Tag Archives: Delusion

Death, Fear And Discovery…

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St. Louis Cemetary No. 2

Death comes only when we’re not expecting it, for those are the times we don’t fear it.

These words have been making the rounds in my head for the last week. I’ve been doing TM for the past four months and though I no longer worry as much about who I am, I do feel myself worrying about others more often.

I’m not sure why, but I feel like there are things in this life which can be solved, not by weapons, callousness or hate, but by wanting to be better than we were yesterday.

Death it seems is something which I’d wanted to do, at least in the early part of this year. It’s now nearly August and I find myself looking to experience new things, take trips places and do the things I’d put off out of fear.

Life it seems is more important to me than it was a year ago, and this past year I’ve lost my grandfather and my wonderful Abigail.

My grandfather was something I saw coming; Abigail, I knew was going to happen soon, but I didn’t want it to. She’d sat by me through all my migraines and now, when I have one, I cast my eyes toward her bed, which still sits in the corner, and I find myself thinking about what a good dog she was and how she came along and helped me get through many things. I think that’s why she lived her 16 years, she was watching over me.

We often hide from the life we have, either in alcohol, drugs, depression or repressed feelings, but today I can honestly say I am living the life I want.

It’s an odd feeling to live the life you want, and not give shit what anyone thinks about you, or your life choices. I discovered that there is only person I need to make happy with my choices, myself and I don’t care for the thoughts of anyone else.

This year I found myself, I wonder what the rest of the year will bring?

 

You Can Do Anything, Remember That.

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What happens to our lives when we stop believing we can do anything?

We see things falling through the cracks. Our lives stare at us from under blackened covers.

We hide from the world within a shadow of the person we want to become, because we’re afraid that person will rock the boat, disturb the world around us, or that we’ll fail.

The shadow is the person we keep ourselves from being for many reasons, but what is it about doing our lives justice that keeps us from wanting the life we owe to ourselves?

The sudden jarring jolt of pain we get thinking about the crashing waves upon the shore of the land we want to live in keep us in hiding, they keep us from doing the creative things, the things which make us alive.

Our life feels under the control of a puppeteer. They pull one string, move one small piece and bam, we’re lost, screwed and destroyed.

When we cut the strings, taking away the feeling of the puppeteer, we find the life we’ve wanted all along, but in cutting those strings we risk ridicule for doing something harder than those around us.

They tell you its impossible, tell you you’re nothing and laugh at you for trying.

These are the people whom you once called friends, they mock you, and do things which, if they were your friends, they wouldn’t do.

The cracks in who we are only visible to us. We see the damage caused, we know the pain we’ve lived through. Those around us only see the shell, we know the person living in the shell.

Who we are isn’t as important as what we do.

Our life is nothing without the failure or without the boat moving through the currents.

We fail, but the important part of failure is we learn. Without learning from our failures nothing happens, we repeat.

The shadow keeping us from being ourselves is nothing but our fear telling us things are impossible, nothing is impossible.

You can do anything, remember that.

 

How TM Allows You to Take Control of Your Life.

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I’m four months on with TM and the main thing I’ve noticed is my ability to recognize myself.

Before TM I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted or whether I wanted anything, this includes to continue living.

I was in the darkest place I’ve ever been in my life, and that scared me enough to try something which some people I know saw as radical, Transcendental Meditation.

I’ve missed a couple of times, mostly because of conflicts with timing, airplane trips and being tired as hell.

Those times were when I noticed a difference, I’m not saying to stop doing it to see what I’m talking about, but I could tell the difference in my temperament and overall mood.

With TM I discovered who I am, what I want and where I want my life to be in a few years.

Before I was under the delusion that I could get myself out of any funk I got into, this includes depression, but I was wrong. My depression was the worst I’ve dealt with and because of that, I had to try TM.

In my first session I learned more about myself in those 20 minutes, than I had in the previous 38 years.

I found peace, for the first time in my life I felt like I could make myself better than I’d been before.

Along the way I’ve learned that focusing on myself, my writing and my family were more important than any distraction caused by my day job.

The delusions I had about my life before TM have been put into perspective as I didn’t know who I was or in what direction I was headed.

The delusion of our life is that it gets better without help, it rarely does.

I discovered my life is more than the person in the body, it’s about the way I want to help others, the things I want to teach others, like TM, and how I want those I care about to discover TM and its benefits.

TM has changed my views on life, family and creativity, but I know I’m on the correct path now, and that’s changed how I run my life instead of it running me.

TM allows you to take control of your life in a way you never thought possible.

 

The 5 Things I Believe Are More Important Since Starting Transcendental Meditation.

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It took a couple of days after TM to sink in that I wasn’t living the way I wanted. I was living cautious. I was living overly cautious.

I hadn’t done the things my wife and I wanted when we first got together. This was because of the fear of being judged by those around us.

If we’d done the things we wanted when we first had our kids, we’d be viewed as bad parents, or may still because we want to do more than walk through our lives, we want to live our lives.

The things we haven’t done which we wanted are many, but we’re going to start doing them.

The important things have been put off for too long because of the fear of being judged.

What was important before TM no longer is, but other things are.

The following is a list of 5 things I believe are more important now that I’m a TM Practitioner.

  1. Always be who you want to be. Being who you want is important to your sanity and to the way your kids view you.
  2. Only do the things which can improve yourself, wife or your kids. Doing things in your life which improve the lives of your family is extremely important to being fulfilled in life.
  3. Never trust someone to do the right thing, you must do the right thing. Though I explored this one already, the Right Thing is what makes you the stronger person.
  4. Be the person you looked up to as a kid. We all viewed someone as that indestructible person, be the way you viewed that person as a kid, never as an adult.
  5. Always go on adventure. This is the biggest one. Adventure keeps us wanting more out of life. It is the spark of inspiration, the never-ending life of who we are. Adventure is always there for you, but taking yourself or family on a trip somewhere is more important than anything you do in life. Take a new adventure every year.

Those around you who don’t think what you’re doing is important, no longer matter.

Go on an adventure, live life your way and don’t care what anyone says about you.

Living The Gift of The Cosmos

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Whatever future, whatever past, each day brings us to the very last.

We see our life, but detest the idea of our death. We wait until the very moment, or near the moment, we’re going to die to make amends.

This ability is purely human.

Does a bird tell the bug sorry for eating it, no. Will the parent of a turtle long-buried in the beach, be sorry for leaving its children on the beach, possibly, but humans are the only creature that is truly sorry for things its done, but we don’t say sorry, and mean it, as much as we should.

Our lives are gasps of air in the middle of a cosmos of gasps. We see the stars overhead, but don’t think about the life we’re living, or how it affects the people around us, not to mention the environment.

Our gasps or air are stories in a cosmos of stories. Our lives, deaths and eventual rebirths, are nothing short of miraculous in a cosmos which pays no mind to person in Africa starving, or to the person in America who is doing the same thing.

The difference between the two is the ability to change the way things are.

We see the stories and the little gasps after they’ve happened, but the problem is, we never understand the reasons for our life, or for why we’re here.

We live in a life where the world changes faster than it has at any other point in history, but we never stop to look around, never think about doing things to help those around us, and oftentimes, we don’t think about those we hurt.

Our little gasps are just that, breaths of air escaping through tubes and chambers underneath our skin, but the act of breathing is something we don’t control, it occurs for us without thinking about it.

In a cosmos full of extraordinary things, we still don’t think about what each breath means or what each day is.

In our world, our life is lived day-to-day, but we don’t think about our life as what encompasses it.

Get through the gasps and stare into the cosmos and see your life for what it is, a gift from the creation of the universe.