Tag Archives: Belief

Navigating the Waters of Who We Want to Be.

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The more we fight who we are, the harder it becomes to resist the temptation to become that person.

Each new day comes and goes, but within those days the struggle within, the struggle to fight and move on and become the person we should be, that fight becomes more difficult.

The difficulty lies in having the time to digest the new person, peruse who they are and navigate through their mind.

Our digestion of this person is fought on all sides from outside sources. Family and friends are afraid of this person, they don’t know them and their discovery of who we want to be and what we truly want frightens them.

Our perusal of this person and what they represent to our lives is oftentimes destroyed by our glance within. We’ve fought hard to become that person, and the destruction of they’ve wrought leads us to a place we’re unfamiliar with and this scares the hell out of us, and it should, change should scare us.

Like Magellan, we move around the places we don’t want to be, dodging the Horn of Hate, ignoring the Straight of Lost Dreams, until we reach the place we’re supposed to be, sure there will be lost sailors along the way, there may even be lost ships, but reaching the new shore of who we are is worth traveling for.

A Truck, A Move and Offering Prosperity to My Family.

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The truck, its cargo area full of their life, caught gusts of wind every so often as it bounced along the freeway.

It wasn’t an escape as much as a parole or something similar.

They weren’t sure about how long things would take to get their new lives in order, they only knew that things had changed and for the better.

*

The above was what rolled through my mind this past week as we moved from our residence in Las Vegas arriving nearly 400 miles later at my mother-in-laws.

It was a move that had been coming for years, but a perfect compliment of things made the move possible and without delay, we set upon making it true.

Last summer my father-in-law became really sick and we’d come up just after the 4th to be with him, but we didn’t know how bad he was until he left us in November.

On our return trip last summer, my wife asked me a question, one which I wasn’t ready for.

“How would you feel about moving back to Utah?”

They were words I’d been waiting for, but never believed she’d say.

The job I’d had for 14 years had drained me. I’d become less of the person I wanted to be and had become a shell. The only thing that saved me last year was finding Transcendental Meditation (TM).

TM changed who I was and I became more positive about the future and where I wanted to be and with that, I knew I wanted my family to be somewhere else and with overt sexualization of women in Las Vegas I wanted my daughter to be raised somewhere better for her.

The plan was for me to find a job then move, but that isn’t how it went, because, you know, plans don’t work often.

I discovered there were those I worked with who didn’t believe that I’d leave, after all, I’d been there for 14 years and planned attempts to get out before, but this time felt different. I felt like my wife truly wanted this.

I turned in my notice at my job, something which felt amazing after working hard for a company that had stripped the staff, amenities and removed the good food we’d been served for years, giving us mostly sous vide food which was less quality than we’d had before.

Now that we’ve moved, our kids are adjusting daily, as are we, but I know there are others who want to leave, but are unable because of one reason or another.

I say to them, when the opportunity presents itself, grasp it, hold on to it. It may feel hard to leave a job, friends and relationships you’ve built, but a better life for you and your family is more important than any monetary gains you’d get by staying.

Piece of mind is the greatest gift this move has given me.

I no longer worry about what I’ll find arriving at work, or the type of drama I’ll be forced to listen to.

What is the most important thing to me, are my kids, wife and being able to do the things they need to prosper in this world.

Prosperity in their lives gives me unfathomable peace when I sleep.

Now, back to living the life I want, not the one I’m forced into.

Bri

2014: Transcendental Meditation and Healing my Soul

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We talk about life-changing moments, but until they happen we’re not truly sure until after the fact.

This past year I said goodbye to my wonderful dog Abbey, held my wife the morning her father died and discovered who I am.

Abbey was with me through my migraine sessions, always laying next to me until they subsided. My father-in-law was one of the most creative, imaginative and caring men I’ve ever met.

Both of these changed who I am, but it was the 20 minutes I took twice a day which healed my soul and saved me from suicide and depression.

My life up until this year felt as though it were a series of mishaps leading me toward the end of my life. By the end of 2013 I felt I’d lived my last full year and would not live through another year.

When I walked in to the TM center in Las Vegas, I discovered that there were others who had dealt with depression, addiction, and stress in the same ways I had.

They’d taken the pills the doctor prescribed, they’d had their share of being “on the wagon.” None of them felt better until they’d tried TM.

Now, I’m the one touting its effectiveness and leading others to learn the technique.

In the next few weeks my wife will be learning the technique. She’s had her father pass away, dealt with depression and bi-polar disorder. But I know TM will work for her. In the next year there will be a few changes on the blog to reflect my involvement with TM and I hope you’ll talk to a teacher or read David Lynch’s book.

2014 and Transcendental Meditation changed my soul. It made me want to live for myself. It made me want to be a better father, husband, son and human. I care more about the lives around me, though they may not know I’m there, I want them to be at peace with who they are, where they’ve been and the life they have.

TM put my soul to rest about my childhood, my parents divorce and the problems I’d had with my father. I love him, and always will, but I know that we’re different people than we were before and there’s a separation between us that will never be healed. I hope he has a good life, enjoys himself and finds TM and begins to learn.

We’re all going through life learning about who we are, but I feel TM makes us understand who we are and embrace that person and not care about the rest.

Happy New Year and I hope you have peaceful 2015.

Brian

 

How Transcendental Meditation Helped Me Live in the Present Moment.

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A soft flurry, like shredded tissue paper from God’s hands fell around me.

I watched the three of them play, one snowball, another.

Their laughter and smiles infectious as they struggled to stay upright on the damp grass.

I stood at the top of the hill, a smile from ear to ear as I watched my wife and kids play and I wondered, “how many of these moments have I missed?”

When I think about the selfish person I was a year ago (and I’m not referring to suicide). I wonder about the times days like the snowballs and laughter happened, but I was too busy worrying about myself?

I could have done more for my wife and kids, I see that now, but then, I couldn’t see anything but my own ambition and ego.

Ambition which had led me astray, ego which had nearly killed my marriage, but now that I’m better and see who I was, I think about moments, small moments that I may have missed because I wasn’t paying attention to the “moment’.

But what thing stands out among everything. The person I was missed some awesome things, things which I’ll never get back, but I’m trying.

I look at my children playing, my son tearing it up on video games, my daughter and her Palace Pets, and I broke a promise to them, one I’ve been working to repair.

For my wife, whose trust and love I often took for granted, I try to make new moments for us. Moments only we know about, whether it’s laughter about me acting out something that happened at work, or doing one of the numerous voices I’m able to do, I’ve begun to find myself in the ego I once held sacred.

I look for ways to make up for the person I was, whether that’s my son telling me about school, showing me the details of his new Lego collection, or my daughter explaining the intricacies of which Palace Pet belongs to which Disney Princess.

I listen more to them now. My wife, I truly hear her. I don’t judge her as I once did. I take notice of her more and that’s the one thing I’ve noticed about TM and who I am now, I find myself more in love with my wife than I believe I’ve ever been.

I see the way she fixes her hair to try to hide the grey and the way she looks at me as if I were an alien when I respond to a question in a way my former self wouldn’t have.

I see all these things about my family, and to think, I’m different because of 20 minutes twice a day. That’s all I’ve changed.

Why I Rethought The Way I Look at My Writing.

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Each day we’re stuck living someone else’s dream.

We go to a job where oftentimes, we’re creating something for someone else, because it pays the bills.

What if we decided to live our dream, pay the bills and still keep people happy?

This was something I thought about the other day when I was writing.

I work a day job, which I had considered my main job, obviously neglecting my writing and anything creative in the process.

That was until this past week, when I was struck with something, I’m not a writer. I’m pretending to be a writer.

What I realized in that “moment of clarity” is that I’ve been looking at my writing as a second job, sure it doesn’t pay the bills right now, but as long as I treat my writing as the second job and not the first, it will always suffer.

In this realization I thought, “Damn, if I think this way, others do as well.”

What do we do about it?

We rethink our creative side, redo the way we look at our day and come up with ways to put our creative efforts first, and other things second.

I say this as a husband and father, “If your creative side isn’t in first place, it will never win.”

I have obligations, it’s not like I’m going to quit my day job, not right now. I see the time coming when that will happen, but it’s not right now.

The thing is, we all have things we want to do, but we put them in second place out of fear, shame or other reasons.

Fear of rejection, fear of someone not understanding and the fear of failure. And shame, damn, shame is the worst. When we look at the things we’ve failed at there could be a big list, and because we failed at those the shame and fear of it happening again makes us not want to try, not want to do it again.

But, when we come to the realization, as I did, that what we wake up for in the morning should be first. That the thing we want to do most in our life should be first, then, and only then will we discover the will to do it.

I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be hard. There will be people who say you can’t do it, there will be that damn voice in your head and when the voice in your head talks, tell it to F off.

The only way you’re going to do what you want with your life is to put your creative pursuits first and anything else second.

We live someone else’s dream every day, isn’t it about time we live our dream?