I worked a bartending gig on Saturday and it was boring. I used that empty time to try and figure out where I go from here.
I love writing stories, but trying to get anything published feels like I’m wasting my time.
Here’s a bit of history:
- I started this blog in one iteration in 2004 I think. I’ve gained a lot of readers, but that never translated to readers outside of this blog.
- I’ve written 11 novels. I’ve submitted half of those to agents. All of them received form rejection letters.
- I’ve written over a hundred short stories, at least half of which I’ve submitted, with the same response as I listed above.
- I feel like I’m improving in my writing, but the submission grind has worn me down.
- It feels like I’m trying to prove something to someone, and maybe that’s where I’m screwing up.
- After over ten years of this I’m not sure I have the mental strength to keep submitting while only receiving rejections.
- I feel like I’m doing this alone. I don’t mean in the sense that I’m writing alone. It feels like the little bit of support I get isn’t enough to keep me writing.
- I’ve considered taking a step back for a while, without the blog or social media. I don’t use this blog as much as I once did and I don’t feel I get much of out of it anymore, and social media feels the same way.
That list is a lot to take in. As I read what I wrote it feels like I’m bitching, which maybe I am.
I once used this blog as a way to get my thoughts out, I’ve stepped away from that and used it as something that feels like I’m ranting constantly.
I get a few people reading here and there, but for the most part it and social media feels like a waste of time. There are a couple of reasons I’ve stayed on Twitter. I love the horror community on there. When everyone isn’t fighting over bullshit we do great. The second reason is, it’s the only place I’ve found reliable listings for submissions.
Maybe I need a reboot, a hard reboot. I hate to lose all of the followers of this blog and Twitter, but anymore, they’re only numbers.
I have a short story out for submission and a novella, but with my 10 year track record I’m not holding out hope for either of them.
Ten years ago my wife and I lost a storage unit. We had a lot of stuff in there, but it was just stuff we’d collected as kids or adults. We were upset, but I told my wife, “It’s just stuff. What’s important is us.” That’s how I’m feeling about social media and this blog. It’s just stuff.