Moving?

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This year is about change and doing new things. It’s about adventure and moving forward. On that note, I am testing the waters on Substack at https://brianbbaker.substack.com.

I’ll see how it goes but I’ve seen a lot of writers moving things over there. I’ve had this account since 2005 or so. If you like what I write here it’s going to be a lot of the same, but I’ll be doing book and movie reviews of the horror genre over there as well.

I’ll hope you’ll check it out.

Brian

Breaking…

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There have been times in my writing life when I wanted to stop. I thought, fuck this, I’m done.

It’s happened a lot recently. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m tired of trying so hard and getting nowhere or if I think I’m trying hard but I’m really not.

I have two books out. One is a collection of horror stories, the other a novel. But to say they’ve done well is a lie. They’ve done poorly and I think it’s me. I think it’s because I’m in the horror community, albeit an X or Z-level player, but I’m there. People who follow me didn’t know how to react to Disunion By Force. That’s my fault. I own that.

I don’t understand my disappearance from regular conversations with other writers.

I’m deciding whether to take all of my stories off of their places and shelve them for a while. I’ve talked to my wife about this and she’s cool with it. I have a collection of Travel Horror stories I’ll be putting out this year. I’m working on creating my own LLC for publishing. That will happen later this year before I publish the collection.

I would like to take a year off from my regular day job and write. I also am spending a lot of time playing World of Warcraft. It gives me the mental break I need.

I am considering getting rid of this blog as well. This year is about change and new starts. I’m doing a lot of that in my personal life. I plan to do it with my writing life as well.

I don’t want to quit. I enjoy coming to the page almost every day. The ones I don’t enjoy make the others more difficult.

That’s it for now.

What’s going on?

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I’ve dealt with my stomach issues over the last few months, but that’s not what this post is about.

After I had my initial visit with my doctor, I asked to be put on anti-depressant/anxiety medication. If you’ve read this blog for a while you understand my reasons for that; now I’ve run into a problem.

I started taking the medicine in November and I haven’t written a word since. I don’t feel like writing, reading, or watching anything with my wife. A malaise settled in over my life. One that I’m not comfortable with. Writing and books are where I get the most enjoyment. They’ve always been my safe space. Not writing feels worse than depression.

I’m not cured of depression. That doesn’t happen. I understand that the medicine takes away the depression and the lows in causes. It’s also taking away my desire to work. I get to my desk every morning and stare at a blank screen. I may write something but I delete it later because I’m not interested in what I’ve put down.

I usually start exercising to help with my depression issues. I don’t want to do that either.

I’m going off the medication to see if that fixes this. I can’t live without writing. It’s causing me more mental issues than it’s solving.

I had wanted to publish this year. I don’t desire that either. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t posted here.

Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes.