Tag Archives: Family

How do you measure two years?

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In the last two years I’ve submitted to at least 20 agents, written four novels and at least forty short stories.

Of those novels, one is out with agents currently.

I’m writing another and will complete the first draft by the end of the year.

These last couple of weeks I’ve thought about the last two years and what I’ve done.

Have I loved? Have I taken risks? Have I done things I wouldn’t normally do?

It’s a yes to all of that.

I know that tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I’ll be spending it with my wife and kids.

What I won’t be doing is trying to recover or make up for things I did prior to those two years.

Yes I made mistakes but as I said the other day, I have to move forward.

That forward thinking has led me to great places in my writing. Rewarding places in my life and I won’t let a day go by without working to get better at my craft.

I’ve had to eliminate things lately but with those things gone I have better focus.

Moving forward is not about forgetting, it’s about being who I am for me.

Enjoy your holiday and don’t let a day go by without being thankful for what you have, who cares about you, and trying to secure your goals.

Move forward son, move forward.

You have to move forward

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We all have those moments when we understand that things won’t get done unless we remove things from our lives.

Those things can be people, video games, or other activities.

This on the subject of the ones who choose to leave. Either on their own or when they no longer serve a purpose either in their availability or in their attitude.

They come at you with their falsehoods, their passive-aggressive attitudes and you have to leave them to themselves.

You no longer have patience or time for it and other things are more important to you.

We spend too long in this life ignoring those people and what they represent.

We have to cut them out sooner or later. It’s always better when it’s sooner.

They distract, they disturb and take away from who you want to be. Usually they knew you once but refuse to accept who you are.

When you move forward it will suck for a while but you’re better off with a close circle than those who take away from who you are.

I had planned to take time away from the blog but my thoughts keep pulling me in.

I’m still writing. I submitted to a few agents this past week and will send off more this week.

Have a great rest of your weekend.

Depression and fighting to be myself.

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So I’ve been depressed. You may have noticed.

It’s permeated the blog my personal life and my writing.

It started after I had too much to drink in front of my kids and got sick, so since June.

I don’t usually drink to excess like that and it freaked me out. I stopped for almost 3 months.

Wednesday night I had a drink and it felt good to have it and not care who’s going to judge me for it, I’m at the point I don’t care.

What I have done is make up rules for when I drink.

I can’t have a shot because I’m stressed. I have to deal with my shit and what’s causing me stress.

I can’t use it as medication. Which means when I’m at a family function, I won’t be drinking.

In the past, as I mentioned last week, I’ve done this. I’d drink so I could ignore how people have treated me in the past.

Now I won’t drink or I won’t attend those events.

My wife said it was okay that I wanted to drink and it’s not like I drink to get hammered.

That night in June I drank so I could deal with shit. I had people at that event that I’d either not talk to or that if I said what I really wanted too it wouldn’t go over well.

So, since that event, I’ve barely been writing. It’s not that the alcohol fueled my writing it was that my mind wasn’t there.

I was constantly worrying about drinking and how people would look at me if I went back to it.

After discussing this with my wife she said, “Don’t worry what others think. It’s more important what you think.” And that’s why I’ve been married to this amazing woman for 20 years.

She knows me better than I know myself. She understands me.

She gets it!

Since I accepted that it’s more important what I think, I’ve wrote 6,000 words in two days.

Accepting yourself for who you are, not who others want you to be for their convenience, is a breakthrough for me.

I’m having a better week and I hope you are too.

Getting comfortable

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I have a tendency to stop just before things happen.

With my writing I’ll be doing good, then I back off. I don’t know why but I do.

I get into a comfortable mindset and forget that I’m supposed to be working. I’m supposed to be writing.

I told myself it wouldn’t happen again, and it hasn’t.

Something else has.

I’ve hit a point in my writing where the world I’m creating feels lived in. Feels real and it scares the hell out of me.

It’s the opposite of being comfortable, maybe.

There’s no fear but an absence of worry. I know I’ll get the project done on time. I understand where it needs to go and I’m finally comfortable with it.

I write these stories because the premise intrigues me.

I keep going with them because I made myself a promise to do it.

When I left Las Vegas four years ago I gave myself 5 years to publish a book. At the time it felt realistic.

In the next two months I’ll be doing exactly that.

The book isn’t perfect but I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it.

I’ll have more about that soon. But it will be wide and I hope you enjoy it.

Fury, Obsolescence, and Inner Turmoil

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There’s something about the way the mind feels when it’s under duress. It can go from outright calm to sudden bursts of fury and sometimes it’s unknown which way it will go.

The fury within the mind is a chaotic and disturbing thing. It can lead oneself into the unknown.

There’s a struggle between embracing the fury of calm and taking it outright for what it is.

It is your mind trying to trick you or make your anxiety levels rise.

Those parts of your mind are the righteousness and are formidable.

They will make you disavow what you believe should be the correct choice and you’ll feel devoid of the proper choice.

This unconscious thought makes us all a gear in society as well as the irreverent cog.

We must conquer the fury and use it for our own creative purposes.

Whether we find those purposes worthy is another question.

The obsolescence and immaturity of our mind may not allow this but we must pursue it.

Aim for the fury and fire and keep going.