins. I’ll be focusing solely on horror in writing and submitting. I learned that unless the people you talk to regularly read what you’re writing it will fail. Most of the people I talk to regularly are in the horror genre.

As Disunion goes away I’ll be pulling my collection from Amazon as well. That’s for other reasons and it’s something I meant to do a while ago.

I’m having trouble writing but I’m working my way through those issues.

I hope you all have a pleasant week, Brian

A New Fork In The Road

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve always believed there are moments in our lives where we can go one direction and it leads to something easy, or another direction and it will be harder but worth it.

I’ve often taken the easier road. It’s hard to digest that I’ve done that, but looking back at my life, I’ve usually taken the easier road.

I don’t know why I’ve done this. I think it has to do with my childhood, but that could be me placing blame where I should accept my failings.

I know the road ahead is fraught with terrible worries. I know where I’m headed will be difficult and I’ll be mostly on my own, again.

Being on my own and doing things for myself has always been my out. It’s always led me to a better place. I know my writing is good. I’ve compared it to many stories I’ve read lately, and I know it’s good. I don’t know why it’s not doing well.

I’ve reached a point, the fork in the road. I can continue writing or stop altogether. I’ve considered the latter quite often lately.

I know what I have to do to get over it. I know where I have to go. I understand all that this journey will entail. It won’t be easy, but I no longer have a choice.

Let’s get it done. Move forward.

Breaking…

Featured

Posted on by
1

There have been times in my writing life when I wanted to stop. I thought, fuck this, I’m done.

It’s happened a lot recently. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m tired of trying so hard and getting nowhere or if I think I’m trying hard but I’m really not.

I have two books out. One is a collection of horror stories, the other a novel. But to say they’ve done well is a lie. They’ve done poorly and I think it’s me. I think it’s because I’m in the horror community, albeit an X or Z-level player, but I’m there. People who follow me didn’t know how to react to Disunion By Force. That’s my fault. I own that.

I don’t understand my disappearance from regular conversations with other writers.

I’m deciding whether to take all of my stories off of their places and shelve them for a while. I’ve talked to my wife about this and she’s cool with it. I have a collection of Travel Horror stories I’ll be putting out this year. I’m working on creating my own LLC for publishing. That will happen later this year before I publish the collection.

I would like to take a year off from my regular day job and write. I also am spending a lot of time playing World of Warcraft. It gives me the mental break I need.

I am considering getting rid of this blog as well. This year is about change and new starts. I’m doing a lot of that in my personal life. I plan to do it with my writing life as well.

I don’t want to quit. I enjoy coming to the page almost every day. The ones I don’t enjoy make the others more difficult.

That’s it for now.

What’s going on?

Featured

Posted on by
1

I’ve dealt with my stomach issues over the last few months, but that’s not what this post is about.

After I had my initial visit with my doctor, I asked to be put on anti-depressant/anxiety medication. If you’ve read this blog for a while you understand my reasons for that; now I’ve run into a problem.

I started taking the medicine in November and I haven’t written a word since. I don’t feel like writing, reading, or watching anything with my wife. A malaise settled in over my life. One that I’m not comfortable with. Writing and books are where I get the most enjoyment. They’ve always been my safe space. Not writing feels worse than depression.

I’m not cured of depression. That doesn’t happen. I understand that the medicine takes away the depression and the lows in causes. It’s also taking away my desire to work. I get to my desk every morning and stare at a blank screen. I may write something but I delete it later because I’m not interested in what I’ve put down.

I usually start exercising to help with my depression issues. I don’t want to do that either.

I’m going off the medication to see if that fixes this. I can’t live without writing. It’s causing me more mental issues than it’s solving.

I had wanted to publish this year. I don’t desire that either. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t posted here.

Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Boy, do I have a story for you all

Featured

Posted on by
1

I’ve dealt with stomach issues for the last year. It was preceded by a colonoscopy.

I didn’t think anything of it. I started having back issues a few months later. I didn’t think anything of it and went to a chiropractor. I dealt with severe migraines while working in Las Vegas, and adjustments helped.

I’ve gone to my chiropractor since March, but over the last month or so, I wondered if the back issues were something else. My back pain was consistent, and the chiropractor didn’t alleviate it. It did help with my neck issues, however.

Last week something was different. My stomach issues stayed throughout the day. By Friday night, it hurt, but I went to work at my new job bartending at a local bar.

Throughout the night, I’d get bits of warmth, moments where I’d have to stop and take a few minutes to catch my breath. When I finished that night, I was ready for bed.

I got home, almost falling into bed, and my stomach killed me.

Saturday morning was a whole other ballgame. I felt like I’d been punched. Every movement hurt. I was supposed to bartend a Halloween party that night, but I called off. I told my boss I was headed for the doctor as my stomach hurt too bad to move.

Once at the clinic, I was told it may be my appendix, and I should go to the emergency room. My wife drove me to the emergency room. It was a visit I didn’t want as I believed my appendix would burst.

I received a CT scan around 11:30. A hour later, I was in room told I had possible sepsis. If you don’t know, I linked to the Mayo Clinic’s definition and details. Needless to say, my wife and I were freaking out a bit. They admitted me to the hospital and started me on antibiotics.

Over the next 48 hours, my pain subsided, but my anxiety skyrocketed. I’d just been told something was in my body that could kill me.

I’ve never been sick enough for the hospital. At 46, it’s something I was proud of.

My diagnosis was diverticulitis. I linked again to the Mayo Clinic as their explanation is better than my own.

By Monday, Halloween, I felt better. My white cells returned to normal. My blood work no longer worried my doctor. They released me. Since Monday, I’ve eaten a low-fiber diet. I still have a bit of uncomfortableness in my stomach, but not the pain I dealt with Saturday.

I learned from this. Never believe your back pain is from your spine. Always get it checked for other things before going to a chiropractor. I will have diverticulitis forever and will watch for flare-ups.

All of this happened the week before my book launch. I know bills will roll in as I live in the States, so please buy my book. It will help my wife and I when these bills do come in.

I wanted to start NaNo this month, but that’s on hold as I navigate this.

The Fear Of Pushing Too Hard

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I have this fear. It rouses its ugly head every so often. I’m working on whatever project, then I think about how much harder I could be working on my writing, on my life, and other things.

This fear becomes complicit in my not pushing my projects when they come out. On not trying hard enough to edit. Each and every one of them deserves my attention, but then there’s this fear.

It tells me that if I work too hard, I’ll alienate those I care about. That they’ll not like me as much. That I’ll break those relationships. I’ve dealt with abandonment issues since childhood. It’s one of my overarching issues.

Within this fear is the worry that if I don’t work harder, what I write won’t go anywhere. I don’t care anymore if it makes money. I care someone gets something out of it. I don’t write for anyone but myself. Some people won’t care about you’re writing. Others will. I stopped worrying about those who won’t. I focus on those who will.

Writing Disunion By Force took me to a few places I hadn’t dared tread since my teenage years. I wrote this book for my teenage self. He read a lot of these kinds of books. Most of them to keep him sane, others to keep him from killing himself.

I found solace and a bit of peace writing this book. I’ve come a long way from the kid afraid of screwing up. He continues to pop up, but I’ve shoved him down a little. I know he’d enjoy this book. I know there were times he was done. Times when it was just him in an apartment reading, watching horror movies, and trying to keep his head above water.

I live through the fear of pushing too hard, but it comes out right. I write for us.

Complaining too much and my brain telling me things.

Featured

Posted on by
2
Disunion by Force by Brian J. Stone

Everything I’ve written for the last couple of weeks is terrible. Whatever I picked up to read bored me and I’ve talked about it on social media.

Now, I try not to do this, but last week my brain told me off through a dream.

All the writers I interact with had an intervention. One said, “We’ve been watching you for a couple of years. I don’t know where you fell off, but you need to stop complaining and work.”

Needless to say, I thought of this dream for a couple of days. It resided in every waking moment. When I thought I got away from it, there it was, reeling me back in.

The funny thing is, I thought everything was fine. I didn’t see it. My subconscious did. It yelled at me in the dream, “You’ve been doing so good. You need to stop this complaining and work.”

Now, this is not a complaint to follow up on by the subconscious. It’s more of a story that I need to listen to that voice in my head that says to work.

I have a book out in a month, and I will promote the hell out of it for the next month and thereafter. What I will not do is complain about how hard this shit sometimes is. How hard I’m working. I want everyone to read Disunion By Force. I wrote it for me, so maybe it won’t reach the people I want it to, but I know someone will enjoy it.

They say you should write what you’d read and this is what my fourteen-year-old self would have read. It’s a book I think my biological father would like.

Lost & Found

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I see it when the world stops. I feel it when my heartbeat goes through the floor. There’s a resonance to it and an underlying pulse.

When it morphs, my breath catches, the breathing stops and the rhythm of it all falls into place.

There’s a tragicness, a solemn regret to the meaning of it. A distant path of neglect. It’s a scurrilous falsity. It comes and goes with the way the world turns. It’s tragic in its breath. It’s undeterred in the space it occupies and yet it is there. In runs the gamut of emotions. It finds its hope among the rotting and the refuse of the left behind parts. The phantom life. The perilous thing that wants to be, but can’t.

It runs across the floor and yet…we don’t see it, not yet. It rolls across. It fumbles the mechanics of it all and when it does, we don’t feel the push. We don’t understand its rhythm.

We’re lost in the heartbeat. We’ve sold our souls to find our place and within the strategems of willing it to continue.

In the last heartbeat, we’ll see the distant underlying pulse, the resonance, and when the breathing stops, we stop.

It’s coming together.

The Devil Takes You Home, Review

Featured

Posted on by
1

I wrote a review for this once, and it was terrible, the review, not the book.

I finished it a few weeks ago, and it still resides in my head. I’ve thought about it daily. When it crosses my brain stream, I think of all that it is, and it’s a fantastic book.

If you need proof, I’ve had trouble reading anything since. I believe my Goodreads has me reading four books right now.

The opening is heartbreaking, but Mario, the main character, needs to get going. It’s what the story needs. I can’t think of this story without that heartwrenching opening that pulls you and wants you to follow the main character.

He takes job after job, trying to make things work to get back to his wife. When he feels like he’s nearly there, a job lands in his lap that could fix it all.

The strange trip that follows goes dark. We see things as they are in the world he lives in. They’re not pretty things, but we are witnesses to them.

As the trip progresses, more darkness arrives in shadows, caves, and in the form of gators. We see a small glimpse of the underworld Marcio, the main character, lives in. He may not know it’s there, but he finds out about it soon enough. All the dark things come to roost, and with them, a sense of a man fighting to do right by his wife and daughter.

The ride didn’t end the way I thought or hoped it would, but if you’ve read anything else of Gabino’s, you knew what may be coming. He doesn’t hold back the darkness swirling around Mario. He lets it out. This makes the book so good and shows Gabino’s talent with the subject.

I had to write this better review. I wrote the other one a day after I finished it. I shouldn’t have done that. It was too raw. I’ve read Gabino’s Coyote Songs and started on Zero Saints.

He’s one of my favorite writers, and he’s helped me a lot with my own writing.

It’s a great book, and I hope you read it.

Sea of Illusion

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

We often find ourselves lost on a sea of illusion. We see the world around us, at least it’s composition according our little corner, and we may think that’s all there is or could be.

We remove people who’ve done damage to the people we care about most, and we’re better for losing those people.

It’s our way of fighting the delusion of self. The perfection of who believe ourself to be and on that sea we may find the waves smashing against the hull of self. We plum the depths of who we are, never sure of that belief.

There are moments upon the swells or in the squall that sometimes persist where we narrow our focus upon one thing. It’s this isolation of focus where our greatest work may come from. It’s the isolation, and maybe the desertion of self and all the pesky things we associate with it that holds us back.

Upon the sea of illusion rests an island of discovery. It’s this island where we write, paint, perform, and as with every artist of one form or another, it’s our passion place. Our isolated little hole in our mind. It’s where we go to break free from the randomness and to absorb what we’ve been through.

Finding our way out and into the island is sometimes difficult, but it’s the enjoyment of this one thing that gives us the most satisfaction.

Travel the sea of illusion. Find the island of discovery and stay within its confines. There’s magic in that sand.

Gained A Level, or a few.

Featured

Posted on by
Reply

I sat down the other day and wrote out all the projects I’ve written in the seven years since my family moved from Las Vegas to Ogden, Utah.

I have 10 projects either done, outlines, or ready to be written.

Four thrillers in the military/political/espionage realm and six in the horror genre.

I’ve been hard as hell on myself for the last few months. Writing these down feels like I’ve gained a level in my writing.

I’m a big gamer, and I have been since the ’80s. Looking at all this feels like I gained a level in one of my games. The fear of rejection and the fraud police will always be on my mind, but I have a date for my military/political thriller novel, November 1st. Here is the link.

But I want to thank everyone who commented on my posts over the last few months. I’m working through some things personally, and all of your support has been amazing.

I have a whiteboard above my desk, and I have all of the books I’ll be publishing until 2024 listed. There are seven with dates. I have one of the 10 I listed above out on submission. As soon as I get a reply on that, I’ll add it to the queue.

I write horror and military/political/espionage thrillers. I grew up watching horror and reading thrillers. Tom Clancy will always be my favorite in the genre, but Mark Greaney, Jack Carr, David Baldacci, Brad Thor, and Brad Taylor are my favorites right now.

Here‘s my list of what I’m currently reading.

I hope you have a good rest of your week.