Tag Archives: Family

The definition of happiness…

Posted on by
Reply

For a long time I thought happiness meant the car, the house, the good job.

I stopped thinking that way a while ago.

For me happiness is seeing my wife and kids every day, during daylight hours, sitting and talking with my son and goofing off with him.

It’s my daughter telling me about her dolls, My Little Pony, and what she did in school.

It’s enjoying the things I took for granted.

I took my wife for granted. I expected she’d always be there. There were times when I think about it now, that I was an ass with her and if she’d have left I would’ve deserved it.

It’s about enjoying the life I have and not caring what others think about that life.

It’s about not caring what others think about your life. It’s what you think about it.

It’s taken me a long time to understand this.

I would rather have the life I have. The struggle to pay bills while I write. The late nights bartending, and the mornings where I know the day will be a struggle.

My life isn’t perfect but I love everything about it.

Fear and what it does to us.

Posted on by
Reply

I was talking to my wife the other night as we lay in bed.

We want to go to London and Edinburgh with our kids next summer and I said, “well if we go there at least we won’t get shot at.”

This is what we’ve come to.

My kids go back to school in two weeks and then it’s stress time.

Any time the sound of siren passes down the street we wonder. Is that going to their school?

It’s a horrible place to be in as a human and a parent to think this way, but it’s the only way I can think.

We’ve reached a point where we cower in fear at the sound of siren, a car backfiring, and fireworks going off.

It’s not normal to act this but unfortunately it’s the point we’ve reached.

I’ve talked to other parents who react the same way and it’s terrifying.

I don’t look at this as a political issue, it’s a human rights issue.

My kids and everyone else’s kids deserve to attend school without having lockdown drills.

Myself and other parents deserve to not worry about a shooting but whether their kid is enjoying school.

I’ve reached the point where I’d rather travel overseas with my family than in the country of my birth.

My family has roots going to the 1600’s in this country. It’s about what’s right and decent not about what’s politically popular.

Working to get on track.

Posted on by
Reply

This past week blew me up.

I haven’t been able to get any decent words on the page and the stop-start of stories has thrown my mind into a tiff.

I’ve written little bits of story, but nothing substantial and not anything I’d show to anyone, even my wife.

Today, this morning, I’m working on getting things done, because I can’t sit here and not work. I have to do something, even if it’s editing.

I’m stick to what I said on Monday and I’m getting past what I wrote on Wednesday, and it’s hard.

I’ve had to look at myself and my writing in way that I don’t want. Hell, I’m not sure any of us what’s to look at ourselves the way I have in the past week.

This weekend leads into another week and it’s day-by-day.

I keep going because I have to prove something to myself.

This isn’t about getting published anymore.

Its about proving to myself with all the headgames and all the the ways my mind tells me I can’t, that I can.

Have a good weekend and I’ll see you on Monday.

Own your screw ups!

Posted on by
Reply

This weekend I went to my niece’s wedding, drank too much, got sick, and didn’t get to do all the things I wanted to with my kids on Father’s Day.

I am totally to blame for this.

There’s this thing I tell myself about taking responsibility for my actions.

I hadn’t drank in a few weeks and I took my eye off my goals to drink. I haven’t done that in a long time.

My goals mean a lot to me and that I took my eye off the prize at the end of this writing journey, pisses me off.

I’m angry at myself for drinking too much. I couldn’t write on Sunday because the effects of the alcohol were still in my system. I don’t write well intoxicated. It comes out forced and horrid.

So I’m holding myself to a goal.

No alcohol for the rest of the summer.

I let myself down by drinking too much and in the process screwed up my writing schedule.

Own your screw ups.

Acknowledge every time you’ve messed up and say you’re sorry to those you’ve hurt.

I drank to excess on Saturday and let myself, my wife, and my kids down.

Have a good week.

When people you don’t know support you…

Posted on by
Reply

During my bartending event on Wednesday night I had someone I’d only met tell me, “Keep going with that writing and stay focused on it.”

I don’t get that kind of support from family and here was this guy, I’d only met an hour ago, telling me this.

There are people in this world who get it. They understand what you’re trying to do, and why.

Sometimes they are few and far between but they are there.

Now that we’re at The halfway point of the year I can look back and say I’ve done some great things to improve my self and my writing.

The former is supposed to spelled that way.

I have worked on avoiding anger, people who disrupt my work, and those who see what I’m doing as a dream that will never happen.

I work hard on writing, my self, and who I want to be.

This man saw that and I thanked him for it.

Have a great weekend, I’ll be spending it watching my amazing niece get married.