Tag Archives: self-improvement

A beginning and an endpoint.

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When I started writing I felt lost.

I didn’t know how to do this thing.

For years I wrote like my favorite authors. I thought if they can do it by the seat of their pants, why can’t I?

What I really learned is that you have to be honest with yourself about the craft.

Are you getting rejections because of how you write?

I hadn’t thought about this until after I wrote nine books.

I believed that my writing as it was should be good enough to get published. That wasn’t the case.

The truth is, the story meandered through each chapter never finding a true foothold(even after subsequent drafts).

It was only after I thought of quitting that I started to really think about outlining.

When you’re at the bottom and you feel lost, you have to try something different.

I was fearful of outlining because I’d tried it before. It was when I was new to having the time to write and I wanted to get it on the page as fast as possible.

I only wanted to see words on the page.

It hurt to have to take a step back and reevaluate what I wrote, how I wrote, and why I wrote.

All of this was difficult and hard on my ego but I want to be published more than anything.

When you want something bad enough and what you’re doing isn’t working you have to fix it.

I fixed it!

The hardest things are always the most difficult, but also the most rewarding in the end.

There’s this thing about outlines…

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I always wondered why outlines work for some people but not for me.

I think I cracked the code.

I had a story idea that’s been floating around for a while, six weeks something like that.

A week and a half ago I got out my notebook and started plotting.

I’ve never enjoyed it until this last week and I figured out why.

Before I’d always had either a finished draft or a few chapters written.

This time, I let it breathe. Gave it some room and sat back and let my mind wander on the story.

What I’ve found is I’m pretty good at it and it’s a hell of a lot of fun.

I’m still working through the outline and hope to start drafting in October

I’m not sure I’ve ever had this much fun writing.

I’m still doing the same thing(discovering the story) but it’s more intricate and I feel better about what the final product will be.

It’s going good and I’m having fun.

Writing, building blocks, and what makes your voice special.

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A journey can take few weeks, a week, or sometimes years.

This writing journey I’m on has taken me to the lowest places as well as the pinnacle of my thoughts.

I’ve dug through my life for little pieces of stories.

Each piece drips with memories of what where my life was, who was in it, and what music I was listening to.

I pull these pieces out my memory, smashing them together with the characters, and stories I create.

Each one is distinct, functional, and helps me get to the next part of this journey.

The journey, like the writing, never stops, it only pauses.

These pauses are where most of our memories come from.

They are the little glimpses of our childhood. The pain of a lost loved one, or the bitter disappointment of failure.

All of us know what these things fell like.

The way a hospital smells, how a campfire feels, and the way it feels when we’re in the throws of ecstasy with the one we love.

These are the building blocks of stories.

Sure, there can be monsters, aliens, or whatever, but all of them are drawn with the paintbrush of memory.

No one knows what it was like to watch someone die, not from how you viewed it.

Your view of the world is special because it’s your own.

Stories come and go but the way they make you feel or a reader feel, that’s the magic.

It’s exactly why I feel write what you know is bullshit.

It’s write what you’ve felt. Write what you’ve experienced.

Your life experience is what people want to know. It’s what makes us stay up until all hours reading.

It took me a while to understand these things, but now that I know them, they are my gospel.

Go on and live your life. Use it to influence your writing and take note of the little things in your memory. There’s gold in those thoughts.

Drafting, sobriety, and exercise issues.

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I’m on week 2 of drafting. Week 3 of my new workout routine and started week four of being sober.

There have been hiccups in the drafting, that’s normal.

My new workout has kicked my ass and I’m not sure how long I can sustain its intensity levels.

The sobriety thing has been good. Sleeping better, mind clearer. You’d think that would help with my drafting but nope. At least not now.

I’m working on what I have in my head and what isn’t there has been the difficult part.

I wrote down what happens but I still have to write it.

I’m also going through the book I finished in June.

It’s been a pleasant and enjoyable surprise.

Have a good midweek.

When we know what works and what doesn’t.

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For the last three weeks I’ve been trying to outline.

I’ve read through the books I have on the subject and the ones I have about beat sheets.

This week I reached a point where reality smacked me in the face. I stared at what I had and tried to write from the outline, then it started to go in another direction.

This is what always happened when I was writing into the dark. But I know this story.

I wrote it as a short story last year. I always wanted to turn it into a novel. My writing group didn’t like the story. It was too dark, too disturbing.

I think that’s why I wrote the fantasy novel.

They write fantasy and sci-fi, I’ve said how much I struggle to write in those genres.

But they didn’t get the story, they don’t read horror.

I was trying to placate them, but in doing that I stopped doing what I enjoyed, horror.

But back on track to the point of this.

I’ve tried really hard over the last three weeks to pull this off and the writing is terrible.

It feels stilted and boring. And the biggest thing of all, I haven’t been having fun.

I usually enjoy my time in the chair. The last three weeks felt like torture.

Yesterday, I wanted to try something out.

An experiment if you will.

I started writing, putting the outline away, and I busted out a bunch of words and it was fun.

I understand I write this way for a reason. It feels comfortable and I don’t worry about sticking to an outline.

I know this story, so maybe that’s why I’m having an easier time. I know what happens and when. I know the ending, understand the characters and love the scary parts.

When I get a new idea maybe I’ll outline that, but for now, with this story, I’ll write it like this.

I also realized that it hasn’t been the drafting part I’m horrible at, it’s the editing.

I even asked questions on Reddit about it.

Understanding where my writing fails is important. It gives me something to work towards. It allows me to improve.

I write into the dark, discovery write, or pantsing because that feels most comfortable when I’m drafting a story. But when it comes to editing, I suck.

Now I know the problem and I’ll be working on fixing it.

These last three weeks also took me back into the pit of depression. That’s a place I’ve fought to stay out of.

I’ve been stressed over this outline business more than anything in a long time. Now I’m moving forward, my way, because I have to.q

Have a good weekend and I’ll see you Monday.