So, I’ve been going through a few things in my head about why I write, what influenced me to write the first time when I was 13, and It all comes from being bullied in school. Writing was my escape. I could do things in writing to get away and I didn’t have to worry about the bullies until the next day.
How I got through it.
When I think about the skinny little kid I was then, I weighed 75 lbs in seventh, eighth and most of ninth grade, I was barely five foot and I was an easy target to bullies.
But, what stands out for me about that stage is how much I wrote and read. I read a lot of books, books on things that I’d never thought of, books I can’t even remember now.
I think about that skinny kid and all he went through and all the times I put a blade to my skin, hoping it would take the pain away, but I never went through with cutting my wrists. There were times I was scratch myself pretty bad, but I didn’t think anything about it. I was a kid.
That time growing up was the hardest for me. I lived with my dad in a two bedroom apartment, I did all the cleaning, or at least the majority. Every time he came home, I wouldn’t do something right and he’d say something about my weight or comment about how I didn’t really have any friends, things like that.
But, the final thing that sent me away from his house was a comment about how I was so skinny and didn’t have a girlfriend or any friends, just really hateful things.
But, now my dad and I don’t talk to each other, and after a hateful letter he sent me a few years ago, things in it said, “You’ll never be a writer, because no one cares about you or what you write.”
Those words made me contemplate suicide, and this was after my two kids were born.
My son’s bully adventure.
Last year my son dealt with a bully in school and it brought a lot of memories back to me. Times I was beaten up, times I was ridiculed by kids and teachers did nothing. His wasn’t as bad as mine, but it still brought back bad memories.
I have this blog on the internet called The Bleeding Inkwell and I’ve been using it to talk about writing and “stuff”. When I should have been talking about how I got through bullying in middle school.
Welcome to my Masquerade! I’m a bully survivor Masquerading as a Writer.