A hectic few days.

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I’m attempting to get my body in better shape. These means I’m working out 3 days a week. I will progress to a daily workout when my body is comfortable with the workouts I’m doing.

This led me to workout on Wednesday. I have to back up a bit.

Our front lawn does every year. It’s a menace that my wife and I no longer want to put effort into fixing. We ordered rock a few weeks ago. It happened to arrive Wednesday. I did a full workout Wednesday morning and threw rock for four hours Wednesday night. I woke up sore as hell Thursday.

On the writing front, I’m continuing to work on this new/old project. It’s coming along and I’m taking my time with it. I’m easily distracted. The medication I’m on seems to do that. I went off of it and it didn’t work. I’m back on and feeling better.

I started using Notes on Substack this week. I can’t stand Twitter lately. The algorithm is all over the place and the leadership sucks. I’m trying out Notes for now.

It’s hard to get a following on these newer social media places. Especially as someone without a publisher backing them. I’m still writing and while I’ve considered quitting, I’ve worked too hard to get where I am. My writing improves every day. I won’t back away from that.

Anyway, I’ll see you my Substack if you’re a subscriber over there on Sunday. If not, I’ll see you here on Monday. Have a good weekend.

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What I’m Afraid Of.

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I’ve had this topic on my mind for the last couple of weeks. I think about it while I’m alone in my car, in the shower, and when I’m playing video games.

My parents divorced when I was in third grade. I’ve worried about this since the birth of my son. While we’ve had our ups and downs, our ups are strong right now.

I entered boot camp almost thirty years ago and when it got to it, I was scared. I was afraid of starting my life and doing all of the details of it. I got an honorable discharge for my bad eyes a few days after arriving at boot. I was thankful at the time, but also worried what my family would say. That is one thing in my life I would change. I’ve worked to overcome it but it’s always there.

The others are a relationship with my son and daughter. I don’t have one with my biological father and I don’t want that for my kids. I work hard to make amends with them for my past failings.

My other fear is that I’m wasting my time with my writing and that I should spend more time helping my wife financially. This is a bigger one since I haven’t worked an event in almost three months. If you know of a bar in Utah that’s hiring bartenders I have 24 years experience.

There is also the fear of spending too much time doing other things, gaming, reading…etc, and that is impacting my writing career. This is the one at forefront lately. I enjoy playing video games with my wife but I wonder if I spend more time doing that than I should.

The fear of falling off the wagon is big one too. I’ve worked hard for my sobriety. It’s one of my biggest accomplishments. I know it’s there waiting to take control. That’s the way it is as an alcoholic.

I’m sure other fears escape me, but these are on my mind daily. It’s one of the reasons I’m on antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication.

I come to this blog three days a week to talk about my issues. I’m sure it’s hard to read for some people but honesty has been at the forefront of my life for years. I attribute this to the reasons I no longer have a relationship with my biological father.

But enough of me. Have a good couple of days and I’ll see you back here on Friday, same bat time, same bat channel.

Coming Together…

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My goals become more clear with each day.

There’s a point of things coming together. Stories forming, dreams coalescing, and my mind revealing where we’re headed.

It’s a constant flux of frustrations, indecision, and knowing that I’m heading in the correct direction.

This week has been one of finding all of those things circling me and my mind understanding it all.

I know the path. I understand the way. It’s all coming to a point of reflection. A place of joy. A place of persistence and within it all I find my mind going in various ways. Some of these are where I want to be. The visions in my mind of where I will be. The place of everything and it’s all coming.

I see the rhythm and know where the writing is going. I see the path and keep going. I know it’s where I’m supposed to be.

Come along for the ride. We’re going places.

Keep Going

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This past weekend was an interesting one. I wrote my third or fourth article on Substack. I spent yesterday and this morning shoveling snow.

I started work on the new project. I may not have a lot of words down on it but I know where I want to go. I said in Friday’s post that I’ve never seen it so clearly when writing, and that’s true. This one has me.

I’m enjoying posting here again. I’ve worked out a few kinks and I’m working on getting an LLC created for my work. I have a ton of books on the backlog or in the trunk and I’d like to get them up to reading order.

I’ll be back here on Wednesday with another discussion, but I will probably talk about where my mental health has been. Wednesday, Odin’s Day, sounds like a good time as any.

Have a pleasant start to your week

Something new…a storms coming.

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Today started with my watch getting me up at 5:30 to get my meditation, which led to me getting my workout before I took my youngest and their friend to school. It actually started last night during my afternoon meditation.

I had a story idea and the images of it came quickly. I’ve thought about nothing else since. The visuals of the images. How my mind made connections and the thoughts of the freaky shit kept me from sleeping decent.

It’s been a while since I was able to see a story as clearly as this one. I will be taking my time with it. I have a lot of stories to submit on Submission Grinder and I’ll be doing that. The collection I planned to release this year will be cannibalized into story submissions. It’s the best use of those stories.

On another note, I haven’t had much work in the way of bartending lately. This sucks but I’ll be writing my ass off. Have a pleasant Wednesday.