What I’m Afraid Of.


I’ve had this topic on my mind for the last couple of weeks. I think about it while I’m alone in my car, in the shower, and when I’m playing video games.

My parents divorced when I was in third grade. I’ve worried about this since the birth of my son. While we’ve had our ups and downs, our ups are strong right now.

I entered boot camp almost thirty years ago and when it got to it, I was scared. I was afraid of starting my life and doing all of the details of it. I got an honorable discharge for my bad eyes a few days after arriving at boot. I was thankful at the time, but also worried what my family would say. That is one thing in my life I would change. I’ve worked to overcome it but it’s always there.

The others are a relationship with my son and daughter. I don’t have one with my biological father and I don’t want that for my kids. I work hard to make amends with them for my past failings.

My other fear is that I’m wasting my time with my writing and that I should spend more time helping my wife financially. This is a bigger one since I haven’t worked an event in almost three months. If you know of a bar in Utah that’s hiring bartenders I have 24 years experience.

There is also the fear of spending too much time doing other things, gaming, reading…etc, and that is impacting my writing career. This is the one at forefront lately. I enjoy playing video games with my wife but I wonder if I spend more time doing that than I should.

The fear of falling off the wagon is big one too. I’ve worked hard for my sobriety. It’s one of my biggest accomplishments. I know it’s there waiting to take control. That’s the way it is as an alcoholic.

I’m sure other fears escape me, but these are on my mind daily. It’s one of the reasons I’m on antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication.

I come to this blog three days a week to talk about my issues. I’m sure it’s hard to read for some people but honesty has been at the forefront of my life for years. I attribute this to the reasons I no longer have a relationship with my biological father.

But enough of me. Have a good couple of days and I’ll see you back here on Friday, same bat time, same bat channel.


Starting over


I started work on something last week. It didn’t fall apart, it’s on my computer, but I had a story idea in my head since we moved back to Utah.

The damn thing plagued me like no other. I’ve sat down to write it numerous times with no results.

Last night while I attempted to sleep, the solution came. I didn’t write it down but it stayed with me through the night.

I’m working on that story. Sometimes things click and this one definitely has. I’ll go back to the other story after this one is done.

I have a lot to get done in the next few months. I have two novellas to edit and another collection as well. I’m working on things for Horror-Zero Books and I’ll announce that when I’m able.

I hope you’ll stick around as returning to this blog has been wonderful.

Have a good start to your week and I’ll see you here Wednesday.

My head is back in it


This week has been interesting, to say the least. I dove into a story I’d shelved years ago. I wrote the whole book, edited it, and haven’t touched it since. There are many reasons for this but the biggest is, it was the first book I wrote. I spent months on it.

I’m heading back into that world and while I won’t talk about it here, I will say that it’s a lot of fun to revisit these characters.

On other fronts, I will be publishing two novellas this summer under my Horror-Zero Books label. I may publish a collection. It depends on when I get the edits back.

But I wrote 3k in the last few days. That’s progress.

In it


Today started with me not getting my workout. I was tired from yesterday and while I’m not sure why, I wrote this morning and finished a first draft of a story yesterday.

What I wrote today is something I wrote a while ago. It’s been years since I sat down a wrote a story like it and I enjoyed it quite a bit.

We’ve had more snow this week and I’m sick of looking at and shoveling the stuff. I know we’re in a drought but god I’m tired of snow.

I’ll be spending the rest of the day with my youngest while my oldest stream Overwatch 2 on Twitch. They’re very good at the game and are starting to get a following on the platform. I’m glad as they’ve had trouble finding work since graduating last June. I hope this gives them a job. I know it’s what they want.

My youngest is on spring break and I’m taking them to our local mall to look at clothes and doing a few other things.

I’ve enjoyed coming back to this blog quite a bit. Monday’s power outage last a little over 90 minutes but it through my day off and I only wrote a little later in the day.

My wife and I are playing Alliance characters in Warcraft again. I know she prefers the way the look to Horde and I’m good with either faction.

I have a few writing plans for this summer and I’ll talk about them Friday or Monday, and possibly on my Substack as well.

Have a good Wednesday. I’ll see you all Friday.