
Braking down…



The last couple of weeks I talked about writing 86,000 words, and how I overcame narration issues.
What I haven’t talked about is my journey to get where I am.
I used to talk about depression.
How I fight with it, how I get through it every day, and how my life has changed because of the TM technique.
I want to move away from TM, not because I stopped, I never will, but because writing about TM isn’t my focus.
I write stories because its one of the couple of things I’m decent at, making cocktails, and baking the others.
I feel better after writing than at any time during my day. When I edit, sometimes I feel that way, though it is editing so its not always sunshine and rainbows.
I have goals for this year.
I’ll be working on them one at a time. I have books to publish this year. Last year I didn’t understand a couple of things. It took me longer to figure out how to fix certain areas of my writing. Narration was one I spent a few months adjusting.
Today, as the years moves forward, I know better about how to write and I’ll keep going.
The process it different than it used to be. Writing a lot of words wasn’t something I’d ever done. But things change.
As humans we can either change things or left hoping the world changes for us. Here’s a hint, it never will. We have to change, we have to do the work.
What are you doing to change, either in your life, writing, or other things? Tell me about it.

There are moments in life when we’re taking our time, creating things, and something from our past rears its ugly head.
This happened the other day.
I’ve written since middle school. It’s only been in the last five years I decided to take my writing seriously. The main reason I decided to pursue my writing full-time is that of my wife’s encouragement.
Before that time I’d only done it on the side and never considered my writing worthy of publication.
Then, something happened. Someone told me I’d never be a writer. That I’d never do what I love doing. It was a hard blow. Afterward, I contemplated a lot of things, suicide one of them.
Then, I realized something. That person didn’t know who I was and had no interest in discovering the person I was.
It wasn’t that they said those words, it was more that I took it to heart. I believed them. I felt like they were right about me.
Today, life is different. I understand that person didn’t know me and never cared to.
Without my wife’s encouragement, I’m not sure I would have continued to write.
I’m at a crossroads with my writing. Do I keep going, take a chance, and struggle a little more or do I quit?
After all, I’ve done in my life I only have a couple of things I’m proud of: My wife, my kids, and my writing.
I’ve written seven novels, over a hundred short stories but I haven’t published any of them. Maybe that person’s words influenced my thinking for a few years afterward. Now, I don’t feel that way.
The road used to be cluttered with doubt and fear. Today, I that same road is full of possibilities.
I’ve found the way through. I found it on my own and now it’s time to crush it.

When you feel life slipping and your goals trying, you have to understand that the world is difficult.
The difficulty of this life is that we have to get through it in any way possible.
Our any way possible can be whatever but our decisions along the road to our goals determines longevity.
I don’t usually think about these decisions but something changed. I’m not sure of the content of the change, but I do know it’s effects.
I’m aware of where my writing is going but there are times I’m unsure. I believe it’s impossible to be completely sure of our course. It’s not something we plan; only what we create.
I’ve written stories which were difficult to write and others I had no idea whether I’d come out the other side intact.
We get to where we need to be by working. There is nothing else.

I’ve been away from the blog for a while, but I have been writing.
I’ve been submitting stories, getting rejections and contemplating life outside of writing. That doesn’t mean I intend to quit.
I’ve been think about whether I’m working hard enough to achieve my goals. The conclusion is, I haven’t. I don’t edit after I’ve finished something. I let it gather on my hard drive, sometimes never to see the light of day.
There is a problem, as you’ve all guessed, in this. It makes it look like I’m not producing when I am. I wrote 25 short stories over the summer, finished a novel and started querying another.
I hate editing more than almost anything except spiders. I’m working to break myself of this.
I started the read-through for the novel I finished this summer and started editing short stories as well. The writing group I joined is helping immensely.
My goal was to be published this year, it’s still my goal but publication may look different from what I thought it would be.
Anyway, happy writing. I’m still here just busy with writing and bartending.