Finding our hearts.

When we started our life, we didn’t understand what it was.

As we move through it, we begin to understand it better.

This discovery could leads us to uncovering who we are, what we want, who we love, why we struggle more than some, but lesss than others.

Along the road to discovery, we learn about ourselves. Not like the items I listed above, but truly learn.

We discover our hearts.

What moves us, what makes us cry, what changes us.

This heart attaches itself to our family members, children, partners, and sometimes art.

I found my heart in writing when I was in my teens.

Life intervened, I wasn’t able to write for a multitude of reasons.

Then, three years ago.

Life gave me a gift.

I’m able to write all I want. Play with my kids. Spend time with my wife and still have time to read.

I found my heart when I was allowed to write full time.

I’ve never been published. But when I sit at the keys, I feel like creating worlds is payment enough.

I enjoy writing more than anything I’ve done. It is my calm when the storm comes.

Have you found your heart.

How I took over control of my life.

This year has been about regaining control over my life.

First, it started by fixing my writing.

I listened to myself when I was writing more often, thought through sentences more carefully, and paid attention when a story went off the rails.

Today my wife will be finishing her first read-through of a novel. I’ll start revising it next week.

I started a new novel yesterday. ¬†I’m currently outlining it and creating a beat sheet.

It’s something different from my other stories, in structure and content.

Second, I’ve been exercising more.

The end of last year was a tough one. My brother passed away from an aneurysm.

Technically we weren’t blood, but he’ll always be my brother.

When he passed, I realized I wasn’t taking care of myself as well as I should.

I’ve worked to correct that.

I work out four to five days a week, restrict my caffeine intake and make sure I’m eating decently.

Third, I spend more time with my wife and kids.

Three years ago I lived in Las Vegas. I worked a job I hated and was stressed all the time.

The hours I worked made it nearly impossible to get any time with my wife and kids.

I’d spend a few days here and there with them but it wasn’t quality time. It was usually in a movie theater.

After we left Las Vegas our goal was for me to write more, spend more time with each other and give our kids a better environment.

We’ve managed to do all of those things.

I’ve written four novels since we moved, over a hundred short stories and with each I see improvement.

Our kids are doing better in school. My son almost made the honor roll, which was unheard of in Las Vegas.

We hike, spend time outside and sometimes we go to the movies. The movies used to be our family time. Now its secondary to doing other things.

I have no doubt I’ll be published soon. I know I’m in better physical and mental condition than I was three years ago.

My relationship with my kids and my wife is stronger than its ever been.

If we wouldn’t have left Las Vegas all of us would be miserable.

I fight my way through depression daily, my wife does too.

There are moments when life seems hard. At those moments I look around and compare the life I had three years ago to my current situation.

Things are better.

I took control of a lot of things this year. I’m also working harder at my prose than I thought possible. I never would have had the time to focus during our Las Vegas life.

Today, I have the time, the strength and the ability to push towards my goals.

It all started by taking control.

Don’t let the Quitters stop you.


As an artist, writer, actor or entrepreneur, you will run into people who quit.

You will meet people who stopped following their dreams for one reason or another. They may have gotten married, had a kid and stopped believing.

As one of the people I listed, the quitters will see you working, see you grinding and hustling to reach the next mountain and they’ll become jealous.

They may do everything to stop you, they won’t support you because they don’t believe anymore.

They stopped believing in fairy tales when whatever circumstance stole their dream.

You’ll watch them going about their lives, dying on the inside because they see you working, their jealousy flares up and they’ll try to find a way to stop you.

Don’t let them.

Keep working, keep grinding and keep hustling.

No matter what happens, don’t stop working. You may have written a book, it’s sitting on your nightstand, your computer or you have an audition for a part, and they scoff at your dreams.

Stand up, go to that audition, finish that book, talk to the owner of the gallery that shows your type of artwork.

Never stop, never quit.

Failure should motivate you, the quitters should motivate you, the life you don’t have and life you want for you family, that should motivate you.

Never stop, never quit.

The voices in your head will always tell you that you can’t do it, the people, in reality, should be the least of your worries.

Ignore them, keep working, keep grinding and keep hustling.

 

Summer Goals


Fear debilitates you, belittles you, and takes away your mind.

I’ve always been fearful of something, spiders, my father, losing my kids or my wife, but last night I had one of those writing epiphanies.

I write¬†Science Fiction, Fantasy, and horror because they’re what I feel comfortable with.

I write them because writing something literary or something that wouldn’t be considered popular fiction scares the shit out of me.

I have moments in my writing where the words flow like wine in Napa, moments where the words don’t tell you what’s going on in the story but you see the cloud formations, catch the protagonists eye and feel their pain, unfortunately, those are only moments.

For me, these moments are the glimmer of better writing, the shining example of where my writing could go if I were to allow it.

I have a book to finish this month, though it may push into June. I also have a second draft of another book to complete by June, that one will be done by June.

For the summer, I’ll be working on my craft. I won’t write a book this summer, I will improve my ability to craft them though.

This summer I’ll work on improving my craftsmanship.

Who’s down for doing this with me?

 

 

Teaching my son, that learns like me…

 

When I was in junior high, I hated school. I dealt with bullies; my grades sucked and whenever I mentioned the bullies to my father, he’d side-step, “how are your grades?”

What I recently realized through watching my son struggle with school is that I may have a learning disability.

He has issues with focus, I do too, but mine isn’t as pronounced as his.

This realization came to when we got his grades and how hard school is for him.

My wife doesn’t understand it because she learns the way teachers teach. I always hated those kids.

School for me was hard. I sat in front of the room, couldn’t have distractions and my son, he’s the the same way.

Now that I’m aware of this, I have to remember how I learned and teach him to learn.

Some teachers don’t care what your issues are; they’re in the classroom to teach those who don’t have the learning issues, this was obvious to me many times in school.

When I had a problem or didn’t’ understand something and asked for help, they acted put out by it, “Why can’t you just learn this?”

I know this is why I read so much as a kid, and still do. It’s the main reason I hide out to get my word count for whatever WiP(Work in Progress) is befuddling me.

Books were my escape from reality; video games are his. It’s his way to escape from the world and problems he’s dealing with, and I guess my wife and I didn’t understand why until now.

I think I wanted him to be more like my wife and get the grades and not struggle, but that’s not the case, and he needs that extra attention.

Do your kids learn like you or your partner?

Another from the Asylum Makes Her Entrance.

Hello,

I guess, that’s how this should go. I know the others have had their say, but, me, I feel that…maybe…possibly, I should do something else.

Cubist is psychotic, Jack is prude and B, well, he’s the ringmaster or the Director of the Asylum that is us.

As for me, I’m Shae. I’ll just leave it as that one word. I think things are about life, death and possibly getting through adolescence, but that’s another story for another day.

I won’t keep you waiting, or write a lot like Cubist, he does that. I’ll just say,

Adieu,

Shae

Finishing, following through and other 2015 things.

New things make us wonder about the old.
We think about how they loved, how they made us feel and how they changed us.
We see each year as it passes and we may think about who we’ve been, how we changed and hopefully, how we’ve grown.
Today starts 2015, and with it a new start, a new journey and a way for us to become who we want.
I come into this year far different than I came into 2014.
I grew spiritually and found my calling.
In 2015 I’ll be expanding on my writing and focusing on my off-line writing. Which may take me away from Delusions of Ink, but in order to grow we must try harder things, discover new places within and journey to find who we need to be.
In this new year my focus will shift to growth of my writing, while 2014 was growth of my soul.
I’ll still be writing, but I must challenge myself to become a better writer for myself.
I hope you’ll stay as I take my journey with Transcendental Meditation forward and share all the new things it will bring.
I also plan to have my wife do an article after she’s been doing TM for a while, and she agreed.
Seeing her response to TM is something I’m looking forward to.
Enjoy 2015 and enjoy life more, love more and do something you’ve never attempted for the sake of doing it.