I’ve been in a very depressed state for the last three months. It started with my writing not going anywhere. It moved on from that onto my oldest having issues at school. They graduate this year and ran into some issues in February. From there my mind was thrown off and I haven’t written anything I’ve really enjoyed since.
I have a novel out with my editor and will continue to use this editor. She’s been awesome and understands the characters. Her going over my draft has been one of the brightest points of the last three months. The rest of it has been shit.
I have six projects in one form or another moving along, but getting fresh words on them are the hardest things I’ve done in a long time.
Long time readers of this blog know that I equate depression to living in pit. The walls are slick with mud and slime. It is hardest thing to climb out of because of those walls. I’ve had many thoughts of self-harm over these three months. I’m working through all of it but damn getting out of the pit is hard.
I’ve also quit drinking. This time for good. I can’t drink. It’s something that I’ve fought with over the last three years. It finally came to head around my birthday in March. I can’t in good conscience drink alcohol and fell good about who I am as person.
I no longer want to be in this situation. I’m working to improve my mental as well as physical well being. I will be using this blog to refocus my energy and to use it how I’d initially intended it. To write about my problems. I know it’s sometimes depressing to read about how someone is struggling, but I know there are people out there who are comforted and feel less alone by reading my words. I’ve had numerous people tell me so.
But I am on to the next page. I will be here more often and my content will change a little bit, but I’ll always talk about writing. It’s the one thing that keeps me going.
Are you still going to work as a bartender? Or are you looking for a new vocation?
LikeLike
I’m really kind of tired of bartending. I’ve been doing it for 24 years and it’s not fun anymore. I’m really good at it but I only do it because I don’t know anything else. At 46 it’s hard to start over in the workforce.
LikeLike
Well, I bet you can parlay those skills into a new career field. Either that, or you can write a great story from the POV of a bartender.
LikeLike
I wrote an urban fantasy novel that does that. I haven’t done anything with it in a long time.
LikeLike
Maybe you can do something now.
Whatever you end up doing, though, I wish you the best of luck.
LikeLike
Pingback: The change is here | Brian B Baker, Horror Writer