Within the dreams of men, are the shattered worlds of forgotten lands.
We see the truth come through in shattered waves. Remnants of worlds fill the chasm of the lost.
It appears before us in great swaths of color and enormous blankets of red and gold illuminate the world around us.
Once these worlds are hidden, they know no futureĀ or care to have any.
Seeing the dreams of men, that is a falsehood that many don’t care to divulge.
I know the dreams of men and they’re filled with blood.
For over 11 years I’ve been struggling to write I’ve written two novels, over 50 short stories and stopped and started numerous others.
I did all of this while working 40 hours a week, struggling with migraines, depression and maintaining a relationship with my wife and kids.
I did all these things, but I never felt complete in who I was.
I know a lot of it had to do with that little voice in my head.
The one with my dad’s voice saying, “I wasn’t good enough” or ” I would never be a writer.”
Guess what, I’m a writer!
I’ve talked about the conversation my wife and I had about leaving Vegas, and how I would be able to write full-time and do another job to bring in money until my writing brought in money.
I am sitting here, telling you that not only did this happen, but in a couple months I’ll begin sending out a manuscript to agents.
Yes, I am a certified writer.
I have set schedule of taking the kids to school, getting a few thousand words in the afternoon, picking the kids up from school and eating dinner with my family.
There are a few nights during the week when I pour alcohol for corporate events, weddings and other such things for extra money, but writing is my main gig.
Here’s how we were able to do all of this:
We’ve been in our new environment for 2 months, we have zero credit card debt bought a new house with money we’d saved and I’m able to work 2-3 days a week to supplement our income.
It helps that my wife has a great job, good health care plan and makes a decent amount each month. Without any of this we wouldn’t have been able to move.
I am now able to do what I want, spend time with my family and get out of the house a few nights a week.
After following the plan I’m able to be a mostly stay at home dad.
My wife works from home, so she doesn’t commute and when I’m doing the events she’s home with the kids.
You can truly do what you want if you have a plan.
There is a moment as a writer when you realize what it takes to get where you want to be.
You’ll be sitting, writing and thinking about other things, or you’ll be editing. And it will hit you.
I realized that to get where I wanted to be as a writer, I’d need time to myself. Not just any type of time, but silent time.
When you have young kids it’s difficult to find that time, but my wife gives me the time I need to get a few thousand words down every day on novels, short stories and poetry.
What it takes is drive. It takes mental strength and the ability to put the bullshit people tell you about who you are in the farthest recesses of your mind and lock it away.
You have to want to succeed. You have to want to see your book in a book store.
You have to want this bad enough to wake up tired and fall asleep exhausted.
When your family sees you come out of your writing cave their remarks should be, “I didn’t know you were home” or “How long have you been in there?” The second question should have you wondering what they’ve been doing.
If you’re willing to work, and work hard for what you want, you can do what you want.
It took me a while to understand how hard I’d truly have to work. You can’t half-ass it, you really have to want it, and want it bad enough to change the way you look at everything in your life.
If you really want to be a writer, you must create a schedule and stick to it.
But most important, you must write. From writing you learn and get better.
An athlete practices, which is exactly what writing is. Every time you write you get better.
I learned a lot on my path to being a writer, but most importantly, I learned you have to work harder than you have for anything.
Write and get better.
There are little things that happen when you begin to live.
They’re small to others but to those of us who struggle with depression, they’re profound.
Throughout my battle with depression I’ve had things that kept me going, though at a few points they didn’t feel like they were enough.
In hindsight I should have told my wife or someone how bad things were, but the shame of being male and dealing with depression scared me into being quiet.
Men and boys are told to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves and to never let anyone know we’re hurting.
This causes problems for us and our families.
Oftentimes resulting in tragedy.
Getting through my depression I’ve learned to listen to my body and have it guide me in the direction I need to go.
Depression is one of those things that never truly leaves us. It’s part of who we are and knowing that helps us understand ourselves us better.
In our lives we discover there are always doubters.
These people believe that because they didn’t, or couldn’t do it, it’s not possible.
The reason they say these things are they tried and gave up on what they wanted.
They saw it ahead of them, but just before they got there it became too hard. They gave up because their will to be someone better wasn’t stronger than being satisfied with the life they had.
Along your journey through life, you’ll meet a lot of these doubters, and they’ll have good stories, but they always end in, “I couldn’t do it anymore”, and that statement is what makes us different from those who, “couldn’t do it anymore.”
They thought because they were near the end, or what they perceived to be the end, it would get easier.
Has life ever gotten easier when you were trying to do something difficult?
Have you ever sat and thought, “Climbing this mountain is going to be easier than the training?” Why do you think that is?
The training prepared you for getting to that mountain, tasting that cold air, feeling that snow on your face and the rocks under your feet. It never did the work for you, it was only practice.
That’s what every moment of your life has been up to the point where you believe you can do great things, practice.
Sure, you’ll deal with difficulties again, but they’ll be easier than the ones when you started.
If you ever think what you’re doing is easy, you’re doing the wrong things and not trying hard enough.
Living the life you want will be difficult, but it will be worth the moments of staying up late, of staying at the gym late, of trying to improve your life.
Each and every moment of your life until you reach your goal is practice, but once you get there, you’ll need to work harder to stay where you’re at, not because it gets easier, but because once you get there, you’ll never want to leave that life again.
Brian B Baker, Writer 