This past week my family and I took a trip to Universal Studios Hollywood.
It’s something I’d planned since last year and it was our kid’s choice.
Each summer our kids spend two weeks with my parents.
This past summer was no different.
When our kids came home I gave them three options for a trip this summer. Chicago, Washington D.C. or Universal Studios to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
They chose Harry Potter.
We arrived at Universal and for some reason, I was in a bad mood. All of the first day I was an asshole to my wife, son, and daughter, but mostly to my son.
That night my wife called me out on it and I hadn’t thought I had been any different. I believed it was the kids who were acting up.
After sleeping that night and contemplating the previous day during my morning meditation, I realized I’d been an ass.
After everyone was ready, I apologized to my family, giving my son special attention that day to make up for my attitude the previous day.
After four years of transcendental meditation, dealing with recurring depression and thoughts of giving up on writing, I sometimes lose my way.
I tell you this because no matter how much better we think we’re getting, we slip sometimes.
There are days when life feels harder than it should be. Those days should make the other days better.
Sometimes they do.
There is always the nagging of depression. Fighting it every day feels like a chore, but its better than the alternative.
Doubt has crept into my mind recently.
It rears its head when I get a rejection notice or an agent doesn’t reply at all.
My head screws with me. Tells me that I need to quit and get a real job. It says I should do more to support my family.
My wife tells me to keep writing and without her, I don’t know what I’d do.
Last week she corrected me on my attitude. This week she told me to keep going.
Today I feel better, but I know doubt and depression could creep in at any moment.
I try to keep my head above the pit and continue to write.
Short stories and improving have been my goal this summer.
I’m getting better and I’m querying a novel with multiple agents at the moment.
Today, I’ll be bartending at an event and think about what I should be writing tomorrow.
Every day is a blessing and I’m not done yet.
Please do not give up. I have been battling depression for 20-some years. Been meditating for almost 20 years. It has helped a great deal. But I found that it really helps to work deeply with emotions to discover what that little voice in my head and the unconscious/shadow side is telling me. Recently I went to a TM retreat and refreshed my practice/brought it to a deeper level. I gained so much bliss and stability in my being. I thought: Why did I wait all these years to do so? (Well, finances was the main reason.) I highly recommend giving yourself a treat with a retreat. Check it out.