change

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There are days when life strikes, and writing becomes secondary.

When these moments happen, I close my eyes and take care of it.

A few years ago, I wasn’t as bold. When confronted by adversity, I would hide away.

I wouldn’t discuss what was going on with me. I didn’t want the world to know I couldn’t handle life.

As a male, this is what we’re taught.

I was never told not to cry by my parents, but when something went wrong, I would have to “grow up.”

The majority of this came from my father.

He’d use words he thought were motivating when in fact they were emasculating. As a teenager, I had poor self-esteem because of the things he said.

I didn’t understand that a father behaving that way wasn’t normal. Until I had my own son and realized the harm words like, skinny, wimp, and many others were.

A few years ago, I was stuck. I hated who I was. I hated how I treated my wife, kids, and myself.

I woke up one day and realized the horrible person I was to my wife and decided to change.

I knew it would be difficult, but I had to do it.

I couldn’t turn into my father.

I didn’t want my kids to look at me the way I looked at my father.

I grew up in fear of him.

Now, nearly twenty years after we went our separate ways. I’m a better man and a better husband and father for not having him in our lives.

At the beginning of my choice to change, I had to think through every interaction with people.

I had to consciously acknowledge my failings.

Becoming aware of who you are, how you’ve reacted to situations and people, makes you hate yourself.

It also is an eye-opening experience that shatters all the notions of self.

You realize you’re not a wonderful person. You think about all the times you screwed up and blamed others.

The offender stares at you every morning when you look in the mirror. Even today, I see him.

I know that person is still there. It will always be there and I’ll always fight it.

Change is difficult.

Understanding who you are and what needs to change makes all the difference.

The sudden realization that you’re not the good person you show the rest of the world changes you.

Today, I’m a better person than I was a few years ago because I decided to change who I am.

Its been a difficult road, but every day I look in the mirror I feel more confident in who I’ve become.

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We morph, that’s all we do.

We change from one person to another throughout our lives until we discover the person we were supposed to be.

For some of us, it’s a religious experience that causes the change, for others, it’s a business experience.

While all of these are possible, the one thing that follows all of these is adversity.

In our lives we reach a certain point where we need change, we either revert who we once were because of the modification or we have an awakening that brings who we should have been in the first place, forward.

This is the advancement of self. It is the advancement of who we used to be that clarifies who we are and distills in us the person we knew we had to be instead of the person someone wants us to be.

Becoming the person you want to be instead of the person others want is hard, but it’s worth the effort.

 


You discover yourself when you’re left to your own devices.

You learn about who you are, what you desire and what works best for you.

The devices you’re left to, well that’s a different kind of animal.

When the world around you changes and you’re stuck doing things you’ve always dreamed of, a few things happen.

You’ll slap yourself often. This is to check if you’re sleeping, but beware, when you do this, people will think you’re odd for slapping yourself in public.

You’ll understand that you’re better at something than you first thought. This understanding allows you to be more creative, and willing to adventure to places you didn’t believe you could go.

When you discover these places, you won’t believe they were there prior to your discovery. You’ll believe them false and it’s because of this belief you’ll learn that your life wasn’t what you believed it to be.

Belief in yourself should be the motivation for anything you do. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will either.

The belief you have in yourself is the most valuable commodity you possess, use it only with those who share your vision.

If you share it with everyone, it diminishes the commodity.

Trust in yourself and understand that discovery, desire and belief are the greatest assets you have.

When you know these things, then you’ll be headed in the correct direction.

Peace,

Bri


In our lives we discover there are always doubters.

These people believe that because they didn’t, or couldn’t do it, it’s not possible.

The reason they say these things are they tried and gave up on what they wanted.

They saw it ahead of them, but just before they got there it became too hard. They gave up because their will to be someone better wasn’t stronger than being satisfied with the life they had.

Along your journey through life, you’ll meet a lot of these doubters, and they’ll have good stories, but they always end in, “I couldn’t do it anymore”, and that statement is what makes us different from those who, “couldn’t do it anymore.”

They thought because they were near the end, or what they perceived to be the end, it would get easier.

Has life ever gotten easier when you were trying to do something difficult?

Have you ever sat and thought, “Climbing this mountain is going to be easier than the training?” Why do you think that is?

The training prepared you for getting to that mountain, tasting that cold air, feeling that snow on your face and the rocks under your feet. It never did the work for you, it was only practice.

That’s what every moment of your life has been up to the point where you believe you can do great things, practice.

Sure, you’ll deal with difficulties again, but they’ll be easier than the ones when you started.

If you ever think what you’re doing is easy, you’re doing the wrong things and not trying hard enough.

Living the life you want will be difficult, but it will be worth the moments of staying up late, of staying at the gym late, of trying to improve your life.

Each and every moment of your life until you reach your goal is practice, but once you get there, you’ll need to work harder to stay where you’re at, not because it gets easier, but because once you get there, you’ll never want to leave that life again.

When I worked in Las Vegas, I wore two name tags, one of them said my given name of Brian, the other said Lestat. The reason, well, I love Anne Rice and Lestat has always been my favorite.

People at work could tell what kind of mood I was in, just by the name tag.

A new company bought us and I wasn’t allowed to wear the Lestat name tag.

This is was somewhat heartbreaking, and I still have issues with things like Lestat. But being someone else is something we’ve always wanted to be. We want to have more money, the perfect spouse, kids and the whole thing.

When I wore that name tag, I felt different. Not that I didn’t know who was driving the ship, I was always available and at the helm.

I just felt different.

Neil Gaiman says you should think about the type of person who would write the kind of stories you want to write, and write like that person, well, okay Mr. Gaiman. I’ll take up that challenge.

Let’s see what happens when I let Lestat, or others run the asylum.

I’ll show you, and keep you updated on our progress.

We see the darkness, it dances across our eyes. It pleads with our souls and steals our desire.

Within our lives we’re stuck living the life we don’t have, but the thing about being stuck, there’s always a way to get out of it. It takes force, it takes effort, but we have to get through our life, because why should we live life we don’t want?

There are zero reasons to stay in in a job you don’t like. There are zero reasons to live a life that you’re not enjoying.

But, there are things you must do, and a path you must follow.

The first step is clearing all the bad stuff from your life. This could be friends, family and the best way to get rid of these people is to ignore them.

In the social media world, you’re probably connected to people who you don’t talk to on a daily basis. You possibly see their posts on Facebook, Tweets, Snaps, Instagrams, but you keep seeing what their saying.

Their negativity is infecting your soul, filling it with rage, hate, anger and strife.

The faster you rid your life of them, the better you’ll life will be.

It won’t be easy, these are people you care about, but they are infecting your dreams. They’re stopping you from becoming great.

They’re limiting you to be the person you’ve been, when you see someone else you’d want to be.

You know the person, you see them your reflection, your future reflection.

Change your life and live that reflection.

When I decided to leave my job after 15 years, there were those who said, “You’ll be back” or “You won’t make it”.

These people were usually the same ones who lived in fear of something daily.

I didn’t listen to them, obviously.

I Listened to the other people. The ones who applauded me, those who cheered for one of their own doing something they all wish they could do, but for their own reasons (family, job and things out of their control) couldn’t do.

Each time someone made a comment about me leaving, I’d notice their tone, and what they said. I also took what I knew about their lives and considered where their words were coming from.

For the majority of them, they were sincere about wanting my happiness, but there’s always the haters. Those who could leave their life and prosper, but out of fear, they’re unable.

Each of these people had things they wanted out of life, but were unable to do.

And for each I wanted them to have a better life. One filled with the things they wanted, the future they deserved and their family deserved.

I also thought, what made me so special?

What made me it possible for me to get out?

You could say it was timing, and you’d be partially right, But still, why am I able to live the life I want, and the one I want for my family?

I didn’t fear the repercussions of my actions.

I didn’t think past the next step in my life.

I knew what I wanted and I went after it.

I reached a point when I faced the fear of uncertainty. I chose to ignore it and do what my heart wanted.

I still get those who applaud me for following my heart, and as for the others, their curiously silent.