Rabbit Holes, Monsters and Finding Things In Dark Places.

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For a long time I’ve thought about who I am, what I want and whether I have the balls to go and get it.

In those moments, thinking about who I am, I thought about the person hidden inside. The monster, because honestly we all have a little monster inside. It’s the thing that keeps us going when the darkness creeps in.

What I want, well, that’s something else. I want what my life deserves, and often that’s in conflict with the perception of who I am, to others I’m perceived as this nice guy, but the monster, well, he’s not happy about that.

There are moments of dissociation, not complete, but enough to know there’s something else…the rabbit hole gets bigger, but it’s also great fun to be the monster, he gets more done, he lets me feel the way I want, and sometimes, though not often, I see the world as it really is, beautiful, with glancing shadows in the brightest spots and chasms of light within the most beautiful of creatures.

The rabbit hole never eats the monster, but the monster is seen licking his lips from the edge, waiting for an emergence.

Who we are isn’t defined by perception, it’s defined by who we want to be, and honestly, isn’t that what really matters?

Dump the Negative and Live The Life You Want.

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We see the darkness, it dances across our eyes. It pleads with our souls and steals our desire.

Within our lives we’re stuck living the life we don’t have, but the thing about being stuck, there’s always a way to get out of it. It takes force, it takes effort, but we have to get through our life, because why should we live life we don’t want?

There are zero reasons to stay in in a job you don’t like. There are zero reasons to live a life that you’re not enjoying.

But, there are things you must do, and a path you must follow.

The first step is clearing all the bad stuff from your life. This could be friends, family and the best way to get rid of these people is to ignore them.

In the social media world, you’re probably connected to people who you don’t talk to on a daily basis. You possibly see their posts on Facebook, Tweets, Snaps, Instagrams, but you keep seeing what their saying.

Their negativity is infecting your soul, filling it with rage, hate, anger and strife.

The faster you rid your life of them, the better you’ll life will be.

It won’t be easy, these are people you care about, but they are infecting your dreams. They’re stopping you from becoming great.

They’re limiting you to be the person you’ve been, when you see someone else you’d want to be.

You know the person, you see them your reflection, your future reflection.

Change your life and live that reflection.

Why I Chose Uncertainty Over Fear.

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When I decided to leave my job after 15 years, there were those who said, “You’ll be back” or “You won’t make it”.

These people were usually the same ones who lived in fear of something daily.

I didn’t listen to them, obviously.

I Listened to the other people. The ones who applauded me, those who cheered for one of their own doing something they all wish they could do, but for their own reasons (family, job and things out of their control) couldn’t do.

Each time someone made a comment about me leaving, I’d notice their tone, and what they said. I also took what I knew about their lives and considered where their words were coming from.

For the majority of them, they were sincere about wanting my happiness, but there’s always the haters. Those who could leave their life and prosper, but out of fear, they’re unable.

Each of these people had things they wanted out of life, but were unable to do.

And for each I wanted them to have a better life. One filled with the things they wanted, the future they deserved and their family deserved.

I also thought, what made me so special?

What made me it possible for me to get out?

You could say it was timing, and you’d be partially right, But still, why am I able to live the life I want, and the one I want for my family?

I didn’t fear the repercussions of my actions.

I didn’t think past the next step in my life.

I knew what I wanted and I went after it.

I reached a point when I faced the fear of uncertainty. I chose to ignore it and do what my heart wanted.

I still get those who applaud me for following my heart, and as for the others, their curiously silent.

Navigating the Waters of Who We Want to Be.

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The more we fight who we are, the harder it becomes to resist the temptation to become that person.

Each new day comes and goes, but within those days the struggle within, the struggle to fight and move on and become the person we should be, that fight becomes more difficult.

The difficulty lies in having the time to digest the new person, peruse who they are and navigate through their mind.

Our digestion of this person is fought on all sides from outside sources. Family and friends are afraid of this person, they don’t know them and their discovery of who we want to be and what we truly want frightens them.

Our perusal of this person and what they represent to our lives is oftentimes destroyed by our glance within. We’ve fought hard to become that person, and the destruction of they’ve wrought leads us to a place we’re unfamiliar with and this scares the hell out of us, and it should, change should scare us.

Like Magellan, we move around the places we don’t want to be, dodging the Horn of Hate, ignoring the Straight of Lost Dreams, until we reach the place we’re supposed to be, sure there will be lost sailors along the way, there may even be lost ships, but reaching the new shore of who we are is worth traveling for.

Never Concede Greatness.

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Never ConcedeFinding the truth about the life I have and the way I see myself has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do.

I see that there are people who’ve doubted me, who cursed me and called me names.

These people are no longer part of my life for a reason, and they’ll never be a part again.

I choose to live this life each day, with my goals in mind, with my wants for myself, my future and who I want to be.

Within me is the person I choose to be, the person that no one seemed to want, for they all said you can’t do it, you can’t be this person, I won’t let you.

Well, when you get to end of your life, what are you thankful for?

What have you truly done to be the person you want and not who others expect.

If there’s anything I regret about living in Las Vegas, it’s that I wanted to be something else, I wanted to be stronger, live better and desired to be a great person.

This greatness wasn’t for narcissism, it was for being thankful for a life I chose, a life I wanted and being the fucking person I wanted and saying the things I wanted.

I don’t blame people, I only blame myself for the lack of courage.

Growth within the soul comes when you’ve reached bottom and crawled out.

I’ve crawled out from the depths of despair and hated myself for getting there.

When I began my journey back, with TM (Transcendental Meditation) guiding my life. I never thought I’d have the courage to leave a job I hated. I never believed I’d change my life and that of my family for the sake of doing and being the person I always wanted to be.

As I crawled out I knew that I would be different and I knew i had to leave Las Vegas, if only to live my life my way and not be forced to live a life I didn’t want anymore.

We truly reach the peak of who we want to be when we’re tired of the bullshit, tired of being something we’re not and find within ourselves the perseverance and courage to face the darkness within.

I know who I am, I’m the comedian, the writer and I love to see people smile when they’re reading a book or laugh when I do a funny voice.

I’m tired of conceding to society and tired of people who want me to be something I’m not.

I refuse to concede my life to people who don’t know me, people who want me to conform the some idea of who they think I am.

If you’ve been away from me for a long time, like a lot of people have, you might not like me, but I don’t care.

I’ve become who I am being away from certain people and they’ll never be in my life again, not because I hate them, but because I life myself more that I love them.