May 22

Writing through the Darkest Nights

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Photo Credit: Fos­forix via Cre­ative Commons

“Even the dark­est night will end and the sun will rise.” Vic­tor Hugo.

When I sat in my room as a teenager, note­book in my lap, its metal ring rub­bing against my hands I’d find myself think­ing of other kids, kids who were in the same sit­u­a­tion I was. Kids whose par­ents treated them hor­ri­bly, or were bul­lied in school.

I would cry for those kids before I went to bed, as I lis­tened to my dad in the next room, the sound of his snores kept me awake sometimes.

Now that I’m try­ing to work through my child­hood and the bul­ly­ing I dealt with on mul­ti­ple fronts and I still think about the kids who deal with those things and I cry about it. At night I med­i­tate on a few things before going to bed, to ease the suf­fer­ing of my dad and to ease the suf­fer­ing of all the kids who suf­fer from bul­ly­ing and abuse by their parents.

Ver­bal vs. Physical

The thing about abuse is phys­i­cal abuse may hurt, but some­times its the ver­bal abuse that lasts longer and effects your life more in the long run because you think about what they said and how it made you feel at that moment.

I can think about the way I felt when I was beaten up by bul­lies, but I remem­ber the words they used when they struck me more than the pain I felt from the blows.

Night vs. Day

Before I went to bed, before I shut out the light I’d look at the cars pass­ing by on the free­way and think about where they were going and know they had no idea what was hap­pen­ing to me, and they didn’t care.

Each day I’d wake up, watch the sun rise because at that moment I hadn’t been yelled at hit or teased, it was my moment of per­fec­tion, my absolute best moment of the day.

FInd­ing others

Just like those cars pass­ing me on the free­way; most peo­ple don’t know or care about what goes on in their neighbor’s house, the recent events in Ohio prove that. Out of sight, out of mind. But we can’t live that way, kids shouldn’t have to live like that.

If you know some­one who’s being abused or bul­lied tell some­one, or leave a com­ments here. Wel­come to My Mas­quer­ade and please share and sub­scribe if you enjoy the posts on The Bleed­ing Inkwell.

dp seal trans 16x16 Writing through the Darkest NightsCopy­right secured by Digiprove © 2013 Brian Baker
Acknowledgements: Photo Credit: Fos­forix via Cre­ative Commons

May 20

Writing Through The Mask

6187854156 e3af115a06 300x199 Writing Through The Mask

Photo Credit: Leland Fran­cisco via Cre­ative Commons

When I was grow­ing up I had a father who con­trolled what I did, what I wore and where we went on vacation.

When I started get­ting bul­lied in school it felt like my dad was at school with me, weird I know, but that’s the way it felt.

In Hid­ing

Through­out my life I’ve found ways to get through the days when I had to do things I didn’t want to do, when I had to hide things from peo­ple that I didn’t want them to know.

These things weren’t out in the open, but I knew them in my head. I wore a mask, and still do.

When I was younger I wore the mask because we weren’t sup­posed to talk about things. We had to keep our mouths shut about what hap­pened in our house, at least that’s what it felt like to me.

If we let things out to those around us, i.e. lies, half-truths and things that were bet­ter hid­den than in the open we’d be pun­ished, grounded, put in the cor­ner and be ridiculed by our dad.

First sto­ries

When I was younger I remem­ber writ­ing sto­ries about these lies and half-truths. There was one about a gov­ern­ment project to develop about boat that couldn’t be seen by radar and another about a house that only a man with schiz­o­phre­nia could see and no one believed him, though he knew it was there.

These sto­ries are what started me writ­ing. It’s always lit­tle sto­ries like this which related to true life event that made their way onto the page.

My own way

The sub­ject of school only came up in our house when it con­cerned grades, not how is school–that was evi­dent in my grades–or who are your friends. Things like this are what par­ents are doing wrong. You should care more about the envi­ron­ment your child is around and less about their grades.

Good grades are awe­some, but is your child feel­ing good about them­selves, are they quiet when the topic of school comes up. IF they do, they’re most likely being bullied.

My way through all of this was to write. I found my true self, my life, my com­plete per­son in writ­ing prose and poetry. My worst days were my most cre­ative and I found myself tor­tur­ing my bully in my prose. Some­times my dad found his way into the tor­ture cham­ber. But I always kept my mask on around every­one else.

It was my way to deal with my life, we accept life as it is and don’t ask questions.

We know the guy down the hall beats his kid, but we only want to see his mask.

Are you a bul­lied kid or the par­ent of one? Leave a com­ment below and Wel­come to My Masquerade.

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May 17

How Writing was my Savior from Bullies

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Photo Credit: JLM Pho­tog­ra­phy via Cre­ative Commons

So, I’ve been going through a few things in my head about why I write, what influ­enced me to write the first time when I was 13, and It all comes from being bul­lied in school. Writ­ing was my escape. I could do things in writ­ing to get away and I didn’t have to worry about the bul­lies until the next day.

 How I got through it.

When I think about the skinny lit­tle kid I was then, I weighed 75 lbs in sev­enth, eighth and most of ninth grade, I was barely five foot and I was an easy tar­get to bullies.

But, what stands out for me about that stage is how much I wrote and read. I read a lot of books, books on things that I’d never thought of, books I can’t even remem­ber now.

I think about that skinny kid and all he went through and all the times I put a blade to my skin, hop­ing it would take the pain away, but I never went through with cut­ting my wrists. There were times I was scratch myself pretty bad, but I didn’t think any­thing about it. I was a kid.

That time grow­ing up was the hard­est for me. I lived with my dad in a two bed­room apart­ment, I did all the clean­ing, or at least the major­ity. Every time he came home, I wouldn’t do some­thing right and he’d say some­thing about my weight or com­ment about how I didn’t really have any friends, things like that.

Cat­a­lyst

But, the final thing that sent me away from his house was a com­ment about how I was so skinny and didn’t have a girl­friend or any friends, just really hate­ful things.

But, now my dad and I don’t talk to each other, and after a hate­ful let­ter he sent me a few years ago, things in it said, “You’ll never be a writer, because no one cares about you or what you write.”

Those words made me con­tem­plate sui­cide, and this was after my two kids were born.

My son’s bully adventure.

Last year my son dealt with a bully in school and it brought a lot of mem­o­ries back to me. Times I was beaten up, times I was ridiculed by kids and teach­ers did noth­ing. His wasn’t as bad as mine, but it still brought back bad memories.

I have this blog on the inter­net called The Bleed­ing Inkwell and I’ve been using it to talk about writ­ing and “stuff”. When I should have been talk­ing about how I got through bul­ly­ing in mid­dle school.

Wel­come to my Mas­quer­ade! I’m a bully sur­vivor Mas­querad­ing as a Writer.

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May 15

Writing with a Day Job

5686646495 d1c8721006 300x239 Writing with a Day Job

Photo Credit: Gre­gory Wake via Cre­ative Commons

Wak­ing up each morn­ing I know I’m a writer, but I also know writ­ing doesn’t pay the bills; at least not yet.

Wednes­day through Sun­day I wake up, get ready and head to my day job, I also drop my daugh­ter off at daycare.

While I’m at work I take notes on ideas, check Face­book and Twit­ter dur­ing the first half hour of my lunch and after that first half-hour I’m in the quiet room we have at my job.

That half-hour or so of writ­ing in the mid­dle of the day is my break from deal­ing with angry guests and gets me through my day. WIth­out that half-hour of writ­ing I think I’d go crazy.

With each day we strive to be bet­ter writ­ers, but if we have a day job it’s harder to get to your writing.

Writ­ing like any­thing cre­ative takes to time to get good at, but as long as you’re writ­ing on a daily basis it doesn’t mat­ter. Writ­ing is writ­ing, from blogs to sto­ries, if you’re writ­ing, you’re get­ting better.

As writ­ers we cling to things that make us feel like writ­ers. These are the things I cling to while I’m at my day job.

  • Pens: I have a lot of them, some are expen­sive, most are not.
  • Jour­nals: i have these scat­tered through­out the house and there’s always one in my back pocket at work.
  • Caf­feinated Bev­er­ages: These can be tea, cof­fee or soda. I try to stay clear of soda though.
  • Sup­port Staff: This is my wife and kids, who with­out their sup­port I wouldn’t be able to write. And it’s because of them I still have my day job.

Day jobs are not always fun, some are down­right tedious and bor­ing as hell, but we keep them until we’re able to write full time, which is any writer’s goal.

Keep­ing your head above water and being able to pay the bills is a neces­sity, you don’t want to be out on the street and you don’t want your wife and kids out there either.

Keep your day job until you’re ready, but don’t jump too early or you’ll get squashed.

I’m a Bar­tender in Las Vegas, what do you do as a day job? Answer in the comments.

 

dp seal trans 16x16 Writing with a Day JobCopy­right secured by Digiprove © 2013 Brian Baker
Acknowledgements: Photo Credit to Gre­gory Wake via Crea more…

May 13

Must Have Rules for Writers and Everyone Else

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Photo Credit: See-ming Lee via Cre­ative Commons

 

Yes­ter­day was Mother’s Day in The States and when I think about my mom I think about how much she’s guided me in my life and my writ­ing. She’s always stood by me and some­times those peo­ple are hard to find in your life.

There are things you can do to gar­ner sup­port from peo­ple in your writ­ing and your life. These things are sim­ple and you should do them on a daily basis.

1. Be hon­est about your motives. Never be a fake person.

Hon­esty is always one of the best things you can do in life. Your hon­esty is the one thing you have that peo­ple will truly respect you for. If you’re not hon­est with your­self, your read­ers or your friends and fam­ily, there’s no one left.

2. Be clear about why you write.

Clar­ity is impor­tant in life and writ­ing because it makes your thoughts come across in a bet­ter way than spew­ing it out.

3. Never take your read­ers for granted.

This means don’t say you’re going to do some­thing and not do it. Being grate­ful shows your humil­ity and that you’re human and not some robot that just spews writ­ing and wants to add more fol­low­ers or friends on social media for the sake of hav­ing them.

4. Keep a sched­ule. This will help you with the other three.

Sched­ules keep your life free of clut­ter. If you can keep a sched­ule you can accom­plish any­thing. Your sched­ule and keep­ing it, whether with appoint­ments or with your writ­ing will gain people’s trust and they’ll like you with­out hav­ing to lie to them, which is super-important.

5. Give peo­ple and your read­ers a glimpse into your life.

Let­ting peo­ple in can be tough to do, espe­cially if you’re a writer. Writ­ers want to write and noth­ing else. But, let­ting peo­ple get close to you so they know who you are will give them some­thing every reader or friend wants, companionship.

 6. Give a lit­tle trust.

This can be about who you are or what your cur­rent WiP is, but trust is some­thing you have to give peo­ple in order for them to want to read you or want them to be friends with you.

Trust is your great­est part­ner in any endeavor. It will let your read­ers, friends and fam­ily know that you appre­ci­ate them and show them you care about them. Trust­ing peo­ple is tough, espe­cially if it’s with a cur­rent WiP or other artis­tic piece. But, if they trust you, they will fol­low you.

#

Are you doing any of these six in your daily life? Answer in the com­ments and share if you enjoyed the post, there’s also a box to sub­scribe if you wish to get updates on new posts.

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May 10

In the White Room

3312435943 6d82e532d3 300x225 In the White Room

Photo Credit: Jef­frey Row­land via Cre­ative Commons

Here are Part 1 and Part 2 of this con­tin­u­ing story.

*

I woke in a white room, sur­rounded by four walls and door cov­ered in red paint, which was incon­spic­u­ously absent of a doorknob.

The floor was rough and I’d never felt alone like this, not even when I was thrown in soli­tary for a few weeks, at least in soli­tary I could hear scratch­ing of mice and other things from out­side my cell.

There was an odd smell in air, which I thought might have been from some type of gas they prob­a­bly used to knock me out.

I have no rec­ol­lec­tion of what hap­pened after that hand grabbed me in the freezer, but I’ll never for­get the visions of those peo­ple hang­ing from hooks.

My pack and the rest of my gear lay next to me on the floor and I thought that I may be in wrong place, at least until the door slid to the left and the face of the man who put me in prison stood, light illu­mi­nat­ing him as if he were a prophet or mes­siah, I knew that was bullshit.

Cap­tain.” He said, my face told him I was not impressed by his presence.

Hello gen­eral.” I responded.

Lean­ing against the wall I saw he’d added another star since I’d seen his ugly face.

Yeah, I added another star, but you…you, you look like shit.” He said.

Well, some­things never change. You’re still an ass­hole and I’m stuck under your thumb. Tell me what the fuck is going on and what is this place?” I said.

He shuf­fled his feet as if he were try­ing to come up with the right words.

It’s hard to explain. A lot of things have hap­pened in the world since you were gone. Your cousin should have told you this when he picked you up.” He said.

He didn’t tell me any­thing and that place you sent me to didn’t have cable. I was in iso­la­tion and wasn’t allowed to watch the news, just repeats of nature and Dis­cov­ery Chan­nel doc­u­men­taries.” i replied.

The world changed while you were inside. The gov­ern­ment needed to do things to keep the pop­u­la­tion alive, this town has now become one of those things.” He said.

So, what you’re say­ing is this town was expend­able and they died because the gov­ern­ment said so?” I asked.

The town was given what it needed, but every­one liv­ing here knew their lives were meant to keep the pop­u­la­tion alive. When they were of no use, they were killed and used. This was farm Cap­tain, that’s all.” He said.

I felt my skin crawl of my bones and set­tle on the floor next to me, it stared at me con­tem­plat­ing his words, and reat­tached itself to my skin, of course this was lit­eral, but that’s how I felt after he told me about the town.

How many of these farms are there?” I asked.

Enough to keep us alive for a while.” he replied with a nasty grin which made my skin itch as if it were to roll off my bones again.

 

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May 08

Why Writers Should Keep a Dream Journal

159070767 fe53ade023 300x199 Why Writers Should Keep a Dream Journal

Photo Credit: *¦·sin­dorella·¦* via Cre­ative Commons

I had a dream last week that I bought a shiny new car. I could smell the inte­rior of the car as well as the feel of the smooth­ness of the ride as it entered the free­way and started a road trip.

I know enough about dream imagery to know what the dream meant. A car, espe­cially a new car, sig­ni­fies a new begin­ning. The smooth ride means the jour­ney I’m on, my writ­ing I’m assum­ing, is going smoothly. The road trip means the jour­ney I’m cur­rently on or may be tak­ing in the future.

Our dreams are telling us some­thing, and we need to lis­ten them. Most of our dreams are our sub­con­scious telling us things about our daily lives. From our teeth falling out, we’re wor­ried about some­thing. Get­ting on a bus, on a jour­ney in our lives. Hav­ing a child, a new start in our lives.

All of these dreams have sig­nif­i­cance and you should keep a dream jour­nal for them, not because it’s some mys­ti­cal thing and all your dreams are push­ing you to some path like Neo in The Matrix, you can get some of your best writ­ing ideas from dreams.

Here’s what you should do with your dreams.

  1. Keep a jour­nal next to your bed along with a pen.
  2. Write in it daily, even if you can only remem­ber cer­tain bits of the dream, more may come later.
  3. Write the place where the dream hap­pens, it doesn’t mat­ter how out­landish it seems, you can get a good idea from weird dreams
  4. Keep it to your­self. Your dream jour­nal is like a diary of your mind, don’t let any­one get into your journal.
  5. Make sure you talk about an odd dream with some­one you trust, some­one who you know will be hon­est with you about what the dream means. This can be a good friend, spouse or one of your adult kids, but you have to be able to trust them with your sub­con­scious thoughts.

Fol­low­ing these things will let you breath eas­ier dur­ing the day. Your mind will be clear and it will make your writ­ing a lot less intru­sive. Your mind may not wan­der on that odd dream that you can’t fig­ure out, because you’ve already writ­ten it down.

Your dreams are yours, don’t tell some­one about them unless you’re sure they won’t crit­i­cize you.

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May 06

Decide, Write and Walk the Path

342200469 258ea8fdbe 300x200 Decide, Write and Walk the Path

Photo Credit : wil­helmja via Cre­ative Commons

 

Last week a friend of mine said she doesn’t have time to do the things she wants to do with her kids, a career and she’s stopped wor­ry­ing about dating..

I see peo­ple who give up on the life they want because they think they can’t have it. They’re wrong, it just takes some work.

There are a few things you must do to get to that point.

Deci­sions

Decid­ing what you want to do with your life is impor­tant and it can bring a sense of peace that you’ve never felt before. This peace will be noticed by those around you and they will ask you what you’re doing, tell them, “I made a deci­sion to do some­thing bet­ter with my life.” They may laugh at you, but in your heart you know you’re fol­low­ing what you want.

Cre­ate a Path.

Your path is your own, and only you can walk it.

The cre­ation of a path is a way to get where you want to be. Write down the things you know you have to do to reach that goal.

  1. If you’re a writer, you must set a sched­ule. This is truly the only way you can get your work done. “I’ll write when I feel inspired.” Yeah, that doesn’t work very well.
  2. Get on Twit­ter and Google+. These are the two places, as a writer you’ll find like minded indi­vid­u­als and you’ll dis­cover what you need to do a lot faster than if you read Poets & Writ­ers and other magazines.
  3. Jump on with some of the groups that are on Google+. There are a lot of good groups on G+.
  4. Pay atten­tion to the agents, pub­lish­ers and authors who write in your genre on Twit­ter. Some­times they have Twit­ter chats, get involved in them. The more peo­ple know who you are the bet­ter for you.
  5. Use Face­book less.
  6. Cre­ate a blog. There are numer­ous places you can start a blog. WordPress.com and Blog­ger are the best. Tum­blr is more for visu­als, at least that’s been my experience.

Stick to the Path

No mat­ter what any­one tells you, do what you want. If you want to be a writer, then ignore your detrac­tors. Most of them have never done any­thing in their lives they are truly proud of.

Lis­ten to your heart not your wal­let. I’m not say­ing quit your job, don’t, be respon­si­ble, but fol­low your heart.

Your heart is your most valu­able tool, lis­ten to it often.

Are you cre­at­ing your own path? Answer in the com­ments and share if you enjoyed the post.

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May 03

Rancid and Raucous

The drums cut and I feel the pull of the rain. The laugh­ing in my head, the burn­ing of the dead. What is this new­found peace? I can’t gather my head, I fear the pas­sion is ring­ing in the dead.

The bells ring and I feel the cacoph­ony of laugh­ter and the screams of the voices in my head. The brac­ing, chas­ing, in your fac­ing. The con­stant sput­ter of the laugh­ter of the fools and dreams of the new plea­sure gath­ered around me.

What is this new pain, this new reign? What are we? What is it?

The dan­ger­ous entan­gle­ments of our lives are accost­ing us in this life. Try­ing to feel the new pain, the devil’s vein.

Ran­cid and rau­cous we see it fall, the pas­sion of the never end­ing devil’s wail. The Wraith clouds our minds. Pulling the new dam­ages and rais­ing the desires of another day in this list­less, life­less, fes­ter­ing, blis­ter­ing hell.

dp seal trans 16x16 Rancid and RaucousCopy­right secured by Digiprove © 2013 Brian Baker

May 01

How to Find Your Novel Through Revisions

4569998205 1a0b5ae5d7 300x199 How to Find Your Novel Through Revisions

Photo Credit: Law H8r via Cre­ative Commons

When you are done with your first book it’s an amaz­ing feel­ing. Some­thing that came from within your soul is on paper, or hard drive. No one can take that moment from you.

After that moment you have to go through it and find the story. If this is your first novel, that may be inter­est­ing. Remem­ber every writer was a first time writer at some point and every­one has been where you are!

There were times when I fin­ished my first book and did revisions–though I never sub­mit­ted it because of its sub­ject mat­ter, it’s a vam­pire story–that I knew I was out of my ele­ment and had to find a way for­ward. The way for­ward ended up being a fin­ished final draft that will pos­si­bly never see an agents desk because of the topic.

Your draft may be dif­fer­ent. Your book may fit in an agents hand very well and they may love it, but get­ting the details right is what matters.

Here’s how:

  1. Put the draft away for a week or two until you feel that its absent from your mind.
  2. Start some­thing else imme­di­ately. Not only does this give you a chance to take your mind of the story it keeps you writ­ing, which is extremely important.
  3. After the two weeks are over, read it thor­oughly and keep a note­book with you while you read it. You’ll need to take notes on things you see which need help. If you pre­fer to use track-changes for this write your notes in the mar­gin instead.
  4. Keep your char­ac­ters in a list. If you didn’t do this when you were sketch­ing your draft, i.e. out­lin­ing, then as you do your read-through write them down. Keep a list of who they are and how they relate to the story. It’s also impor­tant to under­stand your char­ac­ter. This can be done in char­ac­ter sketch. Use one, it will help.
  5. Keep a sched­ule. If you’re not doing this already, it’s a must. Keep­ing a sched­ule keeps you writ­ing reg­u­larly and keeps your mind sharp as well as mak­ing sure your writ­ing gets better.
  6. Finally, just because you fin­ished one book doesn’t mean you should stop writ­ing some­thing else when you’re revis­ing another story. It may help you dis­cover some­thing that was miss­ing in the story you’re revising.

I hope these six things have helped you with your revision/rewrite process. If they have, please share this post and com­ment on your revi­sion process.

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