As I said on Wednesday, a game took away from my writing time.
Oddly enough, this initially happened when I went sober the end of July.
I swapped one addiction for another.
Instead of blinding myself with alcohol, I shut the world off and buried myself in leveling a character online.
This led me to taking up the bottle again the end of October.
I did this for many reasons but mainly because I have always needed to bury my emotions.
It’s been that way for as long as I can remember.
As a teenager, I would keep to myself, not wanting to let the world know how depressed I was. That led to issues with relationships in high school.
I wasn’t mature enough to handle a relationship with myself, much less another person.
Thankfully, as I got older, met my wife, who has kept me safe from my worst tendencies, I was able to understand a few of those things.
But there was always something to subvert, numb, or chasten myself with.
It was either drowning myself in a bottle, burying myself in the pages of a book, delving into online games. In my blindness to these things I kept myself safe from pain.
I was obliterated at times because of family problems.
The bottle has been there since my late teens.
The feeling that one thing gave me led me to run off the tracks and nearly destroyed my marriage.
I try to keep myself safe and I have a tendency to bury myself in things that aren’t as good for me as I would like them to be; the bottle, video games, and other distractions.
I feel it’s necessary to bury myself in one thing that will help me get through all of this. My writing.
Writing gives me a similar high as alcohol, without the side effects.
I have this tendency to latch onto something and it can control and affect my entire world.
I’ve chosen to latch onto my writing and work it for all I can.
I’m sober again and though I’ve fallen I got myself back up.
I pick up the pieces and find new things daily. This journey will lead me to better places and better states of mind. Both of which are needed.
I’ll do my best to write for myself and will continue to write this blog.
The words are important and the message is as well.
I hope you’ll continue to read, continue to follow me on other platforms, but this is where I intend to spend my time.
I have Twitter and Instagram, but I’d rather use this blog. It gives me a bigger space and on days like today I need that.