The Bleeding Inkwell

How Writing was my Savior from Bullies

Brian — Fri, 17 May 2013 18:56:32 +0000

Photo Credit: JLM Photography via Creative Commons

So, I’ve been going through a few things in my head about why I write, what influenced me to write the first time when I was 13, and It all comes from being bullied in school. Writing was my escape. I could do things in writing to get away and I didn’t have to worry about the bullies until the next day.

How I got through it.

When I think about the skinny little kid I was then, I weighed 75 lbs in seventh, eighth and most of ninth grade, I was barely five foot and I was an easy target to bullies.

But, what stands out for me about that stage is how much I wrote and read. I read a lot of books, books on things that I’d never thought of, books I can’t even remember now.

I think about that skinny kid and all he went through and all the times I put a blade to my skin, hoping it would take the pain away, but I never went through with cutting my wrists. There were times I was scratch myself pretty bad, but I didn’t think anything about it. I was a kid.

That time growing up was the hardest for me. I lived with my dad in a two bedroom apartment, I did all the cleaning, or at least the majority. Every time he came home, I wouldn’t do something right and he’d say something about my weight or comment about how I didn’t really have any friends, things like that.

Catalyst

But, the final thing that sent me away from his house was a comment about how I was so skinny and didn’t have a girlfriend or any friends, just really hateful things.

But, now my dad and I don’t talk to each other, and after a hateful letter he sent me a few years ago, things in it said, “You’ll never be a writer, because no one cares about you or what you write.”

Those words made me contemplate suicide, and this was after my two kids were born.

My son’s bully adventure.

Last year my son dealt with a bully in school and it brought a lot of memories back to me. Times I was beaten up, times I was ridiculed by kids and teachers did nothing. His wasn’t as bad as mine, but it still brought back bad memories.

I have this blog on the internet called The Bleeding Inkwell and I’ve been using it to talk about writing and “stuff”. When I should have been talking about how I got through bullying in middle school.

Welcome to my Masquerade! I’m a bully survivor Masquerading as a Writer.

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Writing with a Day Job

Brian — Wed, 15 May 2013 18:06:28 +0000

Photo Credit: Gregory Wake via Creative Commons

Waking up each morning I know I’m a writer, but I also know writing doesn’t pay the bills; at least not yet.

Wednesday through Sunday I wake up, get ready and head to my day job, I also drop my daughter off at daycare.

While I’m at work I take notes on ideas, check Facebook and Twitter during the first half hour of my lunch and after that first half-hour I’m in the quiet room we have at my job.

That half-hour or so of writing in the middle of the day is my break from dealing with angry guests and gets me through my day. WIthout that half-hour of writing I think I’d go crazy.

With each day we strive to be better writers, but if we have a day job it’s harder to get to your writing.

Writing like anything creative takes to time to get good at, but as long as you’re writing on a daily basis it doesn’t matter. Writing is writing, from blogs to stories, if you’re writing, you’re getting better.

As writers we cling to things that make us feel like writers. These are the things I cling to while I’m at my day job.

Pens: I have a lot of them, some are expensive, most are not.
Journals: i have these scattered throughout the house and there’s always one in my back pocket at work.
Caffeinated Beverages: These can be tea, coffee or soda. I try to stay clear of soda though.
Support Staff: This is my wife and kids, who without their support I wouldn’t be able to write. And it’s because of them I still have my day job.

Day jobs are not always fun, some are downright tedious and boring as hell, but we keep them until we’re able to write full time, which is any writer’s goal.

Keeping your head above water and being able to pay the bills is a necessity, you don’t want to be out on the street and you don’t want your wife and kids out there either.

Keep your day job until you’re ready, but don’t jump too early or you’ll get squashed.

I’m a Bartender in Las Vegas, what do you do as a day job? Answer in the comments.

Acknowledgements: Photo Credit to Gregory Wake via Crea more…

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Must Have Rules for Writers and Everyone Else

Brian — Mon, 13 May 2013 19:52:19 +0000

Photo Credit: See-ming Lee via Creative Commons

Yesterday was Mother’s Day in The States and when I think about my mom I think about how much she’s guided me in my life and my writing. She’s always stood by me and sometimes those people are hard to find in your life.

There are things you can do to garner support from people in your writing and your life. These things are simple and you should do them on a daily basis.

1. Be honest about your motives. Never be a fake person.

Honesty is always one of the best things you can do in life. Your honesty is the one thing you have that people will truly respect you for. If you’re not honest with yourself, your readers or your friends and family, there’s no one left.

2. Be clear about why you write.

Clarity is important in life and writing because it makes your thoughts come across in a better way than spewing it out.

3. Never take your readers for granted.

This means don’t say you’re going to do something and not do it. Being grateful shows your humility and that you’re human and not some robot that just spews writing and wants to add more followers or friends on social media for the sake of having them.

4. Keep a schedule. This will help you with the other three.

Schedules keep your life free of clutter. If you can keep a schedule you can accomplish anything. Your schedule and keeping it, whether with appointments or with your writing will gain people’s trust and they’ll like you without having to lie to them, which is super-important.

5. Give people and your readers a glimpse into your life.

Letting people in can be tough to do, especially if you’re a writer. Writers want to write and nothing else. But, letting people get close to you so they know who you are will give them something every reader or friend wants, companionship.

6. Give a little trust.

This can be about who you are or what your current WiP is, but trust is something you have to give people in order for them to want to read you or want them to be friends with you.

Trust is your greatest partner in any endeavor. It will let your readers, friends and family know that you appreciate them and show them you care about them. Trusting people is tough, especially if it’s with a current WiP or other artistic piece. But, if they trust you, they will follow you.

Are you doing any of these six in your daily life? Answer in the comments and share if you enjoyed the post, there’s also a box to subscribe if you wish to get updates on new posts.

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In the White Room

Brian — Fri, 10 May 2013 18:46:25 +0000

Photo Credit: Jeffrey Rowland via Creative Commons

Here are Part 1 and Part 2 of this continuing story.

I woke in a white room, surrounded by four walls and door covered in red paint, which was inconspicuously absent of a doorknob.

The floor was rough and I’d never felt alone like this, not even when I was thrown in solitary for a few weeks, at least in solitary I could hear scratching of mice and other things from outside my cell.

There was an odd smell in air, which I thought might have been from some type of gas they probably used to knock me out.

I have no recollection of what happened after that hand grabbed me in the freezer, but I’ll never forget the visions of those people hanging from hooks.

My pack and the rest of my gear lay next to me on the floor and I thought that I may be in wrong place, at least until the door slid to the left and the face of the man who put me in prison stood, light illuminating him as if he were a prophet or messiah, I knew that was bullshit.

“Captain.” He said, my face told him I was not impressed by his presence.

“Hello general.” I responded.

Leaning against the wall I saw he’d added another star since I’d seen his ugly face.

“Yeah, I added another star, but you…you, you look like shit.” He said.

“Well, somethings never change. You’re still an asshole and I’m stuck under your thumb. Tell me what the fuck is going on and what is this place?” I said.

He shuffled his feet as if he were trying to come up with the right words.

“It’s hard to explain. A lot of things have happened in the world since you were gone. Your cousin should have told you this when he picked you up.” He said.

“He didn’t tell me anything and that place you sent me to didn’t have cable. I was in isolation and wasn’t allowed to watch the news, just repeats of nature and Discovery Channel documentaries.” i replied.

“The world changed while you were inside. The government needed to do things to keep the population alive, this town has now become one of those things.” He said.

“So, what you’re saying is this town was expendable and they died because the government said so?” I asked.

“The town was given what it needed, but everyone living here knew their lives were meant to keep the population alive. When they were of no use, they were killed and used. This was farm Captain, that’s all.” He said.

I felt my skin crawl of my bones and settle on the floor next to me, it stared at me contemplating his words, and reattached itself to my skin, of course this was literal, but that’s how I felt after he told me about the town.

“How many of these farms are there?” I asked.

“Enough to keep us alive for a while.” he replied with a nasty grin which made my skin itch as if it were to roll off my bones again.

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Why Writers Should Keep a Dream Journal

Brian — Wed, 08 May 2013 18:00:23 +0000

Photo Credit: *¦·sindorella·¦* via Creative Commons

I had a dream last week that I bought a shiny new car. I could smell the interior of the car as well as the feel of the smoothness of the ride as it entered the freeway and started a road trip.

I know enough about dream imagery to know what the dream meant. A car, especially a new car, signifies a new beginning. The smooth ride means the journey I’m on, my writing I’m assuming, is going smoothly. The road trip means the journey I’m currently on or may be taking in the future.

Our dreams are telling us something, and we need to listen them. Most of our dreams are our subconscious telling us things about our daily lives. From our teeth falling out, we’re worried about something. Getting on a bus, on a journey in our lives. Having a child, a new start in our lives.

All of these dreams have significance and you should keep a dream journal for them, not because it’s some mystical thing and all your dreams are pushing you to some path like Neo in The Matrix, you can get some of your best writing ideas from dreams.

Here’s what you should do with your dreams.

Keep a journal next to your bed along with a pen.
Write in it daily, even if you can only remember certain bits of the dream, more may come later.
Write the place where the dream happens, it doesn’t matter how outlandish it seems, you can get a good idea from weird dreams
Keep it to yourself. Your dream journal is like a diary of your mind, don’t let anyone get into your journal.
Make sure you talk about an odd dream with someone you trust, someone who you know will be honest with you about what the dream means. This can be a good friend, spouse or one of your adult kids, but you have to be able to trust them with your subconscious thoughts.

Following these things will let you breath easier during the day. Your mind will be clear and it will make your writing a lot less intrusive. Your mind may not wander on that odd dream that you can’t figure out, because you’ve already written it down.

Your dreams are yours, don’t tell someone about them unless you’re sure they won’t criticize you.

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Decide, Write and Walk the Path

Brian — Mon, 06 May 2013 18:47:25 +0000

Photo Credit : wilhelmja via Creative Commons

Last week a friend of mine said she doesn’t have time to do the things she wants to do with her kids, a career and she’s stopped worrying about dating..

I see people who give up on the life they want because they think they can’t have it. They’re wrong, it just takes some work.

There are a few things you must do to get to that point.

Decisions

Deciding what you want to do with your life is important and it can bring a sense of peace that you’ve never felt before. This peace will be noticed by those around you and they will ask you what you’re doing, tell them, “I made a decision to do something better with my life.” They may laugh at you, but in your heart you know you’re following what you want.

Create a Path.

Your path is your own, and only you can walk it.

The creation of a path is a way to get where you want to be. Write down the things you know you have to do to reach that goal.

If you’re a writer, you must set a schedule. This is truly the only way you can get your work done. “I’ll write when I feel inspired.” Yeah, that doesn’t work very well.
Get on Twitter and Google+. These are the two places, as a writer you’ll find like minded individuals and you’ll discover what you need to do a lot faster than if you read Poets & Writers and other magazines.
Jump on with some of the groups that are on Google+. There are a lot of good groups on G+.
Pay attention to the agents, publishers and authors who write in your genre on Twitter. Sometimes they have Twitter chats, get involved in them. The more people know who you are the better for you.
Use Facebook less.
Create a blog. There are numerous places you can start a blog. WordPress.com and Blogger are the best. Tumblr is more for visuals, at least that’s been my experience.

Stick to the Path

No matter what anyone tells you, do what you want. If you want to be a writer, then ignore your detractors. Most of them have never done anything in their lives they are truly proud of.

Listen to your heart not your wallet. I’m not saying quit your job, don’t, be responsible, but follow your heart.

Your heart is your most valuable tool, listen to it often.

Are you creating your own path? Answer in the comments and share if you enjoyed the post.

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Rancid and Raucous

Brian — Fri, 03 May 2013 18:49:49 +0000

The drums cut and I feel the pull of the rain. The laughing in my head, the burning of the dead. What is this newfound peace? I can’t gather my head, I fear the passion is ringing in the dead.

The bells ring and I feel the cacophony of laughter and the screams of the voices in my head. The bracing, chasing, in your facing. The constant sputter of the laughter of the fools and dreams of the new pleasure gathered around me.

What is this new pain, this new reign? What are we? What is it?

The dangerous entanglements of our lives are accosting us in this life. Trying to feel the new pain, the devil’s vein.

Rancid and raucous we see it fall, the passion of the never ending devil’s wail. The Wraith clouds our minds. Pulling the new damages and raising the desires of another day in this listless, lifeless, festering, blistering hell.

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How to Find Your Novel Through Revisions

Brian — Wed, 01 May 2013 18:26:28 +0000

Photo Credit: Law H8r via Creative Commons

When you are done with your first book it’s an amazing feeling. Something that came from within your soul is on paper, or hard drive. No one can take that moment from you.

After that moment you have to go through it and find the story. If this is your first novel, that may be interesting. Remember every writer was a first time writer at some point and everyone has been where you are!

There were times when I finished my first book and did revisions–though I never submitted it because of its subject matter, it’s a vampire story–that I knew I was out of my element and had to find a way forward. The way forward ended up being a finished final draft that will possibly never see an agents desk because of the topic.

Your draft may be different. Your book may fit in an agents hand very well and they may love it, but getting the details right is what matters.

Here’s how:

Put the draft away for a week or two until you feel that its absent from your mind.
Start something else immediately. Not only does this give you a chance to take your mind of the story it keeps you writing, which is extremely important.
After the two weeks are over, read it thoroughly and keep a notebook with you while you read it. You’ll need to take notes on things you see which need help. If you prefer to use track-changes for this write your notes in the margin instead.
Keep your characters in a list. If you didn’t do this when you were sketching your draft, i.e. outlining, then as you do your read-through write them down. Keep a list of who they are and how they relate to the story. It’s also important to understand your character. This can be done in character sketch. Use one, it will help.
Keep a schedule. If you’re not doing this already, it’s a must. Keeping a schedule keeps you writing regularly and keeps your mind sharp as well as making sure your writing gets better.
Finally, just because you finished one book doesn’t mean you should stop writing something else when you’re revising another story. It may help you discover something that was missing in the story you’re revising.

I hope these six things have helped you with your revision/rewrite process. If they have, please share this post and comment on your revision process.

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Writer’s Perception

Brian — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 18:00:20 +0000

Photo Credit : !paddy via Creative Commons

“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” Aldous Huxley

There are many windows, many doors to the creative ways of the genius of writing. Each door opens by its own and each may close when it feels the need.

The above quote by Huxley has been attributed to Jim Morrison as to where the name of The Doors came from. But, lets talk about the quote itself and what it means to writing.

We perceive our writing as one thing, but in essence it’s something that you’re not always ready for. Once you finish a book or story it becomes part of who you are. Everything you’ve done to finish it makes your writing better.

The doors of Perception are open to us as creatives and artists. We perceive the world through a different filter. We can see the darkness, the joy and the love differently than anyone else. It’s through this filter we find our writing and where we find the power in our writing.

Perception is all your own doing though. Regardless of what genre you write, perception and thinking of things others either never thought of or haven’t thought of in a certain way and writing about it makes us writers.

Perception of the idea in your head and how you attack the idea is the difference in writing genius and just sloughing through it.

We perceive things the way we wish they were, not the way they should be. As a writer you can create things the way you wish they were, it’s up to your perception of reality and no one else’s.

Perception of your words is one-hundred percent the writer, after it’s published it’s up to the critics and readers, but don’t let their ideas about your writing change your perception of your writing.

Perception is a window into the soul of the writer and using at as such you can create things that will make your writing genius level, but your perception of your writing may be holding you back.

Your perception of your writing is what matters, no on else’s.

Is your perception of your writing holding you back? Answer in the comments.

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Empty, The Discovery

Brian — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 17:04:25 +0000

Photo Credit: M.C.Chavez via Creative Commons.

I started this story last week, here’s the link to the beginning of the story.

I sat in the cooler, not knowing what would happen next, but I knew I’d freeze if I didn’t stay warm and a tingling feeling was starting to wrap my ears.
I pulled my sleeping bag from my pack, walked to the back of the cooler where I saw pieces of meat in various stages of being chopped, ground or disassembled.

There were no doubts as to where the meat came from, bits of flesh were torn off but I could make out the outline of a torso on one shelf, a foot and hand another, it was quite the macabre scene.

I lay down in the cooler, behind a few racks of people, whose faces were in various stages of fear, acceptance and resignation. I laid my bag on the floor, amongst stashes of a couple bags of frozen vegetables, which were delightful to see compared to the meat hanging from hooks, resting on tables and stashed in freezer bags.

At that moment I wondered what happened to the town again and knew that I would find out soon enough, but I could feel my skin crawling across my bones at what may await me in the morning. For once on this whole trip I wasn’t hungry and I was glad I had bought a negative zero sleeping bag as this would be the first time during my trip it would truly be tested.

I woke to the sound of metal on metal and knew the door was opening, and I was sure I would be placed among the bags of meat hanging from the hooks above me.

“Come out please,” a voice said which sounded oddly friendly considering the circumstances in which I found myself.

I laid in my bag for a minute until I heard the clank, clank of boots on the freezers metal floor. I tried to climb out of the bag as quietly as possible, but light began to bounce off the metal surface of the cooler walls as they walked deeper into the freezer.

I stood up on one of the racks of meat and tried to hide behind some of the bodies hanging from the hooks, which oddly didn’t turn my stomach the way it had the day before, which I knew wasn’t good.

The sound of metal against flesh filled the freezer as they searched row after row of bodies hanging from the ceiling. I knew they’d find me, but I wasn’t sure what they’d do with me.

I stayed in place and found myself stuck, and couldn’t move anymore for fear they’d find me.

I felt my jacket stretch against my back as someone pulled me from my hiding place.

“Got him.” The person said as he lifted me aloft, my feet kicking for ground they wouldn’t find.

Light filled the room as the bulbs in the freezer turned on and I could see the faces of bodies surrounding me.

The men who’d walked in the freezer wore military uniforms and I really began to wonder what the fuck I’d walked into.

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