I posted this on Medium last month and somehow forgot to post it here.
Three years ago I stood on the ledge of the parking garage where I used to work.
I’d been fighting depression since I saw my father at my grandfather’s funeral. He walked past me as if I weren’t there.
The day I stood on the ledge, a co-worker told me, “No one really cares about you or your bullshit.”
That was my end point. I got through with work, set my things in my car and walked to the ledge.
I saw the back of the hotel, the marquee for the hotel and the rooftop of the casino. A slight wind blew my hair and I remember putting my hands out at as if I could catch it.
I don’t remember how long I stood up there, it could have been five minutes, ten, or two, but I stepped off the ledge and sat in my car and cried for a long time.
I knew I was broken at that point and I had no idea how to put my pieces back together.
I called my wife, the emotion clearly audible as she asked, “what’s the matter?”
I told her, “I need help. I think I’m going to look into that Transcendental Meditation(TM) I’ve been reading about.”
“Whatever you need to do, I’m here.” She said and I drove home, but I don’t remember the drive, I don’t remember the next week. I only remember calling the TM teacher in Las Vegas and scheduling to come in for my introduction.
A week later, I started my practice.
It’s been three years since I started TM and here’s a list of things that have happened that I know wouldn’t have without TM:
- I quit a good paying job to write full time.
- We moved our kids out an environment that wouldn’t help them grow.
- I started writing full time.
I never would’ve had the courage or mental strength to leave my job had I not learned TM. I was a weak person, most of the people around me would attest to that.
I didn’t know what I wanted and I hated not seeing my kids.
Today, I write full time and I’m working on a book that I’ll be submitting in June. I bartend a few times a week, I see my kids more often and I’m able to spend time with my wife.
I know without TM I wouldn’t be alive today.
I still get bouts of depression. I don’t think about suicide as often as I once did and I’m less angry than I was three years ago.
If you’re having trouble, please call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1–800–273–8255.
If you’re interested in learning more about Transcendental Meditation try TM.org.
Today, my wife and I are both practicing TM and we’re planning on getting our kids taught as well.
Have a great rest of your week.