self-improvement

I’ve been circling the pit lately.

I hear the voices from within its muddy walls and the world stops.

I get those panicked breaths and I wonder what’s brought it on.

Staring down from my cliff, waiting for the tendrils to pull me in I wait on the rim.

I wait for something worse to happen, I wait for a lost job, a tragedy to befall my loved ones where the tendrils pull me back.

I feel the pillow over my face suffocating that smothers the life I want and takes away the life I have.

I stand at the rim looking in, hoping for something to bring me back.

But as the tendrils reach I put words on the page, for that’s my only solace.

The words count at the end of the day and the fight back the monsters.

The words push me away from the rim, away from the tendrils as their claws rip at the muddy precipice of the pit.

pablo (21)

A matter of course.

The matter, of course, is the way in which our lives move through the world and the way we see things in the world.

Each course is the culmination in the way the way see the world and the truth of who we are.

The course we pass through is indifferent, and the reality of how we move through the world is indicavit of our choices as we move.

Our movement, though possibly slow is the only way we know how to get into the lives we’ve worked hard enough to enjoy.

Our enjoyment of these lives is the truth, not the reality.

The reality isn’t the way we want it to be, but in the course of our life, it creates, thrives and moves about the world how we couldn’t dream, much less allow ourselves to be.

We allow ourselves to be comfortable in the false reality and neglect the course. We fit ourselves into the world we don’t understand and enable the course to move us instead of the other way around.

Within the course of our lives, we’re the master, but we oftentimes neglect things because we’re unable to separate who we are from who need to be, the course is set and we must follow.

pablo (17)

I bartend weddings, graduations, and corporate events to pay for my writing habit.

You learn a lot from people who are starting out, ending or are somewhere in between. The constant at all of these is time.

At all of these events, regardless of the event’s purpose, time is brought up in some form. Whether it’s the time they’ve been with their company, the time they’ll be spending with their new spouse or the end of their journey in the corporate world.

We think of time only when it passes us by or when it’s coming towards in our looks to the future.

We rarely look at time as something to savor or something that we need to harness.

Taking the time to structure our lives in the best possible way to harness the time we have left, because honestly, we never know when we’re out of time.

There is a constant with all of these moments I’ve worked, not just time. Thankfulness.

Thankful to be honored, thankful for family who’s supported them and the rare, thankful for being able to keep going through the hard times.

I make decent money with the events, but it’s the stories people tell about their lives that make the events worth it.

I have coworkers who talk to each other during the speeches while I’m listening intently to them. I cherish the speeches because the time you spend listening is your time, not theirs. You’re using your time to focus on someone else instead of wasting it with idle chatter.

 

pablo (17)

My anniversary for my first transcendental meditation session has come and gone and I realized, I haven’t done an update.

Here’s what’s happened in the past two years.

  • My wife started doing TM and it’s greatly improved her bipolar disorder.
  • I quit my job in Las Vegas to pursue my writing. This is something I’d never have had the courage to do otherwise.
  • I write full-time and though there have been challenges along the way, I’d never change anything I’ve done in the last two years.
  • I’ve had numerous people reach out to me on Facebook who had read my articles about TM from TM.org. This one thing has meant more to me than anything else.

I still have depression issues, but they are less than they’ve ever been.

One thing I’ve started doing in my daily routine is exercise. The combination of settling my mind and exercising my body has made a complete difference in my life.

I’m more focused in my life than I’ve ever been, I’m not saying things have been perfect, life isn’t perfect for anyone, I know that I’m a better human for doing my TM twice a day for 20 minutes each.

If you’d like more information about TM, follow the link in the article. If you’d like more information about me, connect with my on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Anchor.

 


We get to the other side of who we need to be slowly and often without merit.

Those around us will ignore what we’re doing or they may stare and wonder why.

To those who’ve reached the other side, I say take your life in the hands you’re given, run through the forest of your life and cherish the flame you’re bringing to others.

What we forget about the other side of your life is that it’s often reached through tumultuous beginnings and we’re unsure of the pain we’ve caused until we sit down with someone we’ve caused pain to.

It’s in this event that our lives have reached that other side.

We’ve gone through the fire, crossed over and begun to understand who we are, and sometimes we were.

 

We understand that the flame is often born from strife and we have to carry it to others so that they may know the flame as well.

Carrying the flame to others, no matter what your difficulty should be your life goal.

If you’re a writer, write about the pain that brought you to writing. Painters, stain your canvas with your pain.

These little things are vastly different from the rest of the world and what it does.

Our creativity brings us to the other side of who we need to be and without it, we’re the same as everyone else.

Life runs through the woods, often being chased by wolves. We stand still, waiting for life to pass through the woods, outrun the wolves and tear into a clearing of pure light.

Life reminds us often that no matter what we change, there will always be those who don’t like change. These people are comfortable with who we are, they know how we’ll react in certain instances and when we do change they try to talk us out of change.

“You’re not really leaving.”

“You don’t need to quit—enter substance—it helps.”

They do these things out of comfort. It’s not truly anything against the person you’ve become.

It’s the instance of who you are now and the fact they were comfortable with the person you were. They knew that person, or thought they did.

When I began TM 10 months ago, it wasn’t the people who accepted me for the changes that surprised me, it was the people who’d make comments about, “something wrong with you” or “what are you taking?”

Each small fraction of these comments started to make me think about who these people are and how I should deal with the fact they weren’t liking the person I’d become.

There are always going to be people who don’t like who you are, that’s a fact of life. But, the people who noticed you when you were the other person, really noticed you, those are the ones who will be supportive of any changes you go through. Those people don’t care as long as you’re happy in your own skin.

There is truly nothing you can do about the other people. They liked the other person because of what you brought to the table. All the things that create a relationship.

What those people didn’t understand about you then, is that you didn’t like who you were and they never saw that part of you.

The people you let in, the ones you talk to daily, the people you’d do anything for, those are the people who love you regardless, the other people want you to be the same.

Change scares people. It makes them uncomfortable and when we find discomfort in things, we begin to hate them.

Change in yourself is what’s important, that change that makes you wake up, get out of bed, meditate, exercise and become who you want to be. That change is the important part of who you are and who you’ll become after those other people are still in their same lives, doing the same things.

Those who crave change, who need to become something else, we are the ones who do things that make life better for others.

I never understood that last part until I started receiving messages about how my posts about TM have helped people and how what I wrote led people to learn the Transcendental Meditation Technique.

If I can help one person with every post about TM and what led me to practice it, I believe I’m helping the world be a better place.

Remember, no one can cause you pain without your permission. Never give them the permission. It’s your life, run it!

Brian

We talk about life-changing moments, but until they happen we’re not truly sure until after the fact.

This past year I said goodbye to my wonderful dog Abbey, held my wife the morning her father died and discovered who I am.

Abbey was with me through my migraine sessions, always laying next to me until they subsided. My father-in-law was one of the most creative, imaginative and caring men I’ve ever met.

Both of these changed who I am, but it was the 20 minutes I took twice a day which healed my soul and saved me from suicide and depression.

My life up until this year felt as though it were a series of mishaps leading me toward the end of my life. By the end of 2013 I felt I’d lived my last full year and would not live through another year.

When I walked in to the TM center in Las Vegas, I discovered that there were others who had dealt with depression, addiction, and stress in the same ways I had.

They’d taken the pills the doctor prescribed, they’d had their share of being “on the wagon.” None of them felt better until they’d tried TM.

Now, I’m the one touting its effectiveness and leading others to learn the technique.

In the next few weeks my wife will be learning the technique. She’s had her father pass away, dealt with depression and bi-polar disorder. But I know TM will work for her. In the next year there will be a few changes on the blog to reflect my involvement with TM and I hope you’ll talk to a teacher or read David Lynch’s book.

2014 and Transcendental Meditation changed my soul. It made me want to live for myself. It made me want to be a better father, husband, son and human. I care more about the lives around me, though they may not know I’m there, I want them to be at peace with who they are, where they’ve been and the life they have.

TM put my soul to rest about my childhood, my parents divorce and the problems I’d had with my father. I love him, and always will, but I know that we’re different people than we were before and there’s a separation between us that will never be healed. I hope he has a good life, enjoys himself and finds TM and begins to learn.

We’re all going through life learning about who we are, but I feel TM makes us understand who we are and embrace that person and not care about the rest.

Happy New Year and I hope you have peaceful 2015.

Brian