as a child growing up in Utah, my father was overbearing.
He was a big man, at least to me growing up.
When I was a teenager I was thin and constantly was called skinny by bullies and my father.
I always wanted to live up to his expectations so I drank protein drinks which killed my stomach, lifted weights all because I wanted my father to love me.
What I discovered afterward is that he was thin in school and maybe he didn’t want me to be that way.
Later, I joined the military only to be discharged soon after arriving at boot camp.
I felt like I let him down by not being able to finish boot.
In the last year I discovered all the times I was trying to make him love me, I wasn’t loving myself.
I gave up on myself as a child because I wanted my father to love me, but in the last year I discovered I should love myself over anyone else.
Now that I’ve put this in practice for a year I’m finding that my life is better caring about myself and not those around me.
I love my father though I don’t talk to him anymore, but he taught me that the love I have for myself is more important than the love anyone else will have for me.
I no longer worry about living up to his expectations, only my own.