Author Archives: Brian B Baker

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About Brian B Baker

I write horror stories, review books, and talk about depression, and how I get through all of it.

5 Things I Learned About Myself While Battling Depression

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There are little things that happen when you begin to live.

They’re small to others but to those of us who struggle with depression, they’re profound.

Throughout my battle with depression I’ve had things that kept me going, though at a few points they didn’t feel like they were enough.

  1. I’m able understand my children better.
  2. I don’t get angry as often at little things.
  3. I understand my life and how I got to this point.
  4. My wife understands me better.
  5. I know where my limits are and how to manage things better.

In hindsight I should have told my wife or someone how bad things were, but the shame of being male and dealing with depression scared me into being quiet.

Men and boys are told to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves and to never let anyone know we’re hurting.

This causes problems for us and our families.

Oftentimes resulting in tragedy.

Getting through my depression I’ve learned to listen to my body and have it guide me in the direction I need to go.

Depression is one of those things that never truly leaves us. It’s part of who we are and knowing that helps us understand ourselves us better.

Why We Should Ignore The Rainclouds.

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In our lives we discover there are always doubters.

These people believe that because they didn’t, or couldn’t do it, it’s not possible.

The reason they say these things are they tried and gave up on what they wanted.

They saw it ahead of them, but just before they got there it became too hard. They gave up because their will to be someone better wasn’t stronger than being satisfied with the life they had.

Along your journey through life, you’ll meet a lot of these doubters, and they’ll have good stories, but they always end in, “I couldn’t do it anymore”, and that statement is what makes us different from those who, “couldn’t do it anymore.”

They thought because they were near the end, or what they perceived to be the end, it would get easier.

Has life ever gotten easier when you were trying to do something difficult?

Have you ever sat and thought, “Climbing this mountain is going to be easier than the training?” Why do you think that is?

The training prepared you for getting to that mountain, tasting that cold air, feeling that snow on your face and the rocks under your feet. It never did the work for you, it was only practice.

That’s what every moment of your life has been up to the point where you believe you can do great things, practice.

Sure, you’ll deal with difficulties again, but they’ll be easier than the ones when you started.

If you ever think what you’re doing is easy, you’re doing the wrong things and not trying hard enough.

Living the life you want will be difficult, but it will be worth the moments of staying up late, of staying at the gym late, of trying to improve your life.

Each and every moment of your life until you reach your goal is practice, but once you get there, you’ll need to work harder to stay where you’re at, not because it gets easier, but because once you get there, you’ll never want to leave that life again.

How Desire Creates The Possibility Of Your Dreams Them Coming True

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Within the dream of who we are and who we want to be there is something else.

It keeps us wanting more, sometimes it chases us away and then there are other times we live for the day it wants us more.

Desire is something we never think about, especially if we’re not chasing our dreams.

Desire to want more, the desire to stay with those we’ve known for years and then there’s the times we want more out of life.

The dream keeps us going, but the true desire to follow the dream and become the person we knew we could be, that is what life is for, isn’t it?

What we do with our life, and whether we have the true desire to move away, follow our heart and become something else – that, that one thing, that is completely what life is about.

I’ve seen people defeated and giving up on their dreams because their desire is lost. That feeling of, “I’ll never make it” or of “It’s hopeless, I have too many commitments”.

Those things are why you should seek out desire.

When you give up on your dreams, everyone around you sees it, they feel the loss. They may not say anything, but they were hoping for your dreams too. They wanted you to follow your dreams, because that means it’s possible and that just maybe, they can do it too.

Your desire to succeed is fueled by dreams of a better life, of following your heart and of doing the one thing that keeps you awake at night.

You desire to be better, and that’s enough.

How Transcendental Meditation Gave Me Quietude and Courage.

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Courage

There’s this place, it hides behind the trees, bushes and cobwebs of the last forgotten piece of your mind.

It comes into play at certain times in your life. It’s the cornerstone of who you are, but you’ve probably never met, made friends with or celebrated it.

It’s called “Stillness”.

Your stillness, it wants to meet you, but your relationships, jobs and life burden you with attention.

Their attention means more to you than stillness and quietude. Quietude, that’s a word I saw recently and didn’t actually know its meaning.

When I researched the word, I found its meaning was something I’d been embracing in my life for the last year and half.

I’ve done this a few ways:

  • Daily Meditation
  • Removing obstacles that impeded my dreams
  • Removing negativity as much as possible
  • Writing as much as humanly possible
  • Leaving a job that sapped my energy

After doing all of the things I listed above, and some I continue to do, I’ve seen the Quietude fill my life and those I hold dear.

I meditate twice a day for 20 minutes using the Transcendental Meditation (TM) technique of meditation.

I hadn’t done any of these things prior to beginning TM and I feel it is the reason I’ve been able to accomplish these things.

It has centered me, stripped away who I used to be and has given me the courage to not care what people think about me, nor care whether they care at all.

I’ve begun to live the life I’ve always wanted and because of it I’m happier, feel more fulfilled and understand the meaning of the words clarity and quietude.

I have clarity of mind, spirit and soul and quietude gives me the opportunity to see who I could be in the future.

Without TM I never would have had the courage to do any of these things.

Bri

Another from the Asylum Makes Her Entrance.

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Hello,

I guess, that’s how this should go. I know the others have had their say, but, me, I feel that…maybe…possibly, I should do something else.

Cubist is psychotic, Jack is prude and B, well, he’s the ringmaster or the Director of the Asylum that is us.

As for me, I’m Shae. I’ll just leave it as that one word. I think things are about life, death and possibly getting through adolescence, but that’s another story for another day.

I won’t keep you waiting, or write a lot like Cubist, he does that. I’ll just say,

Adieu,

Shae