Tag Archives: Belief

Starting over

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I started work on something last week. It didn’t fall apart, it’s on my computer, but I had a story idea in my head since we moved back to Utah.

The damn thing plagued me like no other. I’ve sat down to write it numerous times with no results.

Last night while I attempted to sleep, the solution came. I didn’t write it down but it stayed with me through the night.

I’m working on that story. Sometimes things click and this one definitely has. I’ll go back to the other story after this one is done.

I have a lot to get done in the next few months. I have two novellas to edit and another collection as well. I’m working on things for Horror-Zero Books and I’ll announce that when I’m able.

I hope you’ll stick around as returning to this blog has been wonderful.

Have a good start to your week and I’ll see you here Wednesday.

Coming Together…

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My goals become more clear with each day.

There’s a point of things coming together. Stories forming, dreams coalescing, and my mind revealing where we’re headed.

It’s a constant flux of frustrations, indecision, and knowing that I’m heading in the correct direction.

This week has been one of finding all of those things circling me and my mind understanding it all.

I know the path. I understand the way. It’s all coming to a point of reflection. A place of joy. A place of persistence and within it all I find my mind going in various ways. Some of these are where I want to be. The visions in my mind of where I will be. The place of everything and it’s all coming.

I see the rhythm and know where the writing is going. I see the path and keep going. I know it’s where I’m supposed to be.

Come along for the ride. We’re going places.

Something new…a storms coming.

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Today started with my watch getting me up at 5:30 to get my meditation, which led to me getting my workout before I took my youngest and their friend to school. It actually started last night during my afternoon meditation.

I had a story idea and the images of it came quickly. I’ve thought about nothing else since. The visuals of the images. How my mind made connections and the thoughts of the freaky shit kept me from sleeping decent.

It’s been a while since I was able to see a story as clearly as this one. I will be taking my time with it. I have a lot of stories to submit on Submission Grinder and I’ll be doing that. The collection I planned to release this year will be cannibalized into story submissions. It’s the best use of those stories.

On another note, I haven’t had much work in the way of bartending lately. This sucks but I’ll be writing my ass off. Have a pleasant Wednesday.

Changing a few things…

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I’ve debated over the last few weeks about my novel, Disunion By Force. I enjoyed writing it, editing it, and working on the cover, but I think it’s ran its course.

I hoped it would do well but I hasn’t. I’ll be pulling it from publication soon. I have copies of it so I can sell those. When they’re gone it will exist only for me and those who’ve read it.

I could have done things differently with the book. I should have left the original ending, shouldn’t have changed other things, but it’s done. I’m a better writer for growing through it.

Here’s where the change begins. I’ll be focusing solely on horror in writing and submitting. I learned that unless the people you talk to regularly read what you’re writing it will fail. Most of the people I talk to regularly are in the horror genre.

As Disunion goes away I’ll be pulling my collection from Amazon as well. That’s for other reasons and it’s something I meant to do a while ago.

I’m having trouble writing but I’m working my way through those issues.

I hope you all have a pleasant week, Brian

Getting better…

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I’ve fought with my stomach, my mind, and my temper over the last week. I’m winning the battles, but the war continues.

I started writing a new story today. I don’t know where it came from, as I often never do, but it’s words, and I’m grateful for them. I’ve barely written since my time in the hospital and while I’m working to get better I’m also struggling to maintain my writing.

I took a hit to my mind, my body, and a bit of fear crept in. I’ve never spent time in the hospital. It was a new experience for me and I didn’t much care for it. I’ve always been relatively healthy and spending 48 hours in the hospital, mostly alone, did some damage. You can only watch so much bullshit TV without wanting to pluck your eyes from you school. I’m just glad they gave my plastic spoons for my meals.

Writing post-hospital is difficult. I’m on some new medication for depression and anxiety. It’s something I’ve needed to do for a while, but held off. I reached a point of needing that help while in the hospital. It wasn’t an epiphany, but a realization of sorts.

I’ve struggled with depression most of life and getting better is part of our journey as humans. I have to get better for me. That started with taking something for my anxiety and depression. I’m moving onto the next part, stay with me.

Writing horror is challenging for me. I grew up watching horror. I read a little bit growing up, but I mostly read Tom Clancy style thrillers. Which is why my most recent novel is a thriller in that vein.

Horror feels difficult to me. Maybe it’s because I watched more than I read growing up. I’ve worked to fix that as I grew older. I’m working on a few projects and I’ll put them up in the next couple of months.

I hope you’ll follow along as I make my way and get better.