Tag Archives: Fiction

Writing for you, skipping out, and gathering in a storm.

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After writing Monday’s post I thought more about the person I write for.

The kid whose parents don’t let them read what they want, the twenty-something writer that only wants to get their foot in the door, the writer and reader I am today.

The kid is the easiest to write for because without restrictions they can read anything.

The twenty-something is a bit more difficult because they want they’re writing to mean something, but they also want to have fun while writing.

The writer and reader I am today is the most difficult.

They’re the person in the mirror and I feel unsure about how to help that person.

Do I write something truly terrifying that maybe an agent may enjoy, or do I write something just to say I have something published?

I think this conundrum bears further exploration and may lead my writing to better places.

It’s difficult for me to write things where it’s truly terrifying because I still worry about judgment. I know I shouldn’t because in the end it’s my name on the book and not the judgmental person but I still worry.

There’s this thing running through my head where I see everyone judging me based upon what I write. It’s the main reason it took me so long to stick with horror.

I’m a dark soul, I always have been. And in that darkness I find solace, peace, and freedom.

It’s why I struggle with depression. It’s why I’ve struggled with alcohol(1 month 4 days sober today)and it’s why I need to just say fuck it and write the darkest and most disturbing story I can.

In that story I feel I’ll find the person who should be writing these stories instead of the person pretending to write.

When I write I feel the world stops. When I write it’s like a dream and I’m within the construct of the world.

Without that edging of my dreams I’d be lost and without the writing and darkness I’d never find my way out.

I keep writing and this time I’ll go the darkest I can and see what slithers out of the nether. It’s in the darkest recesses the writer I know I’m meant to be is hiding.

He’s only afraid to make and entrance.

It’s in the bleakest of moments and darkest of storms we find ourselves.

The storm is still there, it hasn’t passed. I believe it’s only waiting for my decision.

Editing, trying to read, and being lazy.

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I’ve been editing the book I wrote in the spring and really enjoying it.

I’ve been trying to read but I’m book hopping right now and it’s driving me nuts.

I have to be reading horror to write it and nothing is really enjoyable.

I’m fidgety. I can’t think straight when I am reading and I’m having a hard time with it.

I’ve spent a lot of time playing video games lately when I should be reading. That’s helping but I would like to read something and not feel bored.

When I don’t read I feel lazy. I’m getting the editing done but I’m not writing anything new. That’s been and adjustment but I think it’s working for me to edit and move to the next project after I’m done.

I have story ideas, they’re just sitting and stewing.

I hate that I have to read a genre when I’m writing that genre.

It confuses my brain when I don’t and I need less of that as it is.

I’ll be done with the edits on the draft by September. Then I’ll start a new project/

I’ll be querying it the end of October.

But I’ve taken enough time with my meandering through this post.

I nearly forgot about it and stayed up to write it at the last minute.

But I’m getting things done. Hit a personal best at the gym and I’m ready to kill it this fall.

Writing, building blocks, and what makes your voice special.

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A journey can take few weeks, a week, or sometimes years.

This writing journey I’m on has taken me to the lowest places as well as the pinnacle of my thoughts.

I’ve dug through my life for little pieces of stories.

Each piece drips with memories of what where my life was, who was in it, and what music I was listening to.

I pull these pieces out my memory, smashing them together with the characters, and stories I create.

Each one is distinct, functional, and helps me get to the next part of this journey.

The journey, like the writing, never stops, it only pauses.

These pauses are where most of our memories come from.

They are the little glimpses of our childhood. The pain of a lost loved one, or the bitter disappointment of failure.

All of us know what these things fell like.

The way a hospital smells, how a campfire feels, and the way it feels when we’re in the throws of ecstasy with the one we love.

These are the building blocks of stories.

Sure, there can be monsters, aliens, or whatever, but all of them are drawn with the paintbrush of memory.

No one knows what it was like to watch someone die, not from how you viewed it.

Your view of the world is special because it’s your own.

Stories come and go but the way they make you feel or a reader feel, that’s the magic.

It’s exactly why I feel write what you know is bullshit.

It’s write what you’ve felt. Write what you’ve experienced.

Your life experience is what people want to know. It’s what makes us stay up until all hours reading.

It took me a while to understand these things, but now that I know them, they are my gospel.

Go on and live your life. Use it to influence your writing and take note of the little things in your memory. There’s gold in those thoughts.

Finding darkness, embracing it, and keeping going.

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I fell down a rabbit hole recently.

It wasn’t too deep but it got me to thinking about darkness and how I deal with it, hell, how any of us deal with it.

Let’s start earlier.

Since I was a little kid I’ve always liked scary things. I was a vampire almost every Halloween as a kid. When I wasn’t, I was a werewolf.

As I grew up, I watched a lot of horror movies.

I saw Halloween when I was eight, Children of the Corn at about the same age.

Then my sister introduced me to Hellraiser.

Those movies are my go to for anyone who wants to understand me.

Watch the first three and you’ll understand me a bit better. Read Barker’s book, “The Hellbound Heart” and you’ll understand me more.

That erotic, bloody, torturous movie and it’s sequels helped me to find myself.

Now that I’m 43, I think about what type of horror drives me.

It’s visceral. Dark. Dirty.

Sometimes it makes me take a step back. That’s when I know I have something good.

When what I put on the page scares me. Then I have something good.

Pushing the boundaries is what we do. Especially horror writers.

I remember an interview with Stephen King about Pet Semetery. He said that’s one of the books he thought he went too far in.

But can you imagine that book changed? It would mess it up. That book scared the hell out me.

There are so many books where I thought a writer went too far but I can’t imagine the story without those scenes.

I strive to be a good horror writer because I love the dark. I’ve always loved it. Watching a horror movie gives me more joy than almost anything except my wife and kids, though the goods ones eclipse them too.

Reading horror is new to me.

Growing up, my father restricted me to certain types of books. I’ve mentioned this before.

But I would still pick up a copy of Fangoria at the bookstore.

I could watch horror movies when I was a kid, but the books were off limits.

In the last few years I’ve tried catching up on some of the classics. There are a lot of them and I’ve had to be picky.

But a good horror book or movie will always be my favorite. I’d rather watch or read those than anything else.

It makes sense for me to write that stuff.

I love it and it will always be what keeps me going.

When I found my voice.

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There’s this often referred to mystical thing called voice.

It’s talked about in books, podcasts, hell I’ve even seen it referenced in movies.

There are many types of voices within a story. There is the narrative voice, each characters particular voice and then there is the distinctive voice each author gives to the story.

Some authors find it early in the writing career, others keep going and find it after writing 9 books.

It’s taken me to the latter of these.

It was never explained to me what this voice means. It’s difficult to explain.

The only way I can describe it is like this.

When you read a Stephen King book, you know it’s King by his description, by his character creation and the way he handles his monsters.

The same goes for any author. Neil Gaiman is another.

You know his work by the mood he sets in his books.

There is a moodiness or vibe to all of Neil’s books. I’ve loved his writing since Sandman. I’ve read a lot of his books. Anansi Boys is my favorite.

With every author you know that author from how they construct, how they build, how each of their stories flow.

This is what your voice is. I can’t tell you how to find it, only that you will.

You’ll discover it while reading one of your stories. You’ll set it down, step back and wonder when it happened.

It will happen, but you have to keep going to discover it.

When it does, you’ll understand why, and you’ll also understand why other stories didn’t work.

You’ll find it. Keep writing.