The problem with expectations…

I talked last week about my struggle getting back to writing, having too much to drink, and all of that.

I think last week was about the high expectations I have for myself and my writing.

Every day I try and live a life my kids, my wife, and I will be proud of.

I bartend as many shifts as I can get and write every day.

I worked another event in Park City, Utah on Saturday. The other bartender and I got to talking and he said, “This gig must work out perfect for you.”

And it does.

Bartending two to three days a week works for my writing and family life.

When you’ve come from working full time to part time, the world changes, people look at you differently, but you mustn’t care what they think.

You know how hard you work.

I’m at the desk every day, even this last week when I’ve had to go somewhere else to work so my son could get his summer classes done,(he’s taking an online class this summer to boost his credits for graduation).

So I gave him the space to work on his class and I went somewhere else to work, which I’ll be doing the rest of the summer.

This past week was a struggle. I had to think about my writing in a different way and had to look at the stories I’m writing differently.

It’s hard to explain but maybe I’ll try on Wednesday.

Have a good Monday.

Working to get on track.

This past week blew me up.

I haven’t been able to get any decent words on the page and the stop-start of stories has thrown my mind into a tiff.

I’ve written little bits of story, but nothing substantial and not anything I’d show to anyone, even my wife.

Today, this morning, I’m working on getting things done, because I can’t sit here and not work. I have to do something, even if it’s editing.

I’m stick to what I said on Monday and I’m getting past what I wrote on Wednesday, and it’s hard.

I’ve had to look at myself and my writing in way that I don’t want. Hell, I’m not sure any of us what’s to look at ourselves the way I have in the past week.

This weekend leads into another week and it’s day-by-day.

I keep going because I have to prove something to myself.

This isn’t about getting published anymore.

Its about proving to myself with all the headgames and all the the ways my mind tells me I can’t, that I can.

Have a good weekend and I’ll see you on Monday.

Realizing when to give up on a story.

I hate giving up on a book. I really, really hate it!

I often wonder if I’ve hit a wall? Did I write something that screwed up the story? Did I do something to the characters that doesn’t work?

That’s when I go back and read what I’ve written, trying to find breadcrumbs leading me to the problems.

Sometimes there are no problems and the story ran its course or my brain doesn’t know where the hell to go.

This week the former happened.

The story I’m 22k into stopped. I don’t know why it stopped. I read through the previous sections looking for those breadcrumbs. They were nowhere.

Then I got a little depressed.

I haven’t written a novel yet this year and I keep thinking something is wrong with me or my brain because of it. I mean my creative brain not the literal grey matter.

I got a the place I don’t like being at.

Do I continue with this story, focus on improving parts of my writing by writing short stories or do I try my hand at another long form story?

So I did something I rarely do; I let my wife read a couple of sections.

I only do this on the rarest of stories and only if I really want the story to succeed.

Which I truly want with this story.

She gave me ideas on what to change, things to add and said she thought I had some good writing, which she doesn’t say often. But when she does, it makes me feel better about the story.

So after getting a little depressed I’m continuing with the project.

Why you must write for yourself.

I’ve ventured into this conversation before but this time feels different. I’m a different writer than I was the last time I posted a blog with this time of theme.

I’d link to it but I can’t remember how long ago I wrote it. So let’s just dig into why I’m writing this.

Throughout my life there have been things I’ve jumped into and failed. They failed for many reasons; some of them more to do with my work ethic and how much I cared about the topic at the time.

I used to get bored of things easily. I believe that came from immaturity on my part.

But I’d do something then quit when it either got to difficult or I got bored, sometimes both.

With writing, it’s never felt that way. I remember writing in middle school and high school and completely loving every moment of it.

I never thought writing as an avenue I could pursue as a career. This thought was influenced by my biological father’s feelings growing up.

Now that I have someone who supports my writing(thanks Anita)I feel more confident and comfortable doing what I enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been difficult chasing this writing thing, but worth it.

I write every day, unless there is something planned with my wife and kids.

Writing doesn’t feel like those past failures. It feels like something I’m supposed to do.

I learned a lot about myself, and others, from those failures. But the one thing that became life altering, was that whatever your goals, you have to chase them for yourself. Not your spouse, partner, parents, siblings or anyone else who may have an opinion on your life.

Ultimately, it’s your life and you have see yourself in the mirror every day. Would you rather see yourself happy or doing what someone else believes you should do?

The decision is yours but you have to live with that decision, no one else.

Do what you enjoy because it’s your future, your sanity, and your choice.

Happy writing and get some shit done today, and have a great weekend.

Don’t work for free.

Let me start this post by saying, welcome to all the new followers.

Okay, that’s done, now down to what I want to say.

This past weekend I let it be known I was probably going to publish a book on Amazon soon. I wrote about this decision on Monday’s post.

I’ve been debating this decision with myself and I’ve talked it over with my wife. We decided the book will not get any better than its current iteration and that I should publish, now back to the point.

One of my friends thought I’d give him a feee signed copy of the book when it’s released. I truly care about this person but they don’t write or doing anything creative, that I’m aware of.

This being the case, they don’t understand how hard it is to be a creative.

There are only two people who would get those signed copies, for free; my wife and my mom.

They have been my biggest supporters throughout my writing journey.

I have a date selected for publication and I’ll be going over the draft leading up to that date.

I’ll let all of you know when that will be in the coming weeks.

Happy writing and don’t work for free.