A year ago I was dealing with not being enough for my biological dad.
I had no idea that being enough for myself was a possibility, or that I should even consider being enough for myself.
When I look back on how I dealt with things in the aftermath of the events which would send me in a spiral of depression, alcohol and self-loathing, I understand why they happened, and why finding myself became the most important thing I’ve ever done for myself.
When our life spirals we try to blame others, anything but dealing with the face in the mirror or the voices in our head telling us we’re not good enough.
When I sat down and looked at who I was, what my life was like and how I let someone else take my confidence, happiness and self-respect, I realize I didn’t know who I was then.
I felt like I was this person created from all the things my biological dad wanted me to be as a kid or teenager. I knew that I had to get past the things he believed I was and become the person I knew I could be.
Even though he hasn’t been my dad for 16 years, his voice echoes in my head, because it’s the voice I heard telling me I wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t do it or I was too skinny.
His voice, unlike my own, filled my head with bullshit that kept me from being me.
We reach a point when the voice in our head is telling us lies. Whether your voice is a parent, sibling or something else, listen to your voice, listen to your heart and do what it says.
NO ONE knows you like you do. NO ONE will ever know you the way you know yourself.
I’ve had my voice in my head for the last 6 months. It’s been telling me I can do anything I want, and I want to be a writer. I’m no longer satisfied with being anything but.
When I think about where I was a year ago and the lessons I learned from being that person, I’ll never go back to listening to that voice or fail myself the way I did a year ago.
I’ve found I’m more important to myself than I believed and I now understand how to believe in myself like I never have before. I’ve become someone else in the last 6 months and he’s tired of the bullshit and ready to do the things he’s put off because of one little voice.
I wouldn’t have found my own voice without hearing his, but not hearing his voice in my head anymore has led me to discover how beautiful the world is, my family is and that I don’t have to put up with the bullshit anymore.