I wrote 86k last December. Here’s what happened and why I won’t do that again.

Yes, you read the title of this post correctly.

I finished a 86,000 word novel in one month. But here’s the catch, it wasn’t executed very well.

I know I need to go back to it but damn, it’s a daunting as hell task.

It’s not quite cohesive and that’s where the problem is the biggest. The smaller ones are it feels like a few short stories compiled into a novel.

I had no idea what I was writing at the time. I only had a first line and went from there.

This month I plan on writing a lot but not 86k, but we’ll see.

I had an idea the other day about a story, actually a few stories with one character that holds them together.

I’ve taken to sketching, connecting, outlining and figuring out what the hell its about.

It may take me a few months to do this as I’ve allotted a great deal of 2020 with construction of this one.

I did this with a couple of stories and I really enjoyed writing them and their respective outlines.

This one though, it’s different.

You know that excitement when things click? The feeling of trying to catch your breath with the possibilities?

That’s what I feel with this one and it’s why I’ll be taking so much of the year working on it.

I will also be submitting short stories and novels to magazines, contests, and agents.

I had planned on doing that today but had a bartending event to prepare for.

I’ll be submitting a novel to agents over the next couple of days as well as preparing a couple of short stories to those magazines and contests.

Have a good week and keep writing.

Figuring out this “Everyone has a dark place” thing.

I’ve wondered about this for a long time.

What is this darkness that I have?

Everyone has their dark side. So says Tim S. Grover in his book Relentless.

I’ve listened to the audio of that book quite a few times and I never figured out what mine was until the other day.

I won’t say what it is but it’s not alcohol.

I don’t need alcohol every day. There are weeks when I don’t notice that I haven’t had a drink.

But there is one thing I’ve done since I was a kid that always made me feel better when I didn’t want to keep going.

That one thing has made my life better even if it distracts me at times.

It’s been my go to for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure what I’d do without it.

When I’m stuck on a story I use it to break things up and when life hits me hard I use it.

I always thought that dark thing had to be a bad thing like abusing alcohol or worse.

But it’s not, at least not for me.

Now that I’ve figured it out I’m going to do some testing on it.

I’ve also started a new story and still have queries out. I’ll be sending more of them out this week as well.

Have a good week.

The moment you realize it, work harder.

There’s a moment where you have to look at your goals and realize, I’m not working hard enough.

This came to me the other day as I was submitting queries.

I’ve written 10 novels and only submitted two of them, getting no’s on both, so far.

One is still out with three agents.

But I don’t believe I’ve put enough effort or focus on this. I’m not going to publish this year. That’s my fault for not working hard enough.

I own that.

I will next year. I’m going to put things aside, though as I’ve learned, this blog won’t be one of them.

Some things, like my wife and kids are important. But others, some events and people will not be included in that.

I’ve spent too much time doing bullshit things.

I need to work harder.

This blog will be my place to vent, so here’s my heads up on that.

Feeling the pressure…

It comes at the oddest times and I’m not sure how to deal with it when it does.

The failure mindset.

Maybe because I’m not published that it comes harder.

I’ve submitted novels to 18 agents. 13 said no to one of them. Another said no to a different submission and one wasn’t accepting unsolicited manuscripts.

The others are out currently.

That’s 3 agents with one of my books.

I’m at the point where I could use a win. I guess we all get that way at some point. It’s happened to me a couple of times.

But right now, where things are in life at 43, a win would be good for my head and heart.

I’ll keep writing because I’m better at it than I am anything else but a win or even an agent to ask for a full would be great.

Anyway, have a great rest of your week. I’ll be over here with fingers crossed and hope in my heart.

Sharing stories and locking the writing door.

I’ve come to the realization that I work better when I shut the world, and sometimes, people off from me.

It’s not about depression or anything else, it’s about reaching a point where aloneness is conducive for the act of writing and creating.

I never noticed that shutting myself away had this effect.

In what I write–horror–finding a hiding spot in the corner of the room, stopping the world from seeing you, talking to you(except for those who are closest)is possibly the most liberating thing.

I have a small group, my wife and kids being it, and they let me write. I’m not restricted by waiting for someone to text or cal that they’re in town. Or whether they’ll see me if they are.

My family lets me do what I need and it’s reassuring that they have my back., especially my wife.

She’s the on I bounce stories off of. The one I talk to when I need to solve a story issue.

Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. But I can always do that.

There are others who I’ve confused in. Let read my stories but they’re not really interested.

They pat me on the head when I would send them things, but they don’t really want to read.

They have lives of their own but my sharing my writing with them meant something.

It meant I trust you with my heart.

When they toss it away, it hurts.

It’s why I only let my wife read my stories.

I will share things on Reddit or writing sites, but they’ve usually gone through a lot revisions

If I share my writing with you, take as I’m sharing a secret. Don’t dispose of it in your email trash.

Tell me you can’t read it or that you’re too busy for it. I’ll get the hint.

Today I’m writing what scares me. I write it because I have to learn more about myself.

Tomorrow I have queries to send off.

I’ll keep you posted and stay warm.

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