Tag Archives: Writing

Things you shouldn’t ask a writer.

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I posted this on Medium the other day and wanted to post it here as well.

There are things you can do to be supportive of a writer, there are also things you shouldn’t do. This is will be about the latter.
I’m often asked about what I’m writing, yeah, don’t do that.
“Hey, can I borrow your pen?” Please don’t ever do this.
“So, tell me about your book?” Unless you’re an agent publisher or otherwise related to those I stated, don’t, just don’t. If you’re another writer, piss off.
“What do you listen to while writing?” You want to steal my mojo, and or screw up my writing? Oh, you’re just curious what a writer listens to? I listen to the moans and wails of a thousand screaming angels when I write, sometimes they’re demons, but usually, they’re angels.
“How do you come up with your stories?” I prick a vein, usually a large vein, pull the blood out with my teeth and spit it into a fountain pen, but that’s just me.
“Where do you write? I’d love to come watch.” Right, like its the NHL or another sport? I take my writing time seriously, if you try to interrupt me, you’ll be one of those screaming angels I talked about.
“Where do you find the time?” I actually borrowed the time-turner Hermione used in Harry Potter. It helps me to accomplish my goals better.
“Are you a parent? How do you parent and write?” I’m Superman. I’m able to change a diaper, create a world, help with homework, plot a story and cook dinner.
“Are you published?” If you’re unpublished, this will piss you off to no end. If you’re published, the inevitable, “Where can I find your book?” It’s a book. You find it where you find most books, libraries, bookstores and Amazon.
Remember, these are rules to follow, or else be smote by the wrathful writer gods.
If you break these rules and a writer sends a flock of crows after you, that’s your fault, and you must pay for the crows after they’re done peeling the flesh from your bones.

How I Was Able to Write Full-Time.

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For over 11 years I’ve been struggling to write I’ve written two novels, over 50 short stories and stopped and started numerous others.

I did all of this while working 40 hours a week, struggling with migraines, depression and maintaining a relationship with my wife and kids.

I did all these things, but I never felt complete in who I was.

I know a lot of it had to do with that little voice in my head.

The one with my dad’s voice saying, “I wasn’t good enough” or ” I would never be a writer.”

Guess what, I’m a writer!

I’ve talked about the conversation my wife and I had about leaving Vegas, and how I would be able to write full-time and do another job to bring in money until my writing brought in money.

I am sitting here, telling you that not only did this happen, but in a couple months I’ll begin sending out a manuscript to agents.

Yes, I am a certified writer.

I have set schedule of taking the kids to school, getting a few thousand words in the afternoon, picking the kids up from school and eating dinner with my family.

There are a few nights during the week when I pour alcohol for corporate events, weddings and other such things for extra money, but writing is my main gig.

Here’s how we were able to do all of this:

  • We saved up enough to get us through the rough patches of moving.
  • We got the kids into a good charter school.
  • We paid off the majority of our debt, including credit cards.
  • I got a job, though it took longer than expected.

We’ve been in our new environment for 2 months, we have zero credit card debt bought a new house with money we’d saved and I’m able to work 2-3 days a week to supplement our income.

It helps that my wife has a great job, good health care plan and makes a decent amount each month. Without any of this we wouldn’t have been able to move.

I am now able to do what I want, spend time with my family and get out of the house a few nights a week.

After following the plan I’m able to be a mostly stay at home dad.

My wife works from home, so she doesn’t commute and when I’m doing the events she’s home with the kids.

You can truly do what you want if you have a plan.

When You Realize What It Takes To Do What You Want.

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There is a moment as a writer when you realize what it takes to get where you want to be.

You’ll be sitting, writing and thinking about other things, or you’ll be editing. And it will hit you.

I realized that to get where I wanted to be as a writer, I’d need time to myself. Not just any type of time, but silent time.

When you have young kids it’s difficult to find that time, but my wife gives me the time I need to get a few thousand words down every day on novels, short stories and poetry.

What it takes is drive. It takes mental strength and the ability to put the bullshit people tell you about who you are in the farthest recesses of your mind and lock it away.

You have to want to succeed. You have to want to see your book in a book store.

You have to want this bad enough to wake up tired and fall asleep exhausted.

When your family sees you come out of your writing cave their remarks should be, “I didn’t know you were home” or “How long have you been in there?” The second question should have you wondering what they’ve been doing.

If you’re willing to work, and work hard for what you want, you can do what you want.

It took me a while to understand how hard I’d truly have to work. You can’t half-ass it, you really have to want it, and want it bad enough to change the way you look at everything in your life.

If you really want to be a writer, you must create a schedule and stick to it.

But most important, you must write. From writing you learn and get better.

An athlete practices, which is exactly what writing is. Every time you write you get better.

I learned a lot on my path to being a writer, but most importantly, I learned you have to work harder than you have for anything.

Write and get better.

Why I Felt Guilty About Following My Dream.

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As a writer you reach a point in your life where you either have to figure a way to keep writing or give up on it.

This often happens when you’re close to reaching your goal of publication, but you’re unaware of that.

Throughout my life I’ve told stories of one manner or another. I told them to people so they’d think I was interesting, to myself so I’d like me and to my parents so they’d think I was a good kid.

I learned through those stories that I love to create characters from nothing and that with them I could do anything, but something stopped me on the way.

I felt insecure about my writing, which happens often to writers. Something Amanda Palmer has called the fraud police.

At some point I thought people would accuse me of not supporting my family in the “traditional way” and this led me to wonder whether I should keep writing.

In my early twenties, a friend who knew that I loved to write said I should write a book. So I did, a horrible, awfully constructed vampire book.

What I learned from that book is that finishing a book was possible and that I really enjoyed it, then the fraud police showed up in the form of someone else and I stopped writing as much.

It was after I started writing again and finished another book I felt the fraud police again, in the same form as the last time.

I stopped writing for a while, again and fell into a deep depression which I’ve talked about here, which led me to transcendental meditation and getting through my depression.

After I began TM I started writing again. Little bits at a time until I was ready to tackle something bigger.

The something bigger is the second novel I finished and I’m now in my third rewrite and fourth draft of it.

When my wife and I moved, with the promise of being able to write full-time and bartend part-time, I felt guilty about writing. Not because I was afraid of the fraud police, but because I wanted to follow my dream.

Following my dream of being a writer is something that’s haunted me for most of my adult life and I only now understand why.

I’m doing something most people can’t or won’t do. Follow their dream.

When we decide to follow our dreams and our life allows that possibility to creep in, we think we’re getting away with something, at least I do.

I see all my friends and I know they have dreams they want to follow, and some of them are, but there are others who I really want to help, but they’re so used to being in the life they have they’ve forgotten about the dreams they once had, and the fact that I’m able to follow my dream, makes me feel guilty.

Now that I’m getting past the guilt of following my dream and embracing it I understand who I once was as a writer and I love him because he allowed me to be who I am and create the worlds I love.

How Desire Creates The Possibility Of Your Dreams Them Coming True

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Within the dream of who we are and who we want to be there is something else.

It keeps us wanting more, sometimes it chases us away and then there are other times we live for the day it wants us more.

Desire is something we never think about, especially if we’re not chasing our dreams.

Desire to want more, the desire to stay with those we’ve known for years and then there’s the times we want more out of life.

The dream keeps us going, but the true desire to follow the dream and become the person we knew we could be, that is what life is for, isn’t it?

What we do with our life, and whether we have the true desire to move away, follow our heart and become something else – that, that one thing, that is completely what life is about.

I’ve seen people defeated and giving up on their dreams because their desire is lost. That feeling of, “I’ll never make it” or of “It’s hopeless, I have too many commitments”.

Those things are why you should seek out desire.

When you give up on your dreams, everyone around you sees it, they feel the loss. They may not say anything, but they were hoping for your dreams too. They wanted you to follow your dreams, because that means it’s possible and that just maybe, they can do it too.

Your desire to succeed is fueled by dreams of a better life, of following your heart and of doing the one thing that keeps you awake at night.

You desire to be better, and that’s enough.