As I wrote on Monday, I’ve learned to understand the process.
Like every kind of relationship, when you get to the right one, you understand why the others never worked.
That’s how I’ve felt over the last week and half.
I built the foundation of the relationship, found common ground, and constructed a blueprint for how to move forward.
I wouldn’t say my process was broken before it just wasn’t the process I needed for my writing.
Now I’m on the real work of the outline.
I’ve created scenes, learned about characters, and quite a bit about myself.
Throughout, I’ve begun to understand the flaws in my other books and why they just weren’t there. It wasn’t that they weren’t good stories, it’s that I didn’t understand how to create the blueprint for them.
Today I’ll spend my time with the outline. Creating things and finding out what is the best use of each set piece, each section of foreshadowing and how to do it properly.
I’m moving forward and that a good thing. I’m still planning on starting the drafting process in October. It will be a Halloween gift to myself.
Outlining and getting things done. That’s all I can think of to write, oh, and there’s this little game called World of Warcraft Classic, that may be the reason this is shorter than my regular posts, but nah.
Anyway, have a good weekend and get things done. I’m bartending this weekend and making some Jerk chicken in the smoker on Monday for Labor Day.
After writing Monday’s post I thought more about the person I write for.
The kid whose parents don’t let them read what they want, the twenty-something writer that only wants to get their foot in the door, the writer and reader I am today.
The kid is the easiest to write for because without restrictions they can read anything.
The twenty-something is a bit more difficult because they want they’re writing to mean something, but they also want to have fun while writing.
The writer and reader I am today is the most difficult.
They’re the person in the mirror and I feel unsure about how to help that person.
Do I write something truly terrifying that maybe an agent may enjoy, or do I write something just to say I have something published?
I think this conundrum bears further exploration and may lead my writing to better places.
It’s difficult for me to write things where it’s truly terrifying because I still worry about judgment. I know I shouldn’t because in the end it’s my name on the book and not the judgmental person but I still worry.
There’s this thing running through my head where I see everyone judging me based upon what I write. It’s the main reason it took me so long to stick with horror.
I’m a dark soul, I always have been. And in that darkness I find solace, peace, and freedom.
It’s why I struggle with depression. It’s why I’ve struggled with alcohol(1 month 4 days sober today)and it’s why I need to just say fuck it and write the darkest and most disturbing story I can.
In that story I feel I’ll find the person who should be writing these stories instead of the person pretending to write.
When I write I feel the world stops. When I write it’s like a dream and I’m within the construct of the world.
Without that edging of my dreams I’d be lost and without the writing and darkness I’d never find my way out.
I keep writing and this time I’ll go the darkest I can and see what slithers out of the nether. It’s in the darkest recesses the writer I know I’m meant to be is hiding.
He’s only afraid to make and entrance.
It’s in the bleakest of moments and darkest of storms we find ourselves.
The storm is still there, it hasn’t passed. I believe it’s only waiting for my decision.
Brian B Baker, Writer 