Tag Archives: Writer

The definition of happiness…

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For a long time I thought happiness meant the car, the house, the good job.

I stopped thinking that way a while ago.

For me happiness is seeing my wife and kids every day, during daylight hours, sitting and talking with my son and goofing off with him.

It’s my daughter telling me about her dolls, My Little Pony, and what she did in school.

It’s enjoying the things I took for granted.

I took my wife for granted. I expected she’d always be there. There were times when I think about it now, that I was an ass with her and if she’d have left I would’ve deserved it.

It’s about enjoying the life I have and not caring what others think about that life.

It’s about not caring what others think about your life. It’s what you think about it.

It’s taken me a long time to understand this.

I would rather have the life I have. The struggle to pay bills while I write. The late nights bartending, and the mornings where I know the day will be a struggle.

My life isn’t perfect but I love everything about it.

When it’s fun…

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With the passing days, word counts, and life, I find that in pushing harder to get where I want to be, I approach my goals.

I’m writing things that once terrified me.

And it’s not because I write horror.

It’s because the subject matter. The way it’s coming out is defiant of my former self.

I write to make people think.

I write because I love the terrifying parts of the stories.

I continue each day because of those little moments when I catch myself writing.

I’ll look back at the prose and think, “damn, that was good. Keep going like that.”

Those are the moments I relish.

You get to a point you watch your words and think it’s cool and I need to replicate that.

I enjoy writing most when that happens.

This week feels difficult…

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I don’t know whether it’s that I’m stressed and I won’t reach for a bottle or that I’m trying to immerse myself in the current project, but this week feels different. More difficult.

I’ve thought about this over the last week.

I started drafting on Thursday.

This week I’m fully invested in the project after doing the outline, character sketching, and all the other stuff it entails.

So, I’ve been sober for 1 month 25 days.

This is a full time thing. I don’t see myself drinking again.

I may bartend, but I’ll never drink alcohol again.

I used it as a crutch to deal with stress and life for so long it’s difficult to manage things without it.

Though I’m trying.

Fear & Loathing…and writing.

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This week I’ve given into my fears.

I wrote without worry. Making sure to give myself the space I needed. The time I needed and allowed myself to screw up.

All of these have given me more peace in my writing than I’ve felt in a long time.

I finally feel like I don’t have to worry about the way the story is going, even if I feel it’s going off the rails.

I’ll make a note of it and keep writing.

There used to be this feeling of loathing when that what happen.

I’d think, “oh shit, I’ll have to fix that”, and stress over it. This week I haven’t done that.

Every word of the draft has been good and I feel it’s moving in the right direction.

Today I’ll get some set up things done. Make some l headway on certain items, and get the story rolling.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

I’ll be bartending today and tomorrow, but Sunday, we’re going to the state fair.

My wife and daughter have paintings entered in the fair.

Truth & Consequences in Writing.

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I feel that the world in which I write and what I write are corollaries.

They’re connected to each other. They have a connection to who I’ve been.

The reasons I write horror are connected to what is going on around me. The way I deal with the world and how the world deals with me, it’s all connected.

Horror is that genre that defines me. It’s darkness has kept me safe from myself and my depression since I was a teenager.

I watched horror as a kid because it fascinated me. I read it because it scared me and I write it for both of those reasons.

You’d think in a world gone crazy, I’d write something calming. It’s in the darkest places I’ve always found the brightest lights.

The darkness of horror felt safer than the world around me, it still does.

There’s something about being lost in the dark and having something horrifying take you down a spiral of fear.

That spiral doesn’t take you down all the time sometimes it leads you on a merry-go-round.

It turns until you get off but it always turns.

Keep going until the horror stops and you find yourself.