Tag Archives: self-improvement

Renewed focus

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I’m sitting in my favorite reading chair, staring at bits from Twitter, and waiting for my mind to adjust from the pills I can’t take anymore.

It’s not the writing. It’s the constant nightmares. Every night, more than a couple of times I’ll wake up breathless. I don’t remember them or I’d write them down. I only know I’m scared. I’m tired of being scared.

I pulled my collection from Amazon yesterday. I’m working on getting Disunion off of Ingramspark, and I’m reevaluating where to go from here.

Today, as I read, log into World of Warcraft, and figure out the next steps I’ll keep you updated here as well as on my Substack.

Know that I’ll continue to write though I may go absent for a while on social media but this is where you can find me.

Have a pleasant, whatever…B

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Changing a few things…

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I’ve debated over the last few weeks about my novel, Disunion By Force. I enjoyed writing it, editing it, and working on the cover, but I think it’s ran its course.

I hoped it would do well but I hasn’t. I’ll be pulling it from publication soon. I have copies of it so I can sell those. When they’re gone it will exist only for me and those who’ve read it.

I could have done things differently with the book. I should have left the original ending, shouldn’t have changed other things, but it’s done. I’m a better writer for growing through it.

Here’s where the change begins. I’ll be focusing solely on horror in writing and submitting. I learned that unless the people you talk to regularly read what you’re writing it will fail. Most of the people I talk to regularly are in the horror genre.

As Disunion goes away I’ll be pulling my collection from Amazon as well. That’s for other reasons and it’s something I meant to do a while ago.

I’m having trouble writing but I’m working my way through those issues.

I hope you all have a pleasant week, Brian

Removing the Negatives

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I’ve had a rough time the last week or so. I don’t know why that is, but everything feels like it’s falling down around me and I’m the only one paying attention.

I know this is my depression issues setting in. Then there’s a bunch of family drama that I have zero time for. People that won’t get vaccinated, that kind of shit. My daughter can’t get vaccinated so I’m wary of anyone who refuses the vaccine. They’re also the ones who don’t wear masks.

But I digress.

My depression issues are something I’ve explored on here more times that I can count. With its reemergence comes the time to evaluate where I’m putting my energy.

I think about these people I care about too much sometimes. When they act a certain way, I try and discount it because I know they’re intelligent, but yeah, no time for that shit.

I’ve cut people out when they’ve shown who they are before, and I have no problem with cutting out others.

These are the negatives I’ve dealt with over the last week, as well as the fraud police showing up every time I open my laptop.

I finished a short story yesterday, and another last week, but they’ve been in my head constantly.

I have a novella that I need to finish editing this week and its been difficult to manage all of this.

There are times I’ve thought of quitting, considered stopping writing because I’d like to help out my wife and kids more money wise, and I’m really not enjoying bartending lately. No one is wearing a mask, no one appears to care about those of us on the front lines.

Hell, I bartended last summer during the darkest moments of the pandemic because I had to.

This mental health break I’m taking from events has been nice, but I’m so tired of worrying whether I’ll bring something home to my daughter. The stress of that will lower when she can get the vaccine next month, but damn I’m tired of people not caring.

I’ll be limiting the negatives for the foreseeable future. No bullshit texts, removing those I’m following who don’t offer me anything, something I should’ve done a while ago.

Removing the negatives starts with identifying where you’re stress lies. I know it’s from family bullshit, so I’ll be limiting that.

I know it’s from the fraud police, I don’t know how to fix that, other than to work on myself and my goals, so that’s what I’ll do.

Have a good week.

Life and Writing Reorganized.

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This week starts our second week of teaching our kids at home.

Last week was one hell of struggle.

My wife has worked from home for over ten years and I know how lucky we are that she’s able to do so.

But, damn, this last week and trying to find a schedule that works for the kids and school, my wife and her job as well as navigating being cooped up, has been difficult as hell.

I know that last sentence is everyone right now!

But we’ve figure out one that works for all of us.

My writing time has been moved so I’m able to help with teaching the things I’m good at, namely, history, English, and writing.

So I used to write in the morning after I’d taken them to school. Now it’s after they’ve completed their schooling for the day.

Today I did 4 writing sprints of 25 minutes each, with a five minute break in between each sprint. I’ve done these sprints this way for the last couple of years and it’s what works for me.

This new reality is hard but we have to get through it.

Find your bright spots. I’m able to help my kids with their writing and history stuff. I love history, it’s always been my favorite subject.

Now I can focus on helping them enjoy it as well.

I hope you’re all well and taking this thing seriously.

Taking me time.

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I haven’t taken a solo trip in a while and the last time was a working trip.

I’m heading to Vegas to help my parents with a move.

I haven’t been there by myself in over 20 years.

I plan on taking some time to read, write, take myself out to dinner, and of course help my parents.

It will be a new experience to be in Vegas sober and I’ve already picked where I plan to eat based on that.

I would like a longer solo trip somewhere but I’m bartending on Monday.

I’ll be taking stock of things in my room as I’ll only have myself to deal with.

It should be a good trip. I love being able to spend time with my parents. I’ll also be spending time with my sister and her son. I’m looking forward to that as well.

Have a good weekend.