The point of no return.

There’s a moment when I’m writing and something sinister comes to my mind about the story.

I could do something really messed up to the characters and they have to deal with it. Or, I could not and it won’t be as much fun.

It’s in this part of the story that I realize I can write some twisted things if I just get past the perceived judgment of others

Most of my family wouldn’t read what I write anyway. They don’t like horror or don’t read books.

I used to wonder what someone would think about the story and I would hold back.

Now I write something and think, “damn, that was sick and twisted” and don’t think about what those people think or what they’d say.

If they read it fine, if it freaks them out, even better. But I won’t stand hand on hip waiting for their opinions of what I write as if it’s a reflection of who I am.

It took me a long time to break that thought process and I won’t go back.

I hope you’re all enjoying NaNoWriMo and getting words on the page.

I’m plotting something for a contest and I have words to write.

Rocks, tumbles, and friction.

There’s been a lot of stuff going on in my head lately.

I don’t know how to quantify it.

I’m worried about my writing, my wife, where my head has been and whether I should keep writing.

It all came to head when I broke the other day. I don’t know what caused it but my head felt fractured inside.

It came out of nowhere.

I’ve been trying to focus and I haven’t been able too.

I feel like I’m seeing through a fog and I can’t find my way.

When I sit down and try and work, nothing comes out. The little that does feels forced.

I’ve never had this feeling before and I’m not sure what it’s leading to.

The world is spinning though my mind isn’t on it.

I feel it getting slower until I’m not sure where I’ll get off.

I have to write because it keeps my mind safe and clear. Without the writing I don’t know how to function.

I’ll be okay but right now things feel hard.

Time to buckle down…

Every now and then I see a blog post or tweet from an author where they announce they’ll be mostly absent to finish a certain project.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve considered this as a last resort for myself.

I had issues within my own head to deal with, struggles with writing, and other things.

But I keep coming back to this.

I have this novel to finish by the end of the year, and though I have my bartending job that pays some bills, it’s not where my heart lies.

I also don’t have the exposure, social media following or whatever as these other authors and we’re told to build our brand before publishing, submitting, or the like.

So, I’m going to take a break from the blog and social media to finish this project, get others ready for either publishing or submitting and do what needs to be done.

It may last until the end of the year or not, but I will check in with short posts about how the writing is going, or isn’t, as well as what is going on with the other projects.

I’m not quitting the blog, only refocusing on where it’s more important.

Have a happy next few months.

I found what I was looking for.

Over the last couple of months I’ve been fighting with myself about how I should write.

Should I use and outline? Should I just write?

After two months of barely getting any words, last week I changed to what I was doing before.

I wrote 8 books that way.

So that’s what I’ll be doing from now on.

I’ll also be publishing soon, at least that’s my intention. I may submit the story instead. It’s really good and I feel it’s my best to this point.

I hope you all have a great week. I’m bartending most of this week so I may miss a day on the blog.