What comes next…

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Last year I did a lot to work towards my goals of publishing, but there was still the bit of fear of doing it.

I realized that I’m completely in control of this whole thing and if I’m going to publish, no matter what form the stories are in, I have to do the work. I also must have the time to work.

I won’t be doing any events this next year if they start before 12:30 in the afternoon. That will leave the morning open for working, which is what I should have been doing from the outset, but I wanted to be accommodating to the company I work for. They are the only ones who would hire me after leaving Vegas and I felt I owed them to work any time they needed me.

I still owe them a great deal. They saved my ass.

But I’ll be 44 this year and I wanted to have more done in my life by now. I had goals that for one reason or another I didn’t follow through with.

I set standards for what I wanted to have done by the this time. I tossed them away.

This year, I plan on focusing on editing and getting things out.

Those who have followed the blog(all 360+ of you) know how hard I’ve struggled with editing. I won’t struggle this year.

I have too much at stake to toss it away.

I will publish this year, in some form.

If someone who has multiple paying jobs can do it, I can do it with my one.

I think I’ve stopped looking at my writing as a side project. It’s my main focus. I will bartend events this year but I won’t let it take away my focus from my writing. If I have to bring my laptop to an event, then I’ll do that.

This year I’ll publish.

There is no other way to do it.

I’ll take breaks from social media. I’ll avoid things this year. Events I shouldn’t have gone to last year, I’ll stay away from this year.

This year I have three projects in mind and a few others I’m thinking about.¬† I plan on writing to books and a couple of novellas as well as a bunch of short stories.

I wrote seven stories over the Christmas break and I’ll be going through all of them in the coming weeks. I have a story to submit by the end of the month and I’ll do that.

I have set deadlines this year for projects.

I know I’ll have to turn things off, shut people out, but I must do this. I have to focus on getting this done.

My son will graduate in two years and I want the both of us to go to Scotland for a trip after he graduates. Scotland is where my ancestry is. I feel there would be no better place for my son and I to spend some time together before he starts his life.

I will continue the blog.

Its definitely therapeutic.

I wrote some good posts last year and received quite a few new subscribers. But its about the content not the views.

Its nice to have people read what I write, but its better to produce good content. That’s what I’ll be doing with the blog.

Happy New Year and may you find what you’re looking for and what you need in the new year.

What fiction is to me.

The thought of what fiction is to me and what it means to me has been on my mind this week.

It’s the little spaces in between paragraphs when I’m considering what to write next. The moments when I write something well and amaze my self.

Most of all it’s freedom.

Freedom from distractions. Freedom to find purpose in the lives of the characters I create and the ability to try and scare them.

I used to write to impress people. I thought it would but most people don’t care.

When I write it’s to scare myself and maybe my wife. She’s my first reader and if I can scare both of us, I feel accomplished.

I gave up writing for others. There’s no satisfaction in it. There’s no reward in it. They won’t come to you frightened. Most of them won’t read what you write anyway so what’s the use.

Fiction to me is being myself. Finding purpose within the words and trying to make something memorable.

I may not be published but writing for myself is rewarding as hell.

Don’t let the Quitters stop you.


As an artist, writer, actor or entrepreneur, you will run into people who quit.

You will meet people who stopped following their dreams for one reason or another. They may have gotten married, had a kid and stopped believing.

As one of the people I listed, the quitters will see you working, see you grinding and hustling to reach the next mountain and they’ll become jealous.

They may do everything to stop you, they won’t support you because they don’t believe anymore.

They stopped believing in fairy tales when whatever circumstance stole their dream.

You’ll watch them going about their lives, dying on the inside because they see you working, their jealousy flares up and they’ll try to find a way to stop you.

Don’t let them.

Keep working, keep grinding and keep hustling.

No matter what happens, don’t stop working. You may have written a book, it’s sitting on your nightstand, your computer or you have an audition for a part, and they scoff at your dreams.

Stand up, go to that audition, finish that book, talk to the owner of the gallery that shows your type of artwork.

Never stop, never quit.

Failure should motivate you, the quitters should motivate you, the life you don’t have and life you want for you family, that should motivate you.

Never stop, never quit.

The voices in your head will always tell you that you can’t do it, the people, in reality, should be the least of your worries.

Ignore them, keep working, keep grinding and keep hustling.

 

Keep Moving…

Where the worlds meet, the future lies, and its stark and filled with uncertainty.

Each moment is confused, disturbed, and oftentimes it’s lying a puddle of its own blood.

The future isn’t what we wanted it to be; the darkness has come.

There are moments of clarity, but they’re fleeting and confused.

The coherence of the lost souls, the damaged, and the suddenly derided are lost in the future.

With a contemptuous rage, they spoke and the lost souls will move on, but the rage keeps going? Does it?

In the pain they’ll huddle in the corner and keep moving, the must keep moving…we must keep moving.

When You Realize What It Takes To Do What You Want.


There is a moment as a writer when you realize what it takes to get where you want to be.

You’ll be sitting, writing and thinking about other things, or you’ll be editing. And it will hit you.

I realized that to get where I wanted to be as a writer, I’d need time to myself. Not just any type of time, but silent time.

When you have young kids it’s difficult to find that time, but my wife gives me the time I need to get a few thousand words down every day on novels, short stories and poetry.

What it takes is drive. It takes mental strength and the ability to put the bullshit people tell you about who you are in the farthest recesses of your mind and lock it away.

You have to want to succeed. You have to want to see your book in a book store.

You have to want this bad enough to wake up tired and fall asleep exhausted.

When your family sees you come out of your writing cave their remarks should be, “I didn’t know you were home” or “How long have you been in there?” The second question should have you wondering what they’ve been doing.

If you’re willing to work, and work hard for what you want, you can do what you want.

It took me a while to understand how hard I’d truly have to work. You can’t half-ass it, you really have to want it, and want it bad enough to change the way you look at everything in your life.

If you really want to be a writer, you must create a schedule and stick to it.

But most important, you must write. From writing you learn and get better.

An athlete practices, which is exactly what writing is. Every time you write you get better.

I learned a lot on my path to being a writer, but most importantly, I learned you have to work harder than you have for anything.

Write and get better.

Why I Felt Guilty About Following My Dream.


As a writer you reach a point in your life where you either have to figure a way to keep writing or give up on it.

This often happens when you’re close to reaching your goal of publication, but you’re unaware of that.

Throughout my life I’ve told stories of one manner or another. I told them to people so they’d think I was interesting, to myself so I’d like me and to my parents so they’d think I was a good kid.

I learned through those stories that I love to create characters from nothing and that with them I could do anything, but something stopped me on the way.

I felt insecure about my writing, which happens often to writers. Something Amanda Palmer has called the fraud police.

At some point I thought people would accuse me of not supporting my family in the “traditional way” and this led me to wonder whether I should keep writing.

In my early twenties, a friend who knew that I loved to write said I should write a book. So I did, a horrible, awfully constructed vampire book.

What I learned from that book is that finishing a book was possible and that I really enjoyed it, then the fraud police showed up in the form of someone else and I stopped writing as much.

It was after I started writing again and finished another book I felt the fraud police again, in the same form as the last time.

I stopped writing for a while, again and fell into a deep depression which I’ve talked about here, which led me to transcendental meditation and getting through my depression.

After I began TM I started writing again. Little bits at a time until I was ready to tackle something bigger.

The something bigger is the second novel I finished and I’m now in my third rewrite and fourth draft of it.

When my wife and I moved, with the promise of being able to write full-time and bartend part-time, I felt guilty about writing. Not because I was afraid of the fraud police, but because I wanted to follow my dream.

Following my dream of being a writer is something that’s haunted me for most of my adult life and I only now understand why.

I’m doing something most people can’t or won’t do. Follow their dream.

When we decide to follow our dreams and our life allows that possibility to creep in, we think we’re getting away with something, at least I do.

I see all my friends and I know they have dreams they want to follow, and some of them are, but there are others who I really want to help, but they’re so used to being in the life they have they’ve forgotten about the dreams they once had, and the fact that I’m able to follow my dream, makes me feel guilty.

Now that I’m getting past the guilt of following my dream and embracing it I understand who I once was as a writer and I love him because he allowed me to be who I am and create the worlds I love.

How Desire Creates The Possibility Of Your Dreams Them Coming True

  
Within the dream of who we are and who we want to be there is something else.

It keeps us wanting more, sometimes it chases us away and then there are other times we live for the day it wants us more.

Desire is something we never think about, especially if we’re not chasing our dreams.

Desire to want more, the desire to stay with those we’ve known for years and then there’s the times we want more out of life.

The dream keeps us going, but the true desire to follow the dream and become the person we knew we could be, that is what life is for, isn’t it?

What we do with our life, and whether we have the true desire to move away, follow our heart and become something else – that, that one thing, that is completely what life is about.

I’ve seen people defeated and giving up on their dreams because their desire is lost. That feeling of, “I’ll never make it” or of “It’s hopeless, I have too many commitments”.

Those things are why you should seek out desire.

When you give up on your dreams, everyone around you sees it, they feel the loss. They may not say anything, but they were hoping for your dreams too. They wanted you to follow your dreams, because that means it’s possible and that just maybe, they can do it too.

Your desire to succeed is fueled by dreams of a better life, of following your heart and of doing the one thing that keeps you awake at night.

You desire to be better, and that’s enough.