Category Archives: Mental Health

Not sure what’s wrong…wait…

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Yesterday I got stuck.

It’s the outline. It’s the following the outline, it trying to remain rigid with the outline and the whole thing makes me want to toss all of the 18,000 words I’ve written.

But I won’t.

I’m past doing those kinds of things.

I don’t act out in anger I think about what’s wrong and try to rectify it.

But I’m kind of to the point I wonder whether I did something wrong at some point.

I love the story and I’m trying to wrap my head around what’s gone wrong.

The truth is, I know what it is. I understand why it’s happening but it frustrates the hell out of me anyway.

I know the outline is messing with my head. I know it’s making me write things that aren’t where I want the story to go, but I continue with it because I promised myself I would use an outline.

I think those days are passed.

I’ll use it as a base but will write whatever the hell I want.

Thanks for coming to my therapy session.

Health, work, chaos…

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Whether you’ve only started to follow me or you’re a long time reader, you may have noticed a few things.

I don’t talk about TM as much. It’s still a part of my every day life, but I don’t bring it up as much as I once did.

I’ve devoted the blog more to writing, mental health, and a few other things.

There are many reasons for this, but the main reasons are that they are what is important to me at the moment.

Writing will always be the focal point of the blog, but mental health as well as my sobriety are important as well.

I’ve taken to writing about these things because I feel mental health and sobriety go hand-in-hand with each other. You can’t deal with one without talking about the other.

My sobriety is something that came about because life changes us. It keeps us going, but we have to find new ways to deal with shit in the interim.

I used alcohol to deal with family. I’d numb myself with it so I wouldn’t say something I really wanted to. I’d use it as family events so I would keep my mouth shut even though my head was screaming for me to say something.

It’s a daily struggle to keep on topic lately with my writing. My mind has been rather chaotic lately and it’s why I write about my mental health.

Keeping my mind fresh, but writing, reading, doing complicated tasks, helps me with the chaos, and keeping the chaos from overwhelming me.

I’ve been enjoying the current project, though it has been a struggle some days to get words. I’m on the turn with it and started a new section, which will help with writing.

I will have something out soon about it, though I’m finding it difficult to put a few things in words on this blog as well as other places I post, Instagram, Twitter, but I promise I’ll keep going with the blog. It keeps me focused in a way that I haven’t been and it gives me a place to vent as well as to keep things focused. It also gives me a schedule to follow, which is becoming more important.

When I don’t follow a schedule, things go off the rails. I’ve missed the gym this week because I’ve been bartending. I need those events, but I also need the structure and regiments of the gym to keep me going. It gives me structure and focus.

But have a great weekend.

Writing, Different Opinions, and Mental Health

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The past week has seen some differing developments.

I’ve been trying to work on the draft, having issues with following the outline(the damn story wants to go in other places), my head has been out of place and though I’ve been working on it it continuously wants to take me to other places.

I was able to have some fun this last weekend with my wife.

We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary by going to a concert. It was the first time I’d been to concert since going sober and it was difficult.

I enjoyed the music, the complexity of the lights, the way the show progressed and being able to see the show without worrying about whether I’d wake up with a hangover.

I’ve been away from the blog for a few days because I needed a mental health break.

I’ve been working on doing a few things to improve things mentally and I had a breakthrough about it.

I wondered about a few things for a while and am still up in the air over them.

My opinions on my writing have changed and although I’ve struggled to get words on the page, most of what I’ve written has been good. Which I’m very happy with.

Life moves through us and we find that things aren’t what they seem. Sometimes we go through things in a way that leads us to where we want to go and other times we have to work at getting there harder than we thought we would.

This week has been one of those situations.

I’m good, just working through some shit. Trying to get my focus back, which has been lacking.

I’m bartending a lot more than usual and I’m trying to focus on my writing at the same time. This is harder than I thought it would be and while my focus has been off, I’ve been trying to get the words on the page so they make sense. I think I’ve done well on that part.

The story has been good and feels personal. I like the MC and where it’s going even if it trails off sometimes.

But I have to get things done before I head off to an event. I have five days this week, which will be great for the bank account.

Have a good mid-week.