Category Archives: Life

How I Was Able to Write Full-Time.

Posted on by
1


For over 11 years I’ve been struggling to write I’ve written two novels, over 50 short stories and stopped and started numerous others.

I did all of this while working 40 hours a week, struggling with migraines, depression and maintaining a relationship with my wife and kids.

I did all these things, but I never felt complete in who I was.

I know a lot of it had to do with that little voice in my head.

The one with my dad’s voice saying, “I wasn’t good enough” or ” I would never be a writer.”

Guess what, I’m a writer!

I’ve talked about the conversation my wife and I had about leaving Vegas, and how I would be able to write full-time and do another job to bring in money until my writing brought in money.

I am sitting here, telling you that not only did this happen, but in a couple months I’ll begin sending out a manuscript to agents.

Yes, I am a certified writer.

I have set schedule of taking the kids to school, getting a few thousand words in the afternoon, picking the kids up from school and eating dinner with my family.

There are a few nights during the week when I pour alcohol for corporate events, weddings and other such things for extra money, but writing is my main gig.

Here’s how we were able to do all of this:

  • We saved up enough to get us through the rough patches of moving.
  • We got the kids into a good charter school.
  • We paid off the majority of our debt, including credit cards.
  • I got a job, though it took longer than expected.

We’ve been in our new environment for 2 months, we have zero credit card debt bought a new house with money we’d saved and I’m able to work 2-3 days a week to supplement our income.

It helps that my wife has a great job, good health care plan and makes a decent amount each month. Without any of this we wouldn’t have been able to move.

I am now able to do what I want, spend time with my family and get out of the house a few nights a week.

After following the plan I’m able to be a mostly stay at home dad.

My wife works from home, so she doesn’t commute and when I’m doing the events she’s home with the kids.

You can truly do what you want if you have a plan.

Why Childhood Defines Us.

Posted on by
Reply

Within the time we’re allowed to concern ourselves with who we are, life moves past us and concerns itself with trying to take us down.

We decide to be the person we are because of what we’ve struggled through. This leads us to concern ourselves with what makes the rest of the world appear as a burned out shell of what our childhood self remembers.

Our childhood self doesn’t understand who we are, only what they’ve seen.

We look at our childhood self, their struggles, pains and regrets, mostly the pains, and see the road our mind took to keep us alive through it all.

Trauma deals a blow to who we thought we were as kids.

Sometimes the memories come flooding back and we’re stuck with them for a few days.

They’re reminders of the life we had, the people we once loved. Then there are those who left us with our tires flat, engine dead and no transmission on the side of the road.

Those people created us more than any others.

They’re the reason we struggle to be someone, not to prove them wrong, not anymore, but to make sure they see our bright shining star.

They’ll take notice, but we’re usually past giving a shit.

We’ll see them watching, but when they approach with their tow truck, we’ve already bought a new car and driven off.

Moving off from the damage of childhood makes us stronger, keeps us working towards being better and it defines our purpose.

What have you done to define your purpose?

When You Realize What It Takes To Do What You Want.

Posted on by
Reply


There is a moment as a writer when you realize what it takes to get where you want to be.

You’ll be sitting, writing and thinking about other things, or you’ll be editing. And it will hit you.

I realized that to get where I wanted to be as a writer, I’d need time to myself. Not just any type of time, but silent time.

When you have young kids it’s difficult to find that time, but my wife gives me the time I need to get a few thousand words down every day on novels, short stories and poetry.

What it takes is drive. It takes mental strength and the ability to put the bullshit people tell you about who you are in the farthest recesses of your mind and lock it away.

You have to want to succeed. You have to want to see your book in a book store.

You have to want this bad enough to wake up tired and fall asleep exhausted.

When your family sees you come out of your writing cave their remarks should be, “I didn’t know you were home” or “How long have you been in there?” The second question should have you wondering what they’ve been doing.

If you’re willing to work, and work hard for what you want, you can do what you want.

It took me a while to understand how hard I’d truly have to work. You can’t half-ass it, you really have to want it, and want it bad enough to change the way you look at everything in your life.

If you really want to be a writer, you must create a schedule and stick to it.

But most important, you must write. From writing you learn and get better.

An athlete practices, which is exactly what writing is. Every time you write you get better.

I learned a lot on my path to being a writer, but most importantly, I learned you have to work harder than you have for anything.

Write and get better.

Why I Felt Guilty About Following My Dream.

Posted on by
Reply


As a writer you reach a point in your life where you either have to figure a way to keep writing or give up on it.

This often happens when you’re close to reaching your goal of publication, but you’re unaware of that.

Throughout my life I’ve told stories of one manner or another. I told them to people so they’d think I was interesting, to myself so I’d like me and to my parents so they’d think I was a good kid.

I learned through those stories that I love to create characters from nothing and that with them I could do anything, but something stopped me on the way.

I felt insecure about my writing, which happens often to writers. Something Amanda Palmer has called the fraud police.

At some point I thought people would accuse me of not supporting my family in the “traditional way” and this led me to wonder whether I should keep writing.

In my early twenties, a friend who knew that I loved to write said I should write a book. So I did, a horrible, awfully constructed vampire book.

What I learned from that book is that finishing a book was possible and that I really enjoyed it, then the fraud police showed up in the form of someone else and I stopped writing as much.

It was after I started writing again and finished another book I felt the fraud police again, in the same form as the last time.

I stopped writing for a while, again and fell into a deep depression which I’ve talked about here, which led me to transcendental meditation and getting through my depression.

After I began TM I started writing again. Little bits at a time until I was ready to tackle something bigger.

The something bigger is the second novel I finished and I’m now in my third rewrite and fourth draft of it.

When my wife and I moved, with the promise of being able to write full-time and bartend part-time, I felt guilty about writing. Not because I was afraid of the fraud police, but because I wanted to follow my dream.

Following my dream of being a writer is something that’s haunted me for most of my adult life and I only now understand why.

I’m doing something most people can’t or won’t do. Follow their dream.

When we decide to follow our dreams and our life allows that possibility to creep in, we think we’re getting away with something, at least I do.

I see all my friends and I know they have dreams they want to follow, and some of them are, but there are others who I really want to help, but they’re so used to being in the life they have they’ve forgotten about the dreams they once had, and the fact that I’m able to follow my dream, makes me feel guilty.

Now that I’m getting past the guilt of following my dream and embracing it I understand who I once was as a writer and I love him because he allowed me to be who I am and create the worlds I love.

5 Things I Learned About Myself While Battling Depression

Posted on by
1


There are little things that happen when you begin to live.

They’re small to others but to those of us who struggle with depression, they’re profound.

Throughout my battle with depression I’ve had things that kept me going, though at a few points they didn’t feel like they were enough.

  1. I’m able understand my children better.
  2. I don’t get angry as often at little things.
  3. I understand my life and how I got to this point.
  4. My wife understands me better.
  5. I know where my limits are and how to manage things better.

In hindsight I should have told my wife or someone how bad things were, but the shame of being male and dealing with depression scared me into being quiet.

Men and boys are told to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves and to never let anyone know we’re hurting.

This causes problems for us and our families.

Oftentimes resulting in tragedy.

Getting through my depression I’ve learned to listen to my body and have it guide me in the direction I need to go.

Depression is one of those things that never truly leaves us. It’s part of who we are and knowing that helps us understand ourselves us better.