Continuing, finding me, and the path to where I need to be.

I find writing more enjoyable when there are other things going on in my head. Let’s take yesterday as an example.

I bartended last night, had writing to finish or continue(not sure which it is day-to-day)and I discovered that I got better, more focused work.

This comes as I’m trying to find a story for compilation I’m submitting to.

I’ve written two and started a third. It doesn’t need to be ready to go until the end of January, but I’m trying to find a story that fits and the best way for me is to write a few until something clicks.

That click hasn’t happened, though I’ve written two short stories, very short. One is under 1,000 the other is just over. I’m trying to get one that’s about 5-6k then I can clean it up in editing.

I’ll keep going, keep on the path and find where I need to be in my writing and life. I’ve found a few things that are working and others that aren’t. It’s all trial and error. But I’ll get there.

Have a good weekend.

The point of no return.

There’s a moment when I’m writing and something sinister comes to my mind about the story.

I could do something really messed up to the characters and they have to deal with it. Or, I could not and it won’t be as much fun.

It’s in this part of the story that I realize I can write some twisted things if I just get past the perceived judgment of others

Most of my family wouldn’t read what I write anyway. They don’t like horror or don’t read books.

I used to wonder what someone would think about the story and I would hold back.

Now I write something and think, “damn, that was sick and twisted” and don’t think about what those people think or what they’d say.

If they read it fine, if it freaks them out, even better. But I won’t stand hand on hip waiting for their opinions of what I write as if it’s a reflection of who I am.

It took me a long time to break that thought process and I won’t go back.

I hope you’re all enjoying NaNoWriMo and getting words on the page.

I’m plotting something for a contest and I have words to write.

Finished something.

The story I’ve been writing and expected to be a novel, closed itself out on Friday.

I thought it would be longer but now I have another project I’ll be working on as well as submitting a novel and short story.

Happy Monday.

Finding the dark and harnessing it.

I’ve been listening to “Relentless” by Tim S. Grover for the last few days. This book is my go to when I’m having issues with life and writing. It’s my centering book.

The thing is, I shouldn’t need to be centered.

I thought a while about his dark side talk.

I think about it every time I listen and I’ve realized what mine is, but I’m not going to get into that.

This thing keeps me going, makes my mind straight and keeps life in perspective as well as keeping my goals centered.

When I listen to it Audible, what he says repairs where my head has been, what has been focusing on and kicks the bullshit to the curb.

It’s all mostly bullshit by the way.

The lack of focus and the way our mind distributes things causes hazards and it’s those hazards that divert our focus.

Come back to your focus. Come back to your goals and use that dark side.

Everyone has one.

We all use it to get through the asshole in line at the grocery store, the fights with family members and we use it to keep our heads straight.

Keep going.

Rocks, tumbles, and friction.

There’s been a lot of stuff going on in my head lately.

I don’t know how to quantify it.

I’m worried about my writing, my wife, where my head has been and whether I should keep writing.

It all came to head when I broke the other day. I don’t know what caused it but my head felt fractured inside.

It came out of nowhere.

I’ve been trying to focus and I haven’t been able too.

I feel like I’m seeing through a fog and I can’t find my way.

When I sit down and try and work, nothing comes out. The little that does feels forced.

I’ve never had this feeling before and I’m not sure what it’s leading to.

The world is spinning though my mind isn’t on it.

I feel it getting slower until I’m not sure where I’ll get off.

I have to write because it keeps my mind safe and clear. Without the writing I don’t know how to function.

I’ll be okay but right now things feel hard.

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