Tag Archives: Fear

I wrote 86k last December. Here’s what happened and why I won’t do that again.

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Yes, you read the title of this post correctly.

I finished a 86,000 word novel in one month. But here’s the catch, it wasn’t executed very well.

I know I need to go back to it but damn, it’s a daunting as hell task.

It’s not quite cohesive and that’s where the problem is the biggest. The smaller ones are it feels like a few short stories compiled into a novel.

I had no idea what I was writing at the time. I only had a first line and went from there.

This month I plan on writing a lot but not 86k, but we’ll see.

I had an idea the other day about a story, actually a few stories with one character that holds them together.

I’ve taken to sketching, connecting, outlining and figuring out what the hell its about.

It may take me a few months to do this as I’ve allotted a great deal of 2020 with construction of this one.

I did this with a couple of stories and I really enjoyed writing them and their respective outlines.

This one though, it’s different.

You know that excitement when things click? The feeling of trying to catch your breath with the possibilities?

That’s what I feel with this one and it’s why I’ll be taking so much of the year working on it.

I will also be submitting short stories and novels to magazines, contests, and agents.

I had planned on doing that today but had a bartending event to prepare for.

I’ll be submitting a novel to agents over the next couple of days as well as preparing a couple of short stories to those magazines and contests.

Have a good week and keep writing.

Sharing stories and locking the writing door.

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I’ve come to the realization that I work better when I shut the world, and sometimes, people off from me.

It’s not about depression or anything else, it’s about reaching a point where aloneness is conducive for the act of writing and creating.

I never noticed that shutting myself away had this effect.

In what I write–horror–finding a hiding spot in the corner of the room, stopping the world from seeing you, talking to you(except for those who are closest)is possibly the most liberating thing.

I have a small group, my wife and kids being it, and they let me write. I’m not restricted by waiting for someone to text or cal that they’re in town. Or whether they’ll see me if they are.

My family lets me do what I need and it’s reassuring that they have my back., especially my wife.

She’s the on I bounce stories off of. The one I talk to when I need to solve a story issue.

Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. But I can always do that.

There are others who I’ve confused in. Let read my stories but they’re not really interested.

They pat me on the head when I would send them things, but they don’t really want to read.

They have lives of their own but my sharing my writing with them meant something.

It meant I trust you with my heart.

When they toss it away, it hurts.

It’s why I only let my wife read my stories.

I will share things on Reddit or writing sites, but they’ve usually gone through a lot revisions

If I share my writing with you, take as I’m sharing a secret. Don’t dispose of it in your email trash.

Tell me you can’t read it or that you’re too busy for it. I’ll get the hint.

Today I’m writing what scares me. I write it because I have to learn more about myself.

Tomorrow I have queries to send off.

I’ll keep you posted and stay warm.

Write for yourself first.

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In Stephen King’s book “On Writing”, he talks about his first reader.

For him it’s his wife Tabitha. I understand why and for him this works.

For the longest time I wrote with someone in mind. Someone I thought would like the book, understand it, and it would scare them.

To go along with my most recent posts, that’s changed.

I feel there is only one person I should write a story for. Myself.

I am the first reader of the story after all and while I may put things in it for certain people. I’ve become aware that some people won’t read what I write anyway so why would I write a story for them?

I put things in on the off chance they would but I’m no longer under delusion the will.

It comes to what terrifies me. What makes me think, “Damn, we skipped some levels.”

Those levels are the places I used to write from.

Living in fear of being judged of the things in my mind. The things I better not put in stories because someone will think there’s something wrong with me.

I no longer live in those levels, neither do my stories.

I have more to submit this week, as I said in other posts.

This week will be one with my wife and kids and it’s snowing as I put these words on the page.

Have a pleasant Thanksgiving and I may put another post up later in the week.

Writing, focus, breaks, and closing up shop.

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In the past week I’ve realized I’m not working hard enough. I haven’t put enough effort into my writing, my editing, and that it’s time to do that.

I have 2 novels, a few short stories and other things that need to be done, and soon.

Somewhere I lost my focus. I’m not sure where it went but I have a plan to get it back.

It’s been involved in other things. It’s kept me from doing what I need to.

So here’s what’s going to happen.

I’m taking a break from the blog. It’s difficult decision since I’ve gained almost 200 blog followers since last March.

I appreciate every one of you. But it’s time for me to get shit done.

I will return in June 2020.

I hate to do this. I’ve found that I need to do what’s best for me and my family.

I’m also disabling my Instagram.

It’s a full stop on social media.

I realized that I’ve been caring too much about what others think about my work and that’s coming to a stop.

Critics don’t scare me anymore, not getting published does.

If I don’t see you…

Continuing, finding me, and the path to where I need to be.

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I find writing more enjoyable when there are other things going on in my head. Let’s take yesterday as an example.

I bartended last night, had writing to finish or continue(not sure which it is day-to-day)and I discovered that I got better, more focused work.

This comes as I’m trying to find a story for compilation I’m submitting to.

I’ve written two and started a third. It doesn’t need to be ready to go until the end of January, but I’m trying to find a story that fits and the best way for me is to write a few until something clicks.

That click hasn’t happened, though I’ve written two short stories, very short. One is under 1,000 the other is just over. I’m trying to get one that’s about 5-6k then I can clean it up in editing.

I’ll keep going, keep on the path and find where I need to be in my writing and life. I’ve found a few things that are working and others that aren’t. It’s all trial and error. But I’ll get there.

Have a good weekend.