Tag Archives: depression

The Fight…

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I’ve been circling the pit lately.

I hear the voices from within its muddy walls and the world stops.

I get those panicked breaths and I wonder what’s brought it on.

Staring down from my cliff, waiting for the tendrils to pull me in I wait on the rim.

I wait for something worse to happen, I wait for a lost job, a tragedy to befall my loved ones where the tendrils pull me back.

I feel the pillow over my face suffocating that smothers the life I want and takes away the life I have.

I stand at the rim looking in, hoping for something to bring me back.

But as the tendrils reach I put words on the page, for that’s my only solace.

The words count at the end of the day and the fight back the monsters.

The words push me away from the rim, away from the tendrils as their claws rip at the muddy precipice of the pit.

Transcendental Meditation two years in.

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pablo (17)

My anniversary for my first transcendental meditation session has come and gone and I realized, I haven’t done an update.

Here’s what’s happened in the past two years.

  • My wife started doing TM and it’s greatly improved her bipolar disorder.
  • I quit my job in Las Vegas to pursue my writing. This is something I’d never have had the courage to do otherwise.
  • I write full-time and though there have been challenges along the way, I’d never change anything I’ve done in the last two years.
  • I’ve had numerous people reach out to me on Facebook who had read my articles about TM from TM.org. This one thing has meant more to me than anything else.

I still have depression issues, but they are less than they’ve ever been.

One thing I’ve started doing in my daily routine is exercise. The combination of settling my mind and exercising my body has made a complete difference in my life.

I’m more focused in my life than I’ve ever been, I’m not saying things have been perfect, life isn’t perfect for anyone, I know that I’m a better human for doing my TM twice a day for 20 minutes each.

If you’d like more information about TM, follow the link in the article. If you’d like more information about me, connect with my on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Anchor.

 

What’s been going on…

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pablo (4)

Hello,

I know I’ve been away, but I have to tell you why.

It’s been nearly two years since I began my journey with Transcendental Meditation, and recently I started another journey.

While TM helped me with depression, I wasn’t doing other things to help.

I wasn’t exercising, I wasn’t spending time with my family the way I should and I was ignoring little things that led me to more bouts of depression.

TM wasn’t the cure for depression, it was merely a catalyst to get me healthy.Now, I’m working out every day, doing my TM every day, eating better, spending time with my wife and kids and I can honestly tell you, I haven’t had a depression issue since I’ve been incorporating exercise into my daily regimen.

I know there are some of you who will say, but you said TM helped you?

It saved me. I was at the worst part of my life and it was the life preserver.

Without beginning TM I can honestly say, I wouldn’t be alive today.

I love what I’m doing now, I love how it makes my body feel and I still love how my mind feels after the twenty minutes twice a day of TM.

I’ve recovered from depression, for now, it will creep its ugly head into my life again, mental illness is just that way, but I hope everything I’ve written on this page has helped someone, I’m absolutely certain it has. I’ve been contacted by numerous people who’ve read my words on this page or from the articles on TM.org.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and do the things I’ve been doing for the last few months and also the TM I’ve been doing for the last two years.

TM made my mind healthy, but the routines I’m doing, they’ve made my body healthy.

I hope you have a great day,

Brian

Never too old

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Tomorrow, I turn 40, while most people freak out, my wife is one of them, I’m proud I made it this far.

A few years ago, I was going through a bad depression. 

I had thought of suicide at the time and had stood on a ledge at my old job in Las Vegas.I can’t tell you why I didn’t jump, only that I felt there was more for me to do in life.
I have two kids whom I adore, a beautiful wife and everyone thought my life was perfect.
No one has a perfect life, not even the millionaires. We all deal with something we wish we didn’t have to.
A little while after I climbed off the ledge, I started meditating. 
It all started by working on my mental and psychological issues. 
Today, those issues pop up every so often, so I started another part of fixing myself.
I began working on my physical health. And to say that I feel better would be an understatement.
Today, I’m able to fit into clothes I haven’t worn in years; I have more energy to do things with my wife and kids, and I’m able to live a life that others indeed would envy.
I have time to write (my true creative love), have time to work the business I” ve been building, have time to read, and time to do the things my old job never afforded me.
How did I do those things?
I took control of my life through being an online fitness coach.
I talk about that, and people are like, yeah, bullshit, well…it’s the truth. 
Here’s how it happened:
My friend, she’d been coaching for a while, and knew it would be something that would interest me. 
She knew I wanted more time to write and spend with my family.
Today, I work my business for an hour a day and do the other things that matter to me.
Right now, there’s a program that I’ll be starting Monday. 
If you’ve ever wanted to go through a boot camp style workout, do it in your home with no one watching you screw up the moves. And no one to judge how you look. but if you want to coach, like I do and have more time to yourself or with family, all for less than a gym membership, comment at the end of this post.
Peace, 

Brian 

5 Things I Learned About Myself While Battling Depression

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There are little things that happen when you begin to live.

They’re small to others but to those of us who struggle with depression, they’re profound.

Throughout my battle with depression I’ve had things that kept me going, though at a few points they didn’t feel like they were enough.

  1. I’m able understand my children better.
  2. I don’t get angry as often at little things.
  3. I understand my life and how I got to this point.
  4. My wife understands me better.
  5. I know where my limits are and how to manage things better.

In hindsight I should have told my wife or someone how bad things were, but the shame of being male and dealing with depression scared me into being quiet.

Men and boys are told to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves and to never let anyone know we’re hurting.

This causes problems for us and our families.

Oftentimes resulting in tragedy.

Getting through my depression I’ve learned to listen to my body and have it guide me in the direction I need to go.

Depression is one of those things that never truly leaves us. It’s part of who we are and knowing that helps us understand ourselves us better.