I’ve debated over the last few weeks about my novel, Disunion By Force. I enjoyed writing it, editing it, and working on the cover, but I think it’s ran its course.
I hoped it would do well but I hasn’t. I’ll be pulling it from publication soon. I have copies of it so I can sell those. When they’re gone it will exist only for me and those who’ve read it.
I could have done things differently with the book. I should have left the original ending, shouldn’t have changed other things, but it’s done. I’m a better writer for growing through it.
Here’s where the change begins. I’ll be focusing solely on horror in writing and submitting. I learned that unless the people you talk to regularly read what you’re writing it will fail. Most of the people I talk to regularly are in the horror genre.
As Disunion goes away I’ll be pulling my collection from Amazon as well. That’s for other reasons and it’s something I meant to do a while ago.
I’m having trouble writing but I’m working my way through those issues.
I’ve always believed there are moments in our lives where we can go one direction and it leads to something easy, or another direction and it will be harder but worth it.
I’ve often taken the easier road. It’s hard to digest that I’ve done that, but looking back at my life, I’ve usually taken the easier road.
I don’t know why I’ve done this. I think it has to do with my childhood, but that could be me placing blame where I should accept my failings.
I know the road ahead is fraught with terrible worries. I know where I’m headed will be difficult and I’ll be mostly on my own, again.
Being on my own and doing things for myself has always been my out. It’s always led me to a better place. I know my writing is good. I’ve compared it to many stories I’ve read lately, and I know it’s good. I don’t know why it’s not doing well.
I’ve reached a point, the fork in the road. I can continue writing or stop altogether. I’ve considered the latter quite often lately.
I know what I have to do to get over it. I know where I have to go. I understand all that this journey will entail. It won’t be easy, but I no longer have a choice.
This year is about change and doing new things. It’s about adventure and moving forward. On that note, I am testing the waters on Substack at https://brianbbaker.substack.com.
I’ll see how it goes but I’ve seen a lot of writers moving things over there. I’ve had this account since 2005 or so. If you like what I write here it’s going to be a lot of the same, but I’ll be doing book and movie reviews of the horror genre over there as well.
There have been times in my writing life when I wanted to stop. I thought, fuck this, I’m done.
It’s happened a lot recently. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m tired of trying so hard and getting nowhere or if I think I’m trying hard but I’m really not.
I have two books out. One is a collection of horror stories, the other a novel. But to say they’ve done well is a lie. They’ve done poorly and I think it’s me. I think it’s because I’m in the horror community, albeit an X or Z-level player, but I’m there. People who follow me didn’t know how to react to Disunion By Force. That’s my fault. I own that.
I don’t understand my disappearance from regular conversations with other writers.
I’m deciding whether to take all of my stories off of their places and shelve them for a while. I’ve talked to my wife about this and she’s cool with it. I have a collection of Travel Horror stories I’ll be putting out this year. I’m working on creating my own LLC for publishing. That will happen later this year before I publish the collection.
I would like to take a year off from my regular day job and write. I also am spending a lot of time playing World of Warcraft. It gives me the mental break I need.
I am considering getting rid of this blog as well. This year is about change and new starts. I’m doing a lot of that in my personal life. I plan to do it with my writing life as well.
I don’t want to quit. I enjoy coming to the page almost every day. The ones I don’t enjoy make the others more difficult.