Tag Archives: depression

This week feels difficult…

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I don’t know whether it’s that I’m stressed and I won’t reach for a bottle or that I’m trying to immerse myself in the current project, but this week feels different. More difficult.

I’ve thought about this over the last week.

I started drafting on Thursday.

This week I’m fully invested in the project after doing the outline, character sketching, and all the other stuff it entails.

So, I’ve been sober for 1 month 25 days.

This is a full time thing. I don’t see myself drinking again.

I may bartend, but I’ll never drink alcohol again.

I used it as a crutch to deal with stress and life for so long it’s difficult to manage things without it.

Though I’m trying.

Fear & Loathing…and writing.

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This week I’ve given into my fears.

I wrote without worry. Making sure to give myself the space I needed. The time I needed and allowed myself to screw up.

All of these have given me more peace in my writing than I’ve felt in a long time.

I finally feel like I don’t have to worry about the way the story is going, even if I feel it’s going off the rails.

I’ll make a note of it and keep writing.

There used to be this feeling of loathing when that what happen.

I’d think, “oh shit, I’ll have to fix that”, and stress over it. This week I haven’t done that.

Every word of the draft has been good and I feel it’s moving in the right direction.

Today I’ll get some set up things done. Make some l headway on certain items, and get the story rolling.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

I’ll be bartending today and tomorrow, but Sunday, we’re going to the state fair.

My wife and daughter have paintings entered in the fair.

Truth & Consequences in Writing.

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I feel that the world in which I write and what I write are corollaries.

They’re connected to each other. They have a connection to who I’ve been.

The reasons I write horror are connected to what is going on around me. The way I deal with the world and how the world deals with me, it’s all connected.

Horror is that genre that defines me. It’s darkness has kept me safe from myself and my depression since I was a teenager.

I watched horror as a kid because it fascinated me. I read it because it scared me and I write it for both of those reasons.

You’d think in a world gone crazy, I’d write something calming. It’s in the darkest places I’ve always found the brightest lights.

The darkness of horror felt safer than the world around me, it still does.

There’s something about being lost in the dark and having something horrifying take you down a spiral of fear.

That spiral doesn’t take you down all the time sometimes it leads you on a merry-go-round.

It turns until you get off but it always turns.

Keep going until the horror stops and you find yourself.

There’s this thing about outlines…

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I always wondered why outlines work for some people but not for me.

I think I cracked the code.

I had a story idea that’s been floating around for a while, six weeks something like that.

A week and a half ago I got out my notebook and started plotting.

I’ve never enjoyed it until this last week and I figured out why.

Before I’d always had either a finished draft or a few chapters written.

This time, I let it breathe. Gave it some room and sat back and let my mind wander on the story.

What I’ve found is I’m pretty good at it and it’s a hell of a lot of fun.

I’m still working through the outline and hope to start drafting in October

I’m not sure I’ve ever had this much fun writing.

I’m still doing the same thing(discovering the story) but it’s more intricate and I feel better about what the final product will be.

It’s going good and I’m having fun.

Outlining and playing Warcraft Classic

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Outlining and getting things done. That’s all I can think of to write, oh, and there’s this little game called World of Warcraft Classic, that may be the reason this is shorter than my regular posts, but nah.

Anyway, have a good weekend and get things done. I’m bartending this weekend and making some Jerk chicken in the smoker on Monday for Labor Day.