Living up to your own expectations.

as a child growing up in Utah, my father was overbearing.

He was a big man, at least to me growing up.

When I was a teenager I was thin and constantly was called skinny by bullies and my father.

I always wanted to live up to his expectations so I drank protein drinks which killed my stomach, lifted weights all because I wanted my father to love me.
What I discovered afterward is that he was thin in school and maybe he didn’t want me to be that way.

Later, I joined the military only to be discharged soon after arriving at boot camp.

I felt like I let him down by not being able to finish boot.

In the last year I discovered all the times I was trying to make him love me, I wasn’t loving myself.

I gave up on myself as a child because I wanted my father to love me, but in the last year I discovered I should love myself over anyone else.

Now that I’ve put this in practice for a year I’m finding that my life is better caring about myself and not those around me.

I love my father though I don’t talk to him anymore, but he taught me that the love I have for myself is more important than the love anyone else will have for me.

I no longer worry about living up to his expectations, only my own.

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2 thoughts on “Living up to your own expectations.

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  1. Self love is crucial to all individuals in order to truly blossom into our best possible selves. Often it takes a lot of hard experiences to understand its value. I am glad to know that you have embarked on the right path. Congratulations! 🙂

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