Lack of motivation is killing me

For the last week I have had zero motivation to write. I have submitted a story, but I haven’t had motivation to continue anything I’ve started.

I’m not sure why this is. Oftentimes it has something to do with what I’m reading.

I had an idea to start another Grimdark novel, so I started reading Grimdark, but that’s grown boring and I returned to reading “Let The Right One In.”

I’ve seen both versions of the movie, and maybe that’s screwing me up in my reading of the book. If you haven’t watched either movie, they’re both good, and while I like the actors better in the Swedish version, I felt some of the scenes in the American version were better. Either way, you won’t be disappointed, especially if you like vampires.

But having scene both versions, I know too much about the story and when that happens the reading gets boring. I think the writing is great, however, I feel that having scene both movies, the story is too well known to me and I won’t be finishing it. Which I want to, but won’t. I’ve found it’s not worth forcing yourself through a story you’re reading just to have it listed on Goodreads as something you’ve read. I learned that from reading House of Leaves.

I have numerous books, some from my Nightworms subscription and others that I’ve purchased.

This lack of motivation crept its way into my bartending gig and the lack of motivation to deal with rich, entitled people and their weddings during Covid has reached its zenith and I find myself wanting to take a break from doing events but am financially unable to do so.

When you work catering events you’re going to deal with people who have more money than sense. There were 160 people at the event and the probability that they were all vaccinated in these United States is not good.

The event last night felt like one I did last summer, with a similar guest count. It was soon after that we stopped doing events with a large guest count.

I don’t want to say this summer is feeling like early last summer, but that’s how it feels. I like doing events. I like bartending, but I loath the people withe more money than sense.

But I digress.

I will change my reading material to something else because Let The Right One In is not doing it for me because I know the story so well.

I need to get back on track. When I’m lost like this those old thoughts come back. The feelings of I’m not good enough. The idea that someone will come and tell me I’m not good enough and I should stop submitting creep in.

I hate those feelings. They make me feel worthless!

But on to other things, better things. I have a couple of events this weekend and I’m hoping they go better than the last one.


5 thoughts on “Lack of motivation is killing me

  1. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. When I’m in a dark mood and can’t write, I spend some time on self-care. I binge-watch TV shows and anime; I read; listen to ASMR and New Age YouTube videos; and just do things that make me happy.
    I can’t say if that’ll work for you, but it works for me. I hope you’re able to move past this mood soon.


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