Last year I started this blog, my third, I wanted to write things that I cared about. The blogs which came before this felt more like they were catering to people or like I wanted to be noticed.
Delusions of Ink seemed like a perfect title since I was under the delusion the ink I put on the page would be seen by people.
At first I thought it may be like the others, boring, forced and uneventful.
This changed around the time my grandfather died last year. I began to write things which were risky. Things which I wanted to write for the sake of getting my mind clear, but still keeping to a formula that the blog should be about writing.
I kept to that formula until April of this year when my life changed and I found the voice and the will to write what I needed to put on the page.
I knew after I sat for my first transcendental meditation session I wouldn’t be the same. But I honestly didn’t think anything would happen, how could it, it’s simply sitting and thinking of a word or producing a sound a word makes.
After my session I felt alive in a way I’d never felt before, I also felt more confidence than I’d felt since I was a little boy.
A week after I’d written my first transcendental meditation themed post, TM.org asked if they could post it on their page, happily and honored, I said yes.
I’ve been told that articles have done well on their page and that a lot of people who have read my articles have asked for more information about TM, which makes writing them worth it. If my articles can help anyone who is where I once was, then I’m ecstatic.
My confidence in my writing has grown with each week since starting TM and my offline writing has improved in ways I never thought possible.
I see the story better, the characters have better voices and I feel a better grasp of the craft.
There are many days, I wake up, stare in the mirror and think, where did this person come from? Where has he been hiding?
Then I realize, I was always here I just needed to open my eyes, clear my soul and find myself.
I’ve never felt better about where my writing is headed, where the blog is headed and most importantly, I understand why my writing was horrible.
I wasn’t truly here to write. I was trying to perform for people. I was out to prove certain people wrong about who I was and why I wrote, and that’s not the true way to write.
The only true way I’ve seen to write, is to let your voice, that one deep inside of you that you’re afraid to let out, let it free. It will create for you a life which is more meaningful and will create a place in your soul where your heart is full.
I’m no longer under the delusion that Delusions of Ink is for people. It’s for me.