The problem of being an unpublished writer it there isn’t a metric of comparison. I can’t compare myself to my writing idols, they have something I don’t.
This weekend, after I reconciled with myself about my actions, I thought about my work ethic.
Have I been working hard enough to get published? Am I focusing properly? Is there something more I could be doing?
I realized there are a few things I’m not doing and some I’m not doing enough of. There are streams of sunlight at the end of each storm, but we tend to think of the storm, what it did, how it wrecked us, but we don’t think about the clean up. We’re too focused on the storm.
The storm struck me this past weekend. It made me question my writing, it made me question myself.
For me and my struggles with depression, this is a dangerous road to travel. Much like sandbags along a river, I have to set up markers and ways to stop the progress of doubt and feelings the stop or hinder me.
These markers usually work, but this one, it’s taking things away from me.
I’m working to get through it. I stare at the keys when I’m writing and wonder if I should keep going. I get words, but are they good enough?
I feel my writing is good. I’ve improved greatly over the last eighteen months. But the doubt crept in. The sandbags filled with water and the dam broke.
Life tosses us through the storm, the sandbags break, the water spills over the dam, but we keep going because that’s who we are and that’s what we do.
But sometimes, the dam breaking hurts. It causes us to question where we’re going.
I’m struggling a bit this week. It’s been a while since I have, but putting it on the page for the world to see and for the world to know helps me get through it.