Tag Archives: creating

Change, fixing problems, and ignoring what people say.

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I don’t even know where to start with this post.

I’ve had a running commentary for things for so long I don’t know where to narrow this stuff down.

So I’ll start with the relevant things.

I’ve been trying to get past that commentary.

It starts by admitting a few things.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

Words come to me when I don’t expect it and don’t come when I need them too.

This is a regular thing and I’m wondering if this is how it’s supposed to be.

The current project came out of a single thought and idea after bartending an event.

After telling myself to write an outline, I did. I thought after writing 9 books without one, I had to use an outline since none of those books are in print.

But here’s the thing, it had nothing to do with the stories. Some of them are really good.

It has to do with putting in the work.

I didn’t want to do that.

I punked out!

I would choose anything over editing. I would rather rewrite the book than figure out what was wrong with it.

It started to be a joke.

Then, after the last book, I realized I hadn’t found my voice. I didn’t know what I wanted out my writing or anything creatively.

I wanted to be published but didn’t want to do the work it entails.

I wanted the glory, so to speak, without the work.

That’s changed this last weekend.

I realized there are things I have to fix and it’s not having an outline.

Having a premise or idea about what happens is one thing. Have a rough idea of things that will happen, okay. An outline…sucks!

I will construct and idea of what is supposed to happen but planning and plotting are out the window.

I can’t. I’ve tried for three weeks and barely reached 22k, which is slow as hell for me.

Yesterday I gave up on what I had in the outline and just wrote. It was incredible!

I’ll do that from now on.

Health, work, chaos…

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Whether you’ve only started to follow me or you’re a long time reader, you may have noticed a few things.

I don’t talk about TM as much. It’s still a part of my every day life, but I don’t bring it up as much as I once did.

I’ve devoted the blog more to writing, mental health, and a few other things.

There are many reasons for this, but the main reasons are that they are what is important to me at the moment.

Writing will always be the focal point of the blog, but mental health as well as my sobriety are important as well.

I’ve taken to writing about these things because I feel mental health and sobriety go hand-in-hand with each other. You can’t deal with one without talking about the other.

My sobriety is something that came about because life changes us. It keeps us going, but we have to find new ways to deal with shit in the interim.

I used alcohol to deal with family. I’d numb myself with it so I wouldn’t say something I really wanted to. I’d use it as family events so I would keep my mouth shut even though my head was screaming for me to say something.

It’s a daily struggle to keep on topic lately with my writing. My mind has been rather chaotic lately and it’s why I write about my mental health.

Keeping my mind fresh, but writing, reading, doing complicated tasks, helps me with the chaos, and keeping the chaos from overwhelming me.

I’ve been enjoying the current project, though it has been a struggle some days to get words. I’m on the turn with it and started a new section, which will help with writing.

I will have something out soon about it, though I’m finding it difficult to put a few things in words on this blog as well as other places I post, Instagram, Twitter, but I promise I’ll keep going with the blog. It keeps me focused in a way that I haven’t been and it gives me a place to vent as well as to keep things focused. It also gives me a schedule to follow, which is becoming more important.

When I don’t follow a schedule, things go off the rails. I’ve missed the gym this week because I’ve been bartending. I need those events, but I also need the structure and regiments of the gym to keep me going. It gives me structure and focus.

But have a great weekend.

Struggling to write and getting my focus back.

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Over the weekend my writing hit a snag.

I did good last week. I hit goals, even after I had to rewrite the opening to chapters.

Those rewrites were needed as the POV changed.

I was early in the drafting process and it felt stilted. I felt like the story wasn’t coming across the way I wanted it too. The MC(Main Character) wasn’t coming through in the ways I wanted him too.

I’d written a few thousand words at that point and decided the story was worth it. So I changed the POV. But that’s not why I hit snag.

The story went off script. I have a good outline but the story decided to go down another path.

There are parts of the story I’d forgotten to put in when I made the outline. Things that happen in the certain situation I’ve put these characters in. I had to go back and put them in the situation. It was a needed thing. I didn’t plan for this in the outline and now I feel like it’s taken on a life of its own.

I’m trying not to get frustrated but I’ve taken the last two days off from writing to think about the story. I have to consider the options in the story.

Do I go down one road, maybe it leads to something good, maybe not? Do I let the story go the direction it wants or do I rein it in?

It is a first draft and there will be a few other drafts afterwards and I think I’ll let the story run for a while. See where it goes. I can always eliminate the direction in a later draft if it takes me to dead end.

I’m tired of dead ends. It’s the reason I wrote a damn outline.

My focus has been on other things and I’m working to get it back on track. I haven’t been reading as much as usual and that leads me to dead ends.

Reading keeps me focused and I’m getting back to that.

Today, I’ll be getting back to those things and working on figuring this thing out.

I’ve also begun to do research reading for one of the topics for the project. It’s taking me in directions I’ve never thought of. It’s also heartbreaking to read some of it.

But I’ll leave that out.

Happy writing

When I found my voice.

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There’s this often referred to mystical thing called voice.

It’s talked about in books, podcasts, hell I’ve even seen it referenced in movies.

There are many types of voices within a story. There is the narrative voice, each characters particular voice and then there is the distinctive voice each author gives to the story.

Some authors find it early in the writing career, others keep going and find it after writing 9 books.

It’s taken me to the latter of these.

It was never explained to me what this voice means. It’s difficult to explain.

The only way I can describe it is like this.

When you read a Stephen King book, you know it’s King by his description, by his character creation and the way he handles his monsters.

The same goes for any author. Neil Gaiman is another.

You know his work by the mood he sets in his books.

There is a moodiness or vibe to all of Neil’s books. I’ve loved his writing since Sandman. I’ve read a lot of his books. Anansi Boys is my favorite.

With every author you know that author from how they construct, how they build, how each of their stories flow.

This is what your voice is. I can’t tell you how to find it, only that you will.

You’ll discover it while reading one of your stories. You’ll set it down, step back and wonder when it happened.

It will happen, but you have to keep going to discover it.

When it does, you’ll understand why, and you’ll also understand why other stories didn’t work.

You’ll find it. Keep writing.

Rewiring my brain.

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I’ve recently converted to outlining. It’s been hard. There haven’t been any knocks on the door about changing, but I’ve been working on fixing the way my brain works.

Having been a pantser, discovery writer, I’ve had to funnel information into my brain differently. I also have to block my brain from yelling, “NO, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG,” which has have been the most difficult.

Once you convert things get hard. I fight myself every day over just doing the way I used to. But it doesn’t work, like I said Monday, maybe it never really has.

I’m down a new rabbit hole. There is nothing but my the other side of my brain telling me, “you can’t go on like this and expect to get where you want to be.”

That voice is the same one I heard on a 9th grade English test. It was supposed to be a story using the spelling words, I forgot to use the words and still got an A on it.

That little voice told me to keep going.

At 23, the voice resurfaced. But I kept writing by the seat of my pants.

It’s 20 years later, and I realized something has to change.

This week I’ve been working through the fantasy book I wrote last December. I’m outlining it, as I should have done.

Trying to wrap my mind around this process after writing another way for 20 years has been difficult, but I know the book will be better this way.

Once I start the drafting process I’ll know how I’ve done.

That I had to change is one of those things you don’t understand at the time, but I know I had to do it.

I’m working my way through the books I have on outlining and beat sheets. I have a few of them. They’re helping.

I’m going through those to find my way to the end.